I accidentally hurt my child

[AnxMummy]

A few years ago in lockdown I accidentally hurt my 2.5 year old and still feel really awful about the incident.DH and I were going through a really stressful time with DS 2.5 years old and our 8month old in lockdown with no family support. DH had just had an anxiety attack and taken time off work. We were both experiencing sleepless nights with a baby and toddler and DS use to at times be challenging.
On this day we went out for a nice walk with our children and on the return home I popped in a small corner shop with DS and brought him a pack of purple sweets. When we left he got upset and said he wanted the blue pack so DH agreed to have the purple pack so DS could get the blue ones. We went back and brought the blue ones. When we left DS had another meltdown saying he wanted something else. We told him he could only have the purple or blue. DS cried and refused to go home. After some time we slowly headed home with him still crying and stopping several times refusing to walk. This seemed to have gone on for what seemed like forever at the time. Both DH and I were tired and annoyed with him. It started to rain so DH took our 8 month old out the buggy and said he wasn’t going to deal with this and was heading home. I remember feeling really angry with him for walking off and not helping me, which was the case for most of lockdown when things got challenging.
I finally managed to get DS to sit in the buggy and raced home walking straight into a hedge alongside the road which had some brambles sticking out which hit the buggy hood and bounced back and hit DS in the face scraping him quite badly just below his eye around the upper cheek causing some a couple of blood graze marks . DS screamed crying from pain and DH who was further ahead raced back angry and shouting at me for hurting our child as it could have hit him in his eye. He asked me why I walked right into the bramble and said I must have seen it. I honestly can’t remember if I did and just didn’t care as I was fed up and wanted to get home or didn’t see it. I know I felt really really awful and worried I had hurt him.
DH then left me with our 8month old and carried DS home. At home DS and I cuddled and watched a movie while DH had a nap with the baby. Thankfully DS was ok and it never left any scaring.

It has been many years since this happened and it still really upsets me when I remember how I had hurt him and wonder if I caused the injury intentionally or not. How do you repair from this?

You cannot change what happened OP. By your own admission it was not your or DH finest parenting example nor your son’s best day of behavior. The important thing is you learned from it and will never behave like that again (non of you, not just you). Sometimes a shock brings you up short.

Honestly i think every parent has hurt their child by accident, it's common! If it's really bothering you this many years later, I'd really be looking to get some support for your mental health.

I can't imagine your husband's over reaction helped. Does he often react in that way? My small person is in a wheelchair and there have been several times we have had close encounters with overhanging brambles/nettles/hedges, there is so much to navigate when you are pushing someone in a buggy that sometimes accidents happen. It was an accident, forgive yourself.

The fact that you feel guilty means you're a good parent, OP.
Your husband doesn't sound very nice but I don't like to judge with little info, esp as you said it was a very stressful time for both of you. Don't beat yourself up because it sounds like you're doing the best you can!

It sounds like a bad day and an accident, we all have them. I once threw my sons jacket to him to put on and the zip caught his face, it must have been really sore but I didn't mean it to happen and he has long since forgotten it. It's not like you hit your child or deliberately scratched him - it was an accident and he won't remember it.

Forgive yourself, you didn't do anything on purpose.

Lockdown with an 8 month baby and a toddler must have been seriously challenging. Be kind to yourself and forget about it.

Does DH still bring this up? I'm wondering why you are still dwelling on it. This happens, it's part of parenting.

I rammed my pushchair up an escalator that was coming down and I thought was going up and my son screamed his head off and was old enough to about 'MUMMY TRIED TO KILL ME!'

I was in a department store and had other things in my mind and it just didn't register when I was trying to get the pushchair to go up!

These things happen.

Your intention wasn't to harm him and you were in a hurry to get home. End of.

Shout ^

Every parent has hurt their child by accident, and your DH acted like a dick.

Seriously, I don’t think any of mine didn’t have their heads slammed into door frames a few times as older babies/toddlers while I was carrying them about as it seemed to demonstrate over all the kids that I had a bit of an issue with spatial awareness and accounted for myself going through/turning in doorways but my brain didn’t always get it right when I had someone attached to me and their heads were usually the ‘bit’ sticking out that copped it unfortunately. Another time, I was heavily pregnant, a toddler took off and I lumbered at speed after them and instead of grabbing them my hand fell short and knocked them off balance instead and sent them flying, face first onto the ground with lots of blood and a broken nose (which is actually pretty hard to achieve in these little people). Lots of not being aware one had snuck up behind me and stepped back onto them etc.

The thing is, accidents are accidents, you just apologise, make sure they are okay or fix them up and then you can’t give it a second thought because what would it change/achieve?

Go easy on yourself, lockdown was incredibly hard.
Look up Dr Caroline Boyd and maternal rage, it's really helped me to reflect and come to terms with it.
There were occasions when I was broken with sleep deprivation that I screamed at my baby to go to sleep and was too rough when putting her back down. I feel such guilt and shame but I need to find a way to forgive myself.

if it helps my legs are currently ripped to bits as I ran straight into a bramble I didn't see while running for a bus a few days ago. Brambles are cunning little blighters. People walk into them all the time.

The other day I accidentally bopped my three year old on the side of the head with the toy box lid the other day 😭 He was so upset as he didn't see it coming and asked me this morning if I was going to throw something at him again 😭 I feel so guilty.

You're not alone in feeling this way ❤️

My daughter has a scar on her arm from when I scratched her at 10 days old with my pregnancy nails.

I trapped her finger in her pram when she was about 3 months old and when she was about 9 months old I clipped the kerb wrong and the pram fell over.

Things happen, the important thing is not that they happen but that you put things in place so they didn't happen again.

I feel bad but I would feel a whole lot worse if I did any of them repeatedly.
have a grey scar on my knee and a scar on my forehead under my dad's supervision. He does still get a lot of stick about the knee as it was because he didn't clean it properly. To resolve that my mum taught us all first aid and how to look after our own cuts. I was about 7. Now me and both of my sisters are first aider in our jobs so it's clearly stuck.

Rather than focusing on the one time where the brambles did hit him try to count the times since when you have been out for a walk and it hasn't happened again!

My DS is 4 now. He was born in lockdown. When he was 8 months old he would not stop screaming and I remember putting him down on the bed and asking him what was wrong I didn't shout but was annoyed in my voice. Anyway he got a temp the next day and had a virus so must have been feeling rubbish. I still feel guilty to this day

I've got 5 kids (now adults) and I can remember several accidents where I hurt them - finger shut in door, rolled off the bed as a baby, fall down the stairs, hit with a ukulele (he was a teen when that happened, still got the mum guilt but could also laugh at the ridiculousness of it!) etc etc.

Please don't feel guilty, these things happen all the time!

And btw, I'm currently recovering from an accident one of my children caused, (trip hazard!) so I'm sure your child will get their revenge one day!

I've accidentally hurt all 3 of mine at some point or another....not even going to go into the fingers and car boot incident...,my stomach still lurches when I think about it. They all grew up unscathed and don't remember any of it! It hurts us more than them but nothing you can do to change it. I doubt it'll be the last time! Don't be so hard on yourself.

OP, how would you react if a close family member or friend had done this?

We are much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Your DS is absolutely fine.

It was an accident but your husband was an arsehole about it. You'd probably have forgotten about it by now but he made it all so much worse.

3 out of four of my kids have escaped the house as toddlers and wondered out of the garden. I shudder when I think back. But over the years you get over it. The door had a lick. Not everyone locked it and it just happened. I've got 20 years of regrets. That's part of being a mum. If I looked back and just patted myself on the back I'd have a bigger problem than regretting the odd rare fuck ups,

Hey he is fine, you need to stop beating yourself up. Your husband should have stayed to support you, not taken the baby and left you to deal with the toddler. He could have carried him home instead of the baby and it would have been avoided.
I remember walking into my mums lit cigarette when I was younger and it left no lasting effects.
Be kind to yourself x

It was accident. It happens.

Bloody hell, I've dropped my baby out of the Moses basket, knocked one flying down the stairs and bumped their head wrestling them into car seat more times than I can think of (four kids!). The fact you're worried about it shows you're a good mom.

Did your husband react well? Not in the slightest, but as you said; it was lockdown, mental health issues, exhaustion and kids. No one is at their best in those situations.

Don't beat yourself up over it. The kids are fine and hopefully you and husband are in a better place now.

God this thread has made me feel like a terrible parent 😂 couldn’t think of what story of accidentally hurting my children to tell because there’s been a good few! and not only that but I don’t even feel particularly guilty about them 🫣 (now, I obviously did at the time) was once cooking dinner with my baby in the carrier, obviously not a great idea but the toddler doesn’t take kindly to waiting for food while the baby has their witching hour! I was stirring the pot and my baby’s bare leg got a tiny splash of hot bolognaise sauce. It was tiny, barely a mark and absolutely no scar but he screamed and screamed and I have never felt so awful in my life, I cried all night. These things happen, especially juggling two young children. I hope these stories give you comfort to let this go. We’ve allllll been there!

I think we all
have accidents with our little ones I once slammed the front door as it was left open as my boys went to school (11 and 10) but unbeknownst to me DS2 had come back to shut it i didn’t see him and it slammed on his hand crushing one of his finger nails.
it was horrific he needed hospital treatment and was in pain.
I felt so much guilt for a long time it really affected me i was under a lot of other stress at the time I spoke to someone about it
My son is now in his 20s and can’t remember a thing even though he was 10!

accidents happen when you are flustered and stressed, I’m sure every parent has a story like this