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Original poster

would you leave baby overnight with au pair?

78 replies

miniegg · 05/04/2008 17:27

DH and I are considering trying to go away for one night or perhaps two to a hotel. we haven't had a night without the baby since he was born and really need some special time together. The baby is now eight months. One option we are thinking about is to ask our nanny/au pair to stay overnight to look after him. (she is live out.)
We trust her fully - she looks after him full time, 9am to 7pm - but she is very young (22). She is German but has fluent English. The baby has an excellent routine - goes to bed at 7pm and rarely wakes in the night at all. Have never had a problem settling him if he does wake.
She knows his routine inside out which makes her seem like the obvious choice to leave him with. But something in me is hesitating. I'm not sure if it's just natural mummy nerves at the thought of leaving the precious one with anyone else! Or maybe it's because she's so young. But then she is perfectly capable...
If we do go away, it would take us a couple of hours to get back again if anything happened, though she would have back up from wonderful neighbours in any event.
What do people think?

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nappyaddict · 05/04/2008 18:27

i think leaving the baby with the au pair who is obviously very close to your ds is completely different to leaving an 8 month old with a night nanny who you probably wouldn't have ever met before. imo it would be the same as leaving her with a grandparent or other close relative. her age has nothing to do with it if she is otherwise responsible, mature and knows how to look after your baby. my ds was 2 weeks old the first time i left him overnight and i felt fine with it but different strokes for different folks and all that.

lilolilmanchester · 05/04/2008 18:44

If you trust her 9am - 7pm, then not sure why you're worried at all about leaving him overnight, when he'll be asleep most of the time? If you're worried about leaving him in her charge overnight, you shouldn't be leaving him with her for 14 hours a day, so if something's niggling at the back of your mind you need to address it. I honestly don't mean this to sound nasty,jsut stating a fact, but your au pair actually spends more waking hours with your DS than you do - so really it shouldn't be a problem.

NotABanana · 05/04/2008 18:45

What is she doing looking after him 9-7? Au pairs aren't meant to have sole charge and certainly not do those hours.

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nappyaddict · 05/04/2008 18:50

btw it is ok to call her a nanny - not all nannies have qualifications.

dinny · 05/04/2008 18:54

can't you just take "the baby" with you?

you might enjoy it.

SmugColditz · 05/04/2008 18:56

au pair is a fairly generic term for an unqualified nanny, and as long as she is on at least the minimum wage does it matter what she is called? If she is on the 'genuine au pair' average of 'pocket money' then she is being exploited, but that does not seem to be the situation here. calm down!

WideWebWitch · 05/04/2008 19:09

it sounds fine to me. she knows him, has sole charge during the week and really is a nanny, albeit unqualified. he has a good routine, she's an adult, it'll be fine.

I would do it. dh and I had a night away when our dd was about 6 mos old and it was wonderful. not sure why you're getting a hard time here except maybe people were thinking she was paid 50 quid a week and shouldn't have sole charge.

WideWebWitch · 05/04/2008 19:11

and bloody hell, what's with all the judging on this thread? people are allowed to work!

nannynick · 05/04/2008 19:12

Your nanny (feel that is a better word to use, than au-pair) is well known to your DS and to you. So I can't see there being an issue. Your nanny already does 9am to 7pm and babies spend a lot of the night asleep (if you're lucky).
Thinking back to 1994, I cared for a 8 month old quite often overnight. I was 19... so younger than your nanny... and back then I was just a babysitter, so no formal childcare training. Only training I would have had was First Aid.

You say she is perfectly capable, so what are you worrying about?

hifi · 05/04/2008 19:25

do it, if youre not going far theres no reason not to.

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 19:50

notabanana - i don't think you've read the whole thread, which is fair enough, but i won't bore everyone by explaining again. thanks nannynick, i will call her a nanny in future. i don't think my concerns are particularly rational -she's perfectly capable, otherwise i wouldn't be entrusting my DS to her every day, obviously. it's just normal mummy anxiety. i'm sure others can relate.
i expect once you've gone away once it's easier the next time, though i certainly wouldn't want to do it regularly. don't see enough of him as it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

miniegg · 05/04/2008 19:52

hercules1, that's abs horrendous..

OP posts:

NotABanana · 05/04/2008 19:53

I did read the thread

you called her an au pair

i stated an au pair is not allowed to work those hours

are you sure you are not calling her an au pair so as to noe pay nanny wages?

NotABanana · 05/04/2008 19:54

missed the post about paying her £300 so I take that back

Quattrocento · 05/04/2008 19:56

I don't know why you called your nanny your aupair but I can't imagine what the difference is between leaving her in charge for the day and leaving her in charge at night when your DS is asleep.

Now I do have an aupair - a real aupair as opposed to a nanny and I have left the DCs overnight with him. My children are a lot older than your baby and it's very rare but I have done it and why not?

KerryMum · 05/04/2008 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hifi · 05/04/2008 20:08

kerrymum, lots of mums who have to work have chilcare for that length of time, especially when theres long commutes, dont have a go at her, im sure shes none too pleased about situation.

RahRahRachel · 05/04/2008 20:11

When I was a 22yo old nanny I regularly looked after my 8 month old charge for two or three days and nights at a time as mum worked away a lot. I looked after her for two weeks when she was less than a year actually.

I don't think 22 is very young really - plenty of women are mothers at that age! If your nanny is capable of doing long days then overnight shouldn't be a problem.

RahRahRachel · 05/04/2008 20:12

Also, I'm not qualified but still a nanny!

silvermum · 05/04/2008 20:29

kerrymum, i've already answered that question. i must admit i was surprised to get the question once, never mind twice. i can't help feeling it's a judgemental question, on what i'm sure you can imagine is a very sensitive issue. do you think mothers who work are bad mothers? perhaps we're best not going there!
I'm grateful to be repeatedly corrected on my use of terminology. I simply thought that if i used the word "nanny" then that implied qualifications. my mistake. end of.

silvermum · 05/04/2008 20:32

just changed my name as i'm no longer addicted to minieggs. in fact i ate so many at easter i felt sick and put myself off them completely...

KerryMum · 05/04/2008 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unfitmother · 05/04/2008 20:36

I work full-time, so am not judging you but couldn't imagine leaving one so young overnight.
If you aren't sure why not wait until they're older?
Don't leave it as long as me though - DS was 8 years before we had a night in hotel!

Alambil · 05/04/2008 20:53

Do it - your baby will be fine, he(?) knows the nanny, nanny knows him... it's not like he'll have a strange face peering at him in the cot if he wakes up

By the way, I was 19 when DS came along so 22 is a fine age to look after a baby for 24 hours - but I think you know that now...

Enjoy your night off; you could go to a hotel in your town if you want to be on hand in case of emergencies

Herecomesthesciencebint · 05/04/2008 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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