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Original poster

would you leave baby overnight with au pair?

78 replies

miniegg · 05/04/2008 17:27

DH and I are considering trying to go away for one night or perhaps two to a hotel. we haven't had a night without the baby since he was born and really need some special time together. The baby is now eight months. One option we are thinking about is to ask our nanny/au pair to stay overnight to look after him. (she is live out.)
We trust her fully - she looks after him full time, 9am to 7pm - but she is very young (22). She is German but has fluent English. The baby has an excellent routine - goes to bed at 7pm and rarely wakes in the night at all. Have never had a problem settling him if he does wake.
She knows his routine inside out which makes her seem like the obvious choice to leave him with. But something in me is hesitating. I'm not sure if it's just natural mummy nerves at the thought of leaving the precious one with anyone else! Or maybe it's because she's so young. But then she is perfectly capable...
If we do go away, it would take us a couple of hours to get back again if anything happened, though she would have back up from wonderful neighbours in any event.
What do people think?

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Herecomesthesciencebint · 05/04/2008 17:30

This reply has been deleted

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moopymoo · 05/04/2008 17:30

Hmm. Your Aupair sounds good, and realistically baby is in no more danger at night than during the day. However, I would have trepidations too. How about having a trial night at your nearest posh hotel then you could be back quickly before venturing further afield. Am a bit jealous actually, ds2 is 3.5 and we havent left him yet must get a grip....

MiMao · 05/04/2008 17:35

if she looks after your baby 9am - 7pm then when do you look after your baby???

if thats the case then overnight would make no difference and the baby would be fine.

if you trust her in the day then night would be even easier.

sounds like the baby is in capable hands.

i personally would not do it but then I would not have someone look after my children 9am - 7pm either.

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Weegle · 05/04/2008 17:41

Is she really an au pair that looks after your baby 9-7? Au Pairs shouldn't have sole-charge of under-3's, certainly not for that length of time.

I would not leave a baby overnight with an au pair, however fantastic and good. I would consider it with the right nanny, with additional renumeration of course.

I think there are more people who don't get overnight trips away with young children, than those who do. Can you not ask her to babysit and you go out for the evening if you really need time away without the baby?

ALMummy · 05/04/2008 17:50

No.

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 17:50

MiMao, i hope you're not being judgemental with your question? I look after my baby when she isn't looking after him. I work a four day week. Is that okay with you?
I'd love to be a stay at home mum, but i can't be, for financial reasons, at this stage. That's not what the thread is about...
Weegle, she's not an au pair. she's a bright, smart, kind and thoroughly capable young lady with bags of experience with children. i'm lucky to have her!

OP posts:

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 17:52

MiMao, i hope you're not being judgemental with your question? I look after my baby when she isn't looking after him. I work a four day week. Is that okay with you?
I'd love to be a stay at home mum, but i can't be, for financial reasons, at this stage. That's not what the thread is about...
Weegle, she's not an au pair, but she's not a professional nanny either. she's a bright, smart, kind and thoroughly capable young lady with bags of experience with children and i'm lucky to have her!

OP posts:

ALMummy · 05/04/2008 17:54

Just wondering why you are referring to him as "The Baby". Also if she is not an Au Pair, why are you calling her that in your original OP?

Twiglett · 05/04/2008 17:55

you're the only ones who can decide this for yourselves

I personally wouldn't go away with DH overnight at this early age (it took till my youngest was 3 to do so and eldest was 6 so far longer without 'special time')

a nanny and an au-pair are different things .. I'd be prepared to answer some awkward questions regarding training and work visas on MN if experience bears out

hercules1 · 05/04/2008 17:56

I think your thread title suggests that she is an aupair

I also thought aupairs werent meant to have sole care but that's not the issue here.

Personally I'd have thought it far easier to leave her overnight with someone else whilst she is asleep than leaving her in her waking hours.

juuule · 05/04/2008 17:58

No, definitely not. But then, like thesciencebint, I wouldn't leave them overnight with anyone so probably shouldn't comment either.

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 18:02

she doesn't need a work visa - she's an EU citizen on a gap year.
sorry for misleading description. didn't want to call her a nanny because she's not qualified.

OP posts:

Unfitmother · 05/04/2008 18:06

I wouldn't.

MiMao · 05/04/2008 18:07

full time 9am - 7pm sounded more than four days

not judging you for working!

Weegle · 05/04/2008 18:07

I'm confused... what would you call her (ie job title?) and what did you "advertise" for? And does she have CRB checks etc? And renumeration of an AP or a nanny? Or somewhere in between? Just trying to work out what her role is.

purplemoon · 05/04/2008 18:08

Could you take and DH take a day's holiday together and spend a nice day out in each other's company instead?

Twiglett · 05/04/2008 18:09

I think the point is that a lot more parents wouldn't leave an 8 month old than would

but it's your decision

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 18:15

Weegle, i advertised for a nanny. renumeration is at or around the going rate for someone of her age/experience (£300 a week net for four days a week.) 9am to 7pm is the maximum she does - i try and get home by 5.30pm/6pm at least one day a week and don't usually leave the house till 10 or 11am a couple of days a week.
Good idea, purplemoon! i think i'm the only one from my antenatal group of mums who hasn't left the baby with someone else for the night but it's generally grandparents, which is obviously ideal, if they're fully involved anyway etc.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 05/04/2008 18:17

I would have thought leaving her with this person would be better than a grandparent as surely she is far more involved than a grandparent? I wouldn't do it but then I wouldnt leave a child this age so long with someone other than a parent or grandparent anyway so we are all different.

Twiglett · 05/04/2008 18:18

if you felt truly comfortable with the idea you wouldn't have asked

I had to leave DS (eldest) when he was 8 months old to go on a company do .. I left him with DH .. I couldn't get back early enough .. it was horrible ... from my perspective I can't understand people ever choosing to do it voluntarily .

Weegle · 05/04/2008 18:19

I think that's the thing - most people who would leave a baby would do so with a trusted family member. I think it's quite unusual to leave such a young child with paid childcare. You can get night nannies if you really need to - these will be vetted by an agency and if your baby is v good and unlikely to wake then you could easily do an overnight trip to somewhere nearby.

MiMao · 05/04/2008 18:20

Or you could ask her if she could come to yours some Saturday or Sunday morning at 8am and then she could take your baby out for a few hours so you and Dh could have a lie in. Then you both get dressed and go out and spend the day together and get back in the evening. Just have to pay her more than normal though.

MrsMattie · 05/04/2008 18:21

if you trust her, go for it. Perhaps go to a hotel not too far from your home so you can get back if there is an emergency?

pistachio · 05/04/2008 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules1 · 05/04/2008 18:23

I know someone who has a woman who looks after her 8 months old for 4 days a week for 24 hours. They pay her £100 in total and she has £20 travel costs to get to their house. THe baby sleeps in the carers room so the parents dont have to get up in the night or be disturbed in the morning or evening. They often use her for extra days as well. Very

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