Hate my daughter's clothes

[NameChangeForAFlaming]

DD is 15. She's a lovely girl, works hard, kind to others, but has fallen into the teenage trend of vaping, wearing excessive make up and dressing in clothes that are tight and revealing.

I'm finding this a challenge.

The vaping we have tackled - she accepts that it's a social trend, was influenced by others and is generally stupid for doing it. She says she has stopped.

I am finding her choice of clothes to be really difficult. At the end of her exams and with the summer ahead of us, I gave her £150 to spend on a summer wardrobe. Every item bought it either very revealing (see through shorts/ revealingly short (can see her bum cheeks) or those lycra shorts that have a thong design, so the shape of her backside is fully on display), boob tubes and a dress that's incredibly revealing and very very short. Her two bikins are really very revealing too.

Yes, I know I am sounding like a prude and yes perhaps I'm finding her transition to teenager to be difficult, but I just want her to be able to dress modestly when she's walking around here (or anywhere!). I don't want men looking at her and (in the case of last night) nudging their mates and passing comment. Yes, it's all on those men, but neither do I want her dressing like this to attract attention.

We've just fallen out now because she's come downstairs with my elderly in laws here, dressed as though she's just spray painted lycra shorts and a boob tube on.

I don't know how to vocalise my thoughts to her without it sounding like I'm 90. I can't be in the wrong for wanting her to have some normal shorts/trousers and fitted t shirts? I'm not making any sense and I'm ready for the flaming (I think).

Well that’s unlikely isn’t it,

She's not transitioning to be a teenager, she's transitioning to be an adult and she's going to want to experiment and some of that will be making choices that set her apart from you as that's how she becomes a self contained adult. I reckon the more you show you are bothered, the more she'll dig in.

Yanbu OP

I don't remember my dds dressing like that in the 2010s.

Maybe the fashion is like this to charge a lot of money for very little fabric, shrinkflation like the chocolate bars

My mum used to say to me,' Would you jump off a cliff if everybody else was doing it?'
I also have tried to encourage my daughter to use the brains in her head and not be a sheep. She would not be seen dead in such clothing but still manages to be fashionable.

I think encouraging modesty is okay but it is a minefield with teen dds.

I draw the line at skirts/dresses short enough to flash knickers and bum cheek shorts.

The tight leggings and shorts I let go as I do with crop tops etc.

I just say no one wants to see someone else's bum/knickers on display...

It really is.

Tell her that the synthetic lycra makes her bum smell

I was always told to either have your legs on show or your cleavage, but never both!!!!

@Sillystrumpet
My point is the poster I was replying to said let the girl wear whatever she wants. Which would therefore include the transparent shorts and bum cheek revealing shorts.

So if they really mean anything, then they would have to agree to wearing a transparent crop top and a thong in public. I was pointing out that obviously it isn't case of 'let her wear anything'. No one would say yeah sure, rock on. There are boundaries where adults need to step in.

So the OP feels the girl has overstepped the boundaries. Everyone has a different view as to what the line is.

This made me laugh.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice. I've never told her she looks awful - she's a lovely little individual. Little being the operative word - she looks very young for her age which makes this look even worse imo.

It's such a shame that our society encourages young girls to dress in this hyper sexualised way.
It's not your daughters fault op.
I hear you.

Totally agree. It’s the water they are swimming in. Teens just want to fit in. How is it that these are the clothes that mean you do?

My dd at 14/15 used to wear leggings. You could see her pants. I told her every time. Did she change? No. She was the one who'll get laughed at.

My two, now in their 20s still look horrific (IMO) but it's getting better. They are finding their style. It's their money and me moaning was not going to change anything.

My 25 yo has put on some weight lately, wears revealing and tight clothes. I think it looks awful, but I envy her body confidence so I say nothing. Why smash that up?

@NameChangeForAFlaming I can empathise totally with how you feel about this.

I wore revealing stuff when I was about the same age plus lots of make up. I think part of it was wanting to project a grown-up adult persona, coupled with a lack of confidence (& probably came across a lot more Lolita than I realised at the time.) Remember to compliment her so she feels confident in herself especially when she looks natural. It will be a phase, when she gets a job / sixth form her style will move on.

To be fair, it's a good rule!

Thank you x

I think this is a good rule too.

All this "men will look anyway"

Come on a teenage girl basically showing their arse cheeks is going to attract total pervs as well as making people on the street feel uncomfortable. It's hard not to look when their bare backside is out for all to see! It's a bit different from glancing at a pretty face or whatever.

I do feel for you op, and you don't want to bodyshame her, but it really is a revolting look imo. Hopefully this trend will soon die a death.

Also, when men take off their tops when it's sunny, posters jump on mumsnet to say how disgusted they are. (And yes I don't get it either). Yet are happy to let their thirteen and fourteen year olds wander round showing off their bums to all and sundry. And apparently we need to tell them they look great in case we dent their confidence!

All this "they'll do it anyway" yes they will rebel. Parent's job is to set boundaries, to you know be a parent. Yes children will push them. But they still want you to be a parent. Surprised at so many posters not seeing this. But I imagine in future therapy sessions, their children will be complaining that their parents didn't actually parent.

@armyofants Totally agree. We no longer live in the Uk but any time we visit or see British families on holiday overseas the young teenagers just look so tacky. You can wear a short skirt without making it so short your bum is hanging out or wear a crop top but at least cover some of your boobs. The “what can you do” attitude seems to apply younger and younger these days.

To be honest, I think teenage girls these days dress a lot more moderately than we did in the early 2000s! Skirts, shorts and trousers were so low wasted they barely covered your hips and it was compulsory to have your thong pulled up so it was on display. Skirts were also shorter and tighter and we wore heels whenever possible.

Nowadays everything is high wasted and worn with trainers so yes Nike Pros might show off a teeny bit of the bottom of their arse if they ride up a bit but they’re not that bad (and they’re bloody comfortable!).

Also for all the teenage girls I know, if wearing a short skirt or dress, it’s compulsory to wear Nike Pros underneath so as not to accidentally flash anyone (a tip I have taken on myself). I think teenage girls look lovely in a tight fitting dress and trainers tbh.

Have to agree about what is called fashion, no doubt designed by men.