10 year old won't use toilet

[Katiemonkey15]

We are at our wits end now with 10yo dd who has fairly frequent accidents in her pants because she just won't go to the loo.

She eats a good diet, no food allergies (we tested), no learning or behavioural issues and nobody else in the family has any issues. We have a 3yo who just toilet trained like a dream yet were dealing with this with a 10yo. I do try not to get too cross or overly embarrass her about it but it's really tough because she will literally sit on the sofa and poo her pants rather than take herself to the loo. Sometimes her sister will tell me that she's doing it cos she can tell by her body language (and the smell and somwtkmes noise) but dd herself just sits there and shows no urgency to get herself to the loo. Unless I frog march her and make her sit she won't go to the loo at all.

Have tried incentives, punishments and nothing seems to work. GP thought she might be constipated so we tried laxative drink sachets for a while but only made it worse as gave her diarrhea.

Anyone any advice on how to basically re-toilet train a ten year old?

@Katiemonkey15 - I’m not just a mum, I’m also a nurse. Love that your DD is enjoying learning all about her body and the correct terms. In this kind of situation she will learn how to speak to doctors when she’s old enough and give her a better understanding of herself and body ownership. Who knows…? May inspire a career path eventually! You are a great mum who has acted as quickly as you could when you realised there was a problem. Don’t let crazy people into your headspace.

Thanks girls. I'm honestly fine now as told my friend about it and she took me for breakfast and to have a good old rant about that cow! In all seriousness, don't know what situation she might be in with her baby or her life in general but think you'd have to be not a great place to criticise kids and mums so I silently wish her well and forget about her. Was lovely to have a long brunch out and not talk about any of the kids for an hour. Just what the doctor ordered. Came home to find dd2 (classic neglected middle child) riding her bike outside the front of the house still in her pyjamas and with ketchup all over her face 😳 but the other two were fine so 2/3 ain't bad!

I would definitely do this.

And then rejoin the group with a different profile, so nobody you know can contact you.
It's the work of minutes to set up a FB a/c.

It did say PMs were against the rules so I presume the people who messaged me would get kicked out and don't want that tbh as they might need that group more than me. I just want to forget about it tbh.
Not sure if the admins would accept a join request from a profile that's clearly brand new? I'm going to take a breather from it for today anyway.

We've just finished day 2 and by this day last time dd was having serious diarrhea. Was dreading that happening again but having the opposite problem this time as nothing is happening at all. She's drunk all the movicol plus loads of water and been doing regular sits but hasn't had so much as a parp. I'm worried because she hasn't actually done anything since she had the enemas in hospital on Thursday despite all the movicol and eating normally since then. She says her tummy doesn't hurt but is 'gurgly' and I think she's straining on the loo which I've tried to tell her to stop doing. I'm worried to give her more tomorrow until I can speak to someone in the clinic in case she has some kind of blockage? Should i be panicking?

The enema will only have moved rocks of poo that were low down, and in reach of it. There will be rocks of poo higher up that the enema couldn't reach. Those are what are currently stopping more poo coming through, but the movicol will start to erode things away from the edges. Stay with the programme.

Can I second the recommendation for Wype? - I have piles and this stuff has been a joy! Definitely worth a try - it makes wiping painless and comfortable.

Ok so my DD had to do the disimpaction & it took about 5 days for anything to come out initially - I was so flipping stressed! I thought it would never happen. And then it did. And it was a lot! So don't give up, it will happen, as pp said stay with the programme. And you - hang in there... it's so incredibly stressful but this will get better & your DD will be ok.

Don’t panic!

Think of it this way - Movicol is a stool softener and it has to work its way through all the impacted stool in her large intenstine. And if a child is badly backed up it might take days to work its way through the entire gut until it reaches the hard poo right at the bottom end.

It will be working, it just hasn’t slowly way its way through her entire digestive tract yet.

Keep up the regime, increasing the dose as directed. She probably DOES have a blockage, but it’s a poo blockage! Trust the process and follow it as directed. It WILL work. Don’t even worry about the lack of wind, because I find Movicol doesn’t make you windy (Lactulose on the other hand… dear god, it’s awful).

Yeah don’t worry. You’re basically trying to break down a rock of poo with just some extra water - it’s going to take some time.

Thanks everyone. Was just worried because its such a contrast to the last time. Dr said if she hasn't done anything by Thursday he'll prescibe a stimulant to take on top of the movicol to get things moving. She's bored in the house off school today so eating more than usual if anything. I should probably take her out somewhere for some fresh air and movement and a change of scenery but terrified that's when the floodgates will open.

Disimpaction can definitely take several days to get started, OP.
So just keep going!

Just keep jamming lots of water in too!

keep going with the movicol for a good few days yet. Don’t introduce a stimulant if nothing is coming out because the bowel is then trying to poo but the poo is still too hard so it can be really painful. The movicol needs to do it’s job first- and it will.

also I agree with recommendation for Wype. Brilliant stuff.

Thanks again everyone. Things finally started moving for dd when she was in the bath last night (I wonder if she needed to relax). Obviously I'm relived things have moved but she had a very difficult night. She spent pretty much the whole night on the loo and has only had very short spells of relief today. DH and I took turns to sit with her in the night so we at least got a few hours kip each but she got nothing. She's exhausted already and I know we have a long way to go. Can't see how she can get through another night with no sleep at all but it doesn't show any signs of letting up for her?

A bowel stimulant might be needed to help it come out. Mine needed movicol and pico sulphate/senna tablets, because her bowel was stretched.

@Beautiful3 yes Dr had said he'd give us a tablet to take if she didnt go soon but that it would be hard on her tummy so to wait until Thursday or friday. She's now gone the other way and can't stop. I'm really worried about what to do tonight if its as bad as last night because she spent the entire night on the loo and got no sleep. She didn't even get a proper nap in today. She's shattered.

I’d try and see it as similar to a tummy bug, in the sense that it’s really tough and they need time to recover after, but for this bit, you push through and deal with the moment in the moment. ❤️ Tough for all of you, sending unmumsnetty hugs.

Try not to let your anxiety get the better of you. It’s just 💩 😂

Hopefully after last night’s onslaught there will be less to come out and she’ll get more respite in between toilet visits. Allow her to catnap during the day as much as she needs. Be prepared for some wake ups tonight but fingers crossed she will be able to sleep for longer stretches. And make sure she gets an early night.

Great advice from @ChaosAndCrumbs. Yes this stage is horrible but it’s temporary and you just have to power through it.

And OP I know you're thinking back to the last time you did this, but you understand the physiology now, and you need to be confident in the process.

Won't give up whatever we do @TheShellBeach don't worry. Just wish she could get some sleep. Harder to get her to eat and drink today too cos she has no energy.

Poor kid, she's really been through it!

I feel so sorry for her, she just wants to sleep.

Make sure she’s drinking plenty. Although Movicol does contain rehydration salts to counteract the water that’s being pulled into the gut, she’s obviously losing a lot of liquid so make sure she isn’t getting dehydrated. That’s more important than food at this stage.

I hope she manages to get some sleep tonight.

I was quite hard to you at the beginning of the thread because I thought you were thinking she was being lazy or almost doing it on purpose. I apologise for that. I can see how much you are looking after her.