Can you recommend a parenting book to help me to bring up a 'good' child?

[LovingBeingAMummy]

I am sure that I have read a recommendation for a book on how to bring up a disciplined child.
My DS1 (5 and a half) is really testing us lately - he sees things at school and copies.
He does listen to us and doesn't copy aggressive behaviour, yes he argues/fights with DS2 but this is normal sibling behaviour.
I worry about the things that I class as 'silly' becoming a normal part of his life, such as getting excited and running around and not stopping until I've had a stern word with him. His silliness then sets DS2 off and we have a disrupted day.
My mum tells me I want a model child but I just want him to calm down.
Are there any books with techniques on how I can achieve this.
For example, this afternoon he was running around the house, I told him 3 to stop but he didn't until DS2 fell and hurt himself. As a result I told DS1 to spend 5 mins on the step to calm down.
Any ideas? Thanks.

any ideas?

yes, get a grip

he's a normal boy, you have the problem, not him

The Unconditional Parent by Alfie Kohn

there is one called raising boys. you could look at review on amazon....

I have girls so cant help. although i dare say it is prob normal... just needs to be controlable

what Liath said

I honestly think that there are as many books on raising children as there are definitions of 'good children'...

I was going to say the Unconditional Parent too, I'm part way through reading it and it's a breath of fresh air to read a book that's not about time out and praising good behaviour. Would also suggest How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber & Mazlish

You do know you're gonna get millions of replies about your thread title don't you? No such thing as a good/bad child, only good/bad behaviour etc. Be prepared...

Thanks Liath I will look into that one.
Yes, today it probably is me that has the problem.. pmt is getting to me.
Had his behaviour been like that yesterday I wouldn't have thought twice about it.
I just thought it would be good idea to read some parenting books and reassure myself that all is normal.
Never thought parenting would be so tough... defo appreciate my parents hardwork in bringing me up more and more.

Things could be worse, surely...

I don't think your son's behaviour sounds at all out of the ordinary or 'naughty', tbh. And I'm not sure that punishing him with the step for doing something that isn't actually naughty will really help with overall discipline. The Unconditional Parent is v good about how much children can actually take on board and whether or not it's worth getting upset about things, it might be worth a read.

Also, I know you probably want a calm child now, but what do you want in the future? Do you want a child who can express his feelings and impulses appropriately or do you want one who squashes his natural feelings down because he has been taught that giving his feelings free rein is wrong?

Yes LovingBeingAMummy, its normal - there's no such thing as a 'good' child. A child that is 'good' all the time is a child who isn't experiencing childhood.

I honestly beleive that books can be quite damaging when it comes to raising children. What do your instincts say?

Thanks Moneybird.. perhaps should ask for it be retitled how toraise a good behavioured child.

What kind of parenting style do you have? Ie. what kind of baby books did you have? Ie. did you like Gina Ford books? Or do you prefer the hippy style Dr Sears books? Or do you prefer the more middle of the road Dr Christopher Green. I don't think there is a right or wrong approach to parenting within reason.

Boys are lively creatures and need to rush about like manics. Prehaps what you need to do is find an outlet for your sons' energies. Boys are hard work but a lot of fun. I imagine with two boys you have testoseron times two.

For example my son spent three hours rushing about in the snow having a snowball fight this morning. He likes swimming, going to the adventure playground and other physical persuits. It makes him too tired to run about the house.

What i keep in mind when i have days like this with my 2 ds is my older sisters boys. They were a complete nightmare of tantruming chaos for years, answering back , tying her in knots. Fast forward 20 years...oldest has just graduated from cambridge youngest just been offered a place, both amazing gentle interesting and well behaved lads. keep the long game in mind and try to raise interesting, curious, civic minded caring children not 'good' ones i think.

Boys are like puppies. They need lots of food, lots of exercise, lots of fresh air. That should use up his energy.

Really tires, we normally have loads of activities but we decided tospent today at home as we have been so busy over Easter hols.
Ihaven't ever read any parenting books which is why I asked on here. I do always trust my instinct but I guess I just wanted reassurance that running around/silliness is perfectly noraml.
Just by reading the comments that I have had I realise that today was a bit too much hard work after all the rushing around we have had and that is why I felt stressed, plus the pmt.
I will try to get hold of the books too as I think that there is so much to learn about parenting and it's good to pick up new ideas, hence using Mumsnet.

Moopymoo, thanks for your comment.
I normally am really positive but today things got to me a bit and I felt that perhaps there is something more that I should be doing.
Roll on tomorrow and what parenting adventures it brings!!

I agree it's normal to have 'bad' days. I have come to realise the 'bad' days are more about me and the mood I'm in, tbh!

One day I can handle anything, or it won't even register... other days the slightest thing gets my goat. And dd1 is throwing a lot at me at the moment

Notnowbernard, just gladthe'good' days outweigh the 'bad'!!
How old is your dd1? If you want to offload some of your load I've found Mummsnet is a very caring site ... am relatively new.

DD1 is 4.4

MN is great for off-loading, or just trawling old threads for reading and identification or reassurance

Should start a 'we love mumnset' thread!
Goodnight.