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Original poster

would you leave baby overnight with au pair?

78 replies

miniegg · 05/04/2008 17:27

DH and I are considering trying to go away for one night or perhaps two to a hotel. we haven't had a night without the baby since he was born and really need some special time together. The baby is now eight months. One option we are thinking about is to ask our nanny/au pair to stay overnight to look after him. (she is live out.)
We trust her fully - she looks after him full time, 9am to 7pm - but she is very young (22). She is German but has fluent English. The baby has an excellent routine - goes to bed at 7pm and rarely wakes in the night at all. Have never had a problem settling him if he does wake.
She knows his routine inside out which makes her seem like the obvious choice to leave him with. But something in me is hesitating. I'm not sure if it's just natural mummy nerves at the thought of leaving the precious one with anyone else! Or maybe it's because she's so young. But then she is perfectly capable...
If we do go away, it would take us a couple of hours to get back again if anything happened, though she would have back up from wonderful neighbours in any event.
What do people think?

OP posts:

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rookiemater · 05/04/2008 22:05

I think it would be absolutely fine. It is easy for people to say no way if :
a) its not something they would feel comfortable with
or
b) they have grandparents or other relatives who can look after their DC

Your child knows the nanny, as you say your DS hardly ever wakes, and its not as if its a random stranger who is going to be comforting him anyway.

Personally I wouldn't want to be away for more than one night particularly for the first time, but intrinsically I would say why not.

yogimum · 05/04/2008 22:33

She sounds perfectly capable and so I would say yes. As long as she has your number to contact her. Maybe as suggested earlier go to a hotel close by and just for one night. I left ds at 6 months with his grandparents for one night. (well it was my honeymoon)

I recently looked after a little boy 7 months for 8 days whilst he was staying at his grannys. His parents were in the caribbean.

farfaraway · 05/04/2008 22:46

Your DS know this lady very well and she is probably more in tune with his routines, likes, dislikes, nap times etc than a well meaning family member.

Am shocked at the responses you have received on here and I would say wholeheartedly go and relax and enjoy. Going against the grain but I believe being a parent does not mean giving up all forms of adult life or your marriage. Children do not have to be there and involved in every aspect of your relationship with your husband and it will not harm them to form trusing and healthy relationships with others.

So yes, take every precaution or check you feel necessary but do not abnormal for wanting to spend time alone with your husband. By the way recently left all my my 3 dd's (youngest 7mths) with a very trusted mothers help for one night and they were all fine and we all had a great time.

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Nighbynight · 05/04/2008 22:51

I dont think I would be happy to have an au pair that I couldnt trust to look after my children overnight.
I have had to leave my children with an AP a couple of times - but have always paid extra (before the sanctimonious decend!).

silvermum · 06/04/2008 00:06

oh yes of COURSE we'd pay extra! out of the question to ask her to do it for nothing, wouldn't dream of it.
farfaraway, phew. i'm glad you came along! i was beginning to feel under seige by some of the posts questioning my arrangements.
but i appreciate all the comments and realise people have widely differing views and respect those who wouldn't leave their children either for a long day at the office or overnight. it would be boring if we all agreed.

Qally · 06/04/2008 05:20

I think your son is lucky to have you and your nanny. And he'll be completely fine with her overnight - you and your DH deserve some happy alone time, too! After all, nothing will upset your son more than parental marital problems. If he's a good sleeper then it seems fine, and if he does wake, best that he has someone he already knows and loves to comfort and tend to him.

I'm also a bit bemused by some of the comments to this thread. I'm planning on being a SAHM, but my single-parent Mum had to dump us in some pretty appalling childcare for money reasons, not to mention on my bonkers grandma in the holidays (she thought the best way to get kids to sit up straight was to put nails in the back of their chair). Yet I ended up going to Cambridge, and I've had a good career, great friends, and am married to the nicest man alive. It certainly doesn't appear to have scarred me for life, because Mum adored me and I always knew she did. Childhood is an exercise in the possible, and a first-class nanny four days a week, and Mum 3 days a week, seems like a fairly gold-plated possibility to me!

QuintessentialShadows · 06/04/2008 07:44

The other alternative, which I personally would be more comfortable with, is to take baby and au pair with me, and let them have their own room. Then you get to spend time with baby in the day, have help when you need it, and "adult" time in the evening.

justabouttohavelunch · 06/04/2008 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nappyaddict · 06/04/2008 08:19

in the op you actually called her a nanny/au pair which states you weren't sure what to call her probably cos shes from germany was it you said and is on a gap year? some people aren't comfortable leaving young babies overnight, but many are. if you aren't it is not to say silvermum is wrong for wanting to do so. i have left ds many times overnight from the very young age of 2 weeks. i personally felt fine with that, but i know most couldn't do it so young. i also know someone who went on holiday for 2 weeks and left their month old baby with their parents. people have different limits to what they feel able to do - no one is right or wrong.

branflake81 · 06/04/2008 08:31

I too am shocked at the vitriolic responses. I would 100% leave the baby with this woman, she has demonstrated commitment, maturity and ability. What more can you ask for?

I think children can and should be left with people other than the parents ovenight. Even babies. I never was and have, as a result, always hated sleeping away from home. I don't think that's healthy.

As a parent, it's your job to prepare children for adulthood which means letting them experience things outside the home. And I think this goes for 8 month olds too.

juuule · 06/04/2008 09:40

Branflake, Do you really think that babies should be left overnight with people other than parents and that it's unhealthy not to do so?

My older children have no problems sleeping away from home despite? not being left with people other than parents overnight in their younger years, including when they were babies.

Although I'm not sure where the sleeping away from home comes into it as the op child will be at home.

justabouttohavelunch · 06/04/2008 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 06/04/2008 09:44

FWIW, I left my baby regularly with my mum and sister overnight from birth. I went to New York for 5 days when he was 4 mths old and have holidayed and worked abroad without him several times since (he is now 3 yrs old - just left him with my mum to go to India very recently, actually). If you trust the person you are leaving your child with and that person knows your child's routine, I see no problem with it. Especially for one night.

MrsMattie · 06/04/2008 09:46

p.s. to juuule - I don't think it's unhealthy to leave your baby with a atrusted person overnight at all. Personally, I think it must be very hard on parents who never have a single night off from their kids, but I wouldn't call it 'unhealthy'. It's their choice (or perhaps it's through circumstance rather than choice in many instances) and I wouldn't judge, although I'm glad that isn't my situation.

shit · 06/04/2008 09:47

i left young ones for a 4 day trip with an aupair (knew the routine etc) and my mother (more exp, vested interest in keeping them alive etc)

can you ask someone who loves them to come and stay with the aupair? 2 heads (4 hands) better than one...?

Hulababy · 06/04/2008 09:51

How judgemental is this thread?!

The Op asked for comments on leaving her baby overnight. What hours she works and her form of childcare during the day really should not be of any concern!

I personally wouldn't leave an 8month old overnight but that is just me. If you feel happy doing so then go for it. Doesn't mater who the childcarer is - nanny, friend or family - so long as you, childcarer and baby are happy with what is happeneing.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2008 09:53

Personally, I would only be prepared to leave baby with family at that age.

Although when in the despairing depths of newborn sleeplessness, I would have left them with anyone who'd take them...

shit · 06/04/2008 09:55

agree hula, from scannin g alone. im not even going to read it... read it all before. need that judgypants link...

Pannacotta · 06/04/2008 09:55

Personally I wouldn't leave an 8 month old overnight either as I'd be too anxious to relax.
I like QS's suggestion to go away with your DH, baby and the nanny, best of both worlds!

fym · 06/04/2008 10:04

If you are happy leaving the baby with her 9-7 then overnight should be fine.

I have my parents look after my baby fortunately and they have him overnight too occasionally. I left him for 4 nights at 8 months while I went to Hong Kong.

However I have to say I would be a SAHM if I didn't have my parents I couldn't leave him with a stranger! also I work at home so am here all the time for him if needed. Still have the jitters leaving him at home with grandparents overnight!!!

shit · 06/04/2008 10:04

pah, leave the baby with aupair and a family member. youre laughing.
and youd relax fine, trust me.
sheesh, 1 night off duty in 8m - i think she deserves a break if she wants one!

shit · 06/04/2008 10:06

oh good point. if youre fine to leave her with baby alone during day, and shes fine to do it overnight, you are PERFECTLY OK to leave them for one night.
you'll only be a phone call away. it'll be fine.

WideWebWitch · 06/04/2008 11:05

For me it wouldn't be a break if I took my baby and my au pair. It would be childcare somewhere different.

I do think it's perfectly reasonable for people to want to spend time with their husbands/partners without any children there. And some people don't want to and that's fine.

Hulababy · 06/04/2008 11:51

But this nanny is NOT a stranger! She is someone the family, inc the baby, know well - after this many months of care. Just the same as if you chose to use a childminder or nursery.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have grandparents willing and able to childmind. And not everyone is lucky enough to chose whetehr they work or not!

justabouttohavelunch · 06/04/2008 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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