Caught 8 y/o watching porn

[loganfuckingroy]

I've accidentally caught my son watching pretty hardcore porn while I reached over where he was sitting on the sofa to pick up a cup next to him. He tried to draw his iPad up to his chest but I pulled it down and saw a video playing. It was Pornhub and extremely graphic hetero porn.

I took his iPad and started searching through his history and this has been going on for a week. His search history started with Googling "naked people" and then he's been watching several porn hub videos every day. He's autistic and loves watching Minecraft/Roblox/robotics videos with his headphones on so I don't suspect. It turns out his dad left his Google account logged in on my son's iPad after showing him something on YouTube and that's how he's been bypassing the content restrictions I've put in place on our Apple/icloud family settings.

We've chatted about it but he's very embarrassed and thinks he's going to be arrested. Husband has taken them to bed, iPad has been removed. I'm just completely at a loss. 8 is so young and he's not neurotypical.

Exactly. There’s ways to also give your opinion without purposely trying to berate an OP. If you can’t come to an online parenting forum for all things parenting related, then where can you actually go?!

Even if you can filter certain words unfortunately the Internet is still the Internet.

Last Halloween I was trying to buy my 2 year old a wizard costume.

I innocently searched for a magic wand and the first results were much more than I bargained for. Took about half of the first page to find what I was looking for....

Anyway -last one from me OP. Sorry you came asking for actual advice and got half this shit. Hope it all works out OK. You're not a shit parent. Your a parent and a human.

Much love to you and your family xx

Trust me, those magic wands are great! 😁

Why don’t you type in ‘naked bodies’ into Google and see what OP’s DS saw for yourself. Porn is VERY accessible

🤣🤭

I have just tested the content filter on my router by typing "boobies" into the search bar. Lol. Glad to know it's working!

Nb: I'm not being smug. I've only got a content filter because my techy, paranoid friend had a massive rant at me (rightfully, it seems) about teenagers and online porn. My autistic 9 year old already has what I assumed were sufficient parental controls on his tablet, so this thread has been a salutary warning.

All I need to work out now is how to turn the bloody content filter off when I fancy watching something of an adult nature!

I did….absolutely no porn at all ( the most risqué thing was talking about the show naked attraction) .

Sounds like your safety controls are on otherwise you would have seen what myself and a few other posters saw, links to endless porn websites

Well I’m very glad as I can well imagine my youngest searching for all sorts!

Yeah this. How does he know what it is?!?

Jesus
You are acting like it was deliberate
You really have yourself on a pedestal don't you

Yes irresponsible, but from a mistake not deliberate behaviour

But OP and her DH know that and she was looking for advice as to how to deal with it

No pasting and holier than thou required

That's the consensus from those who read the posts properly

OP, the majority of teachers on here probably offer the best, sound advice. Ignore the prats Wishing you well

You need to get your child into play therapy or art therapy to process what he has seen.

Your husband needs a size 12 boot to the rear end.

The fact there there are so many parents here saying this is normal shows just how fucked we are as a society really. I suspect it happens all the time and wonder how many parents just would never admit the amount of access they allow their children to have. Children shouldn't even have devices. They don't need them and supervised access to a family iPad for homework suffices. Let your children have a childhood, FFS. And yes I'm a parent of children primary age. Interestingly on the thread the other day about a 13 yo boy showing a 10 yo porn the response was to call the police and put the child in therapy. But when an 8 yo stumbles across it by accident (aka parental negligence) it's completely normal and akin to looking at the reproduction page in a 'my first science book'. I despair of the way the world has become for young people.

I haven't seen any posters saying it's normal for children to look at porn. That's a hysterical exaggeration.

People are saying it's normal for a child to try to Google something like "naked people" and so on. As a teacher I have seen seven year olds try to Google "bum" and "willies" and so on. They are not "looking for porn". I caught a group of 8 year olds in school giggling at Renaissance paintings of naked women and gargoyles sucking their own cocks. Somehow they had clicked and clicked through related images on Google until these popped up.

The reason the porn was found in the OP is an unfortunate mistake by loving and conscientious parents who dropped the ball by accident. They are not the first parents to have a mix up with parental controls. Hence the many stories of children accidentally spending money on apps before the parents see the bills racking up.

The difference in the example you've given is that the porn was foisted upon that child by a 13 year old who will have more of an understanding about what they are doing. That 13 year old somehow has the ability to access porn and then show other children so that needs to be investigated.

In this instance the OP's child does not have access to pornography under normal circumstances. A mistake was made and is being rectified.

@Grandmasswagbag

The fact there there are so many parents here saying this is normal shows just how fucked we are as a society really.

Go on then quote the people who said it's normal.

They've said it's normal for children to Google naked, willies, boobies, numerous times. I'm saying if children didn't have access to the internet there would be zero risk of them seeing hardcore porn when they were trying to fulfill what may be a natural childhood curiosity. Even with 'controls' clearly children are seeing these things, backed up by the data of how many primary aged children have seen porn. In the days before the internet that would be fulfilled by looking up sex in the Dorling kindersley. We are collectively abusing children exposing them to these images. It's like a frog in a boiling pot. We've slid so far we've really lost sight of what's appropriate web use for children, what's normal for them to.be viewing and doing online. Parents have the ultimate responsibility for this. Unfortunately we live in a society where parents seem to want to take zero responsibility for anything.

And 13 is still a child. Yet virtually no one expressed concern about the 13 yo having seen hardcore porn! I think this is because people know it's so normal that no one even questions it anymore. Disgusting.

OP, I have nothing in the way of advice for you that hasn't already been suggested by others, but I just wanted to say that some of the comments on this thread are disgusting. You are not a bad parent, you (or rather, your husband really) have made a mistake. The hysteria on this thread is ridiculous, and I hope that the other posters who want to vilify you are the perfect model parents who have never let something slide by accident. Your little boy will be fine, this isn't going to create a life of vile deviance, and it is what you do next that really will matter.

@Grandmasswagbag no one has said that children looking at porn is normal. The curiosity is normal, google is a modern (and dangerous) way to satisfy that curiosity.

@loganfuckingroy Op, I haven't read all the posts - I have a feeling that the conversation turned into something else now, like it always does on mumnset.

I know it's must be so hard with your son's autism, but giving him full access to the Internet - even with restricted pages - is a very bad idea.

You should download the videos that he is interested in watching - if he needs to be online for some reason, it should always be that you could see and hear what is he watching and listening.

An 8 years old is way too young just to go on the Internet and watch whatever he likes.
That's said, I propably would of googled porn at that age, if I had acess to the internet- like all kids would of done or would do.

Yes. I said that. I'm a teacher and I'm talking about my experiences of children and technology. You need to calm down.

Posters on here agree with you that technology and the internet are a minefield. The horse has bolted and parents are doing their best to keep the reins on. Now posters might want to shriek and squawk on here that OP shouldn't let their child have so much as a battery operated train set and "why the fuck aren't you Amish" type attitude to this. But that's unrealistic.

Some parents choose to only have technology completely offline. Some choose to have no types of iPads or phones until a certain age (this is my choice). But some parents (a lot- again I'm a teacher, and it is most children) allow their 6, 7, 8 year olds to have iPads and put parental locks on.

No one is saying "it's normal for children to Google and watch porn". Posters are saying, rightly, that it's normal for children to be curious about nudity and sex in a childlike way. The danger comes when they accidentally stumble on age inappropriate material due to this curiosity.

Your example of the 13 year old showing the 10 year old porn needs to be reported and investigated because we don't know what's going on. In this case the parents are fully aware, know how it happened, and are dealing with the issue. I would have thought the difference was obvious.

The OP's husband made a mistake with the parental locks and he'll be absolutely gutted about this. They are doing their best. In a world of horrendous things happening to children, this is not one of them.

I was an 8yo in the 90s and we were looking at one anothers naked bodies. I was still in primary school when exposed to porn when a friends older brother thought it was funny to put in on in front of us. The older brother was an instigator in the exploring of our bodies and this wasn't always what I was comfortable but didn't have the words to express this. My parents never knew about what we were doing and if she was on this thread she would absolutely be saying "none of my kids did this when they were little" and she would have been wrong. It's important here that you are a safe place he can talk about this with and his thoughts around the human body are explored and discussed in an appropriate way and he understands consent both from his perspective and others.

It is frighteningly easy to get to porn on the internet. The other day I mistyped "paw patrol" as "pawn patrol" guess what the results were? I'm off to add some restrictions to my router after this thread!

And this is why 8 year olds shouldn’t have access to iPads 🙃

there’s a million other things you could be doing to entertain your child that doesn’t give him access to the internet, OP. Being ND does not change this.

sorry, but he’s been let down massively here by both of you.

Fucking hell. Honestly the parent shaming is disgusting. What happend to be kind?! That lasted long...

OP has asked for advise. No one has said its ok or asked to be fucking shat on about their mistake.

You made a mistake. You won't make it again and are working on how to go forward.

No wonder PND is so high. It makes me feel sick it really does.

OP I think you should close this thread now and work on going forward with your child.

Don't beat yourself up. The past is the past. Can't change it can only work on the present now.

Take care OP and please dont let the unhelpful comments affect you too much xx