Hate my daughter's clothes

[NameChangeForAFlaming]

DD is 15. She's a lovely girl, works hard, kind to others, but has fallen into the teenage trend of vaping, wearing excessive make up and dressing in clothes that are tight and revealing.

I'm finding this a challenge.

The vaping we have tackled - she accepts that it's a social trend, was influenced by others and is generally stupid for doing it. She says she has stopped.

I am finding her choice of clothes to be really difficult. At the end of her exams and with the summer ahead of us, I gave her £150 to spend on a summer wardrobe. Every item bought it either very revealing (see through shorts/ revealingly short (can see her bum cheeks) or those lycra shorts that have a thong design, so the shape of her backside is fully on display), boob tubes and a dress that's incredibly revealing and very very short. Her two bikins are really very revealing too.

Yes, I know I am sounding like a prude and yes perhaps I'm finding her transition to teenager to be difficult, but I just want her to be able to dress modestly when she's walking around here (or anywhere!). I don't want men looking at her and (in the case of last night) nudging their mates and passing comment. Yes, it's all on those men, but neither do I want her dressing like this to attract attention.

We've just fallen out now because she's come downstairs with my elderly in laws here, dressed as though she's just spray painted lycra shorts and a boob tube on.

I don't know how to vocalise my thoughts to her without it sounding like I'm 90. I can't be in the wrong for wanting her to have some normal shorts/trousers and fitted t shirts? I'm not making any sense and I'm ready for the flaming (I think).

Men will look at her anyway. Unfortunately, you can't get completely away from that. Dressing in a comfortable, loose casual style, I still got men making comments about me in public. That is a man feeling entitled to comment on women and girls issue and not your daughter's dress issue.

Don't just give her money to spend on her wardrobe. She might spend some money on revealing outfits out of her pocket money, and you can't really avoid that, but you don't need to explicitly facilitate it in this way. Next time, tell her she can identify some stuff she wants and send you the links or go with you and you might buy it for her, with some ground rules established (knickers not visible, bum cheeks not revealed, etc.)

In the same way as you were able to tackle the vaping, try to tackle the clothing. Why does she feel the need or desire to go out with so much of her body revealed? Why do her friends? (presumably) Why don't boys seem to have the same desire? Why is clothing made for and marketed to men of a different standard?

I would focus on the more revealing clothes first. A boob tube, as I understand the term, at least covers the whole breast area. It's therefore less offensive a garment than trousers that highlight and show the whole bum and separate the bum cheeks.

She's 15. She wants to look and feel good wearing what her friendsdo , don't you remember being that age?

She is not an extension of you. She can wear what she likes! I remember being a teen and living in tiny crop tops which my mum hated. Let her wear what she wants and leave her alone!

It looks dreadful, but I think we all probably made horrendous fashion choices when we were that age. I think it's a rite of passage. She can cringe over it when she's older and hopefully better dressed.

I don't think you can do much to change it other than subtly introduce other, better dressed, role models. Maybe see if she wants to go to a gig and see a comedian or a music gig. Introduce some books with strong female characters etc. Open her eyes to all the different ways you can be a woman.

Grit your teeth and say nothing negative. DC remember negative comments and sideways glances. You don't want her to lose confidence in herself. It is a completely normal stage in life that all of us have been through with our own parents and our teens. It is reversible and she is learning about herself , her appearance and its effect on others and her style . I empathise and am now past that stage!

Hmm, I was a goth from 13 and still dress gothy 30 years later. My mother still hates it and cannot accept it at all to the point that she still cries at my DMs. It's a tricky topic to navigate as you risk doing serious damage to your relationship with your DD.

I wonder if she is hiding vaping as it's tricky to stop so she could potentially start hiding the way she dresses. We've all been there. Leave the house in a long skirt and whip it off to reveal something much more er revealing. This could lead to her not trusting you when it comes to bigger stuff. I never, ever went to my mother about anything as I was certain that she'd start digging at me about clothes.

It is a fashion to wear those bum scrunch shorts but one which I think is dying out from what I've seen. It might be worth picking your battles on this one. Let her know that you don't think it looks very cool but let her carry on. Oh, and any man looking at any women and giving unwanted attention needs his head testing.

I don't mind the crop tops that they are all wearing (not my favourite but not a hill to die on) if they are teamed with jeans, shorts, skirt etc. A more revealing top half but classy bottom half. Same with short skirts but a more floaty top.
She will realise how ridiculous she looks in a. few years time and laugh OP. We have all been there.

Men will look and comment no matter what young woman wear. Don’t put that on her. Let her wear what she likes.

I’m not from the UK but you can always spot British teenagers abroad a mile away because they dress like you describe and wear too much make up. Wherever you are, it’s like they have no sense what is appropriate or not. They don’t even get that other people even their own age laugh at them because they look so tacky and it’s become a stereotype.

The current trend for ‘athleisure’ is really popular with teens, and it’s pretty comfy so I can’t say I blame them. I’ll bet she’s wearing it all with trainers, even the dress, and not crippling heels that will give her bunions in later life, so there’s a silver lining!

I’d leave her be. It’s warm out so she’s going to want shorts. Come winter she’ll likely be in oversized sweatpants.

It’s part of being 15. Maybe suggest she gets a couple of ‘grandma friendly’ hoodies for when she’s visiting?

Sadly, men will ogle her whatever she wears, so teaching her to be confident and have good boundaries is more important than dressing to avoid their gaze.

Just smile and say "that looks nice"

Start dressing the same when she has friends over and she might stop. 🙂

Her age group around where I live are all going round in big groups wearing the same. Very short cycling shorts/ hot pants and stretchy bra tops. It does look awful but if she’s in a particular group and they’re all wearing similar you can understand why she wants to wear the same. Interestingly the 18-21 year olds seem to have gone the other way and it’s all big jeans and big t shirts so there is that to look forward to op!

If it’s any comfort the stuff most of them like at 15 is often very different from the clothes they choose to go on to wear once they start sixth form.

Ach, they’re all wearing this, OP 🤷‍♀️

Just let it slide.

Ha ha

This.

I thought that the 90’s clothing was in fashion. Baggy combat trousers/ jeans and crop tops

15 is not an easy age clothes wise. Have friends with younger quite geeky boys and they are very judgemental about what we “let” dd wear but she’s nearly 16 it’s not as simple as they think.

I'm surprised at everyone saying 'let it go' tbh! I think it is quite easy to find the words, (they're not complicated) and just say them.
E.g. please put something on that covers your bum before going out, thanks.

Was hunting for one other like minded person.

Yes agreed I wouldn't be okay with it.

Did my go down the route of " grandma won't approve" or "men will look at you"

My mum did that. It's a bit spineless. If you don't like how she looks say so.
Don't expect her to be happy about it or obey whatever rules you dictate.

It's teen fashion?

Tell her it looks great, you might get some yourself..😂
Take pictures to show her kids when they get to the same age..😂
It's irritating but go with the flow, as for men and boys, we know they will look and comment, that's as old as the hills, and not about to change twats but if she is happy to put up with it she can crack on.

That is what seems to be fashionable now.