10 year old won't use toilet

[Katiemonkey15]

We are at our wits end now with 10yo dd who has fairly frequent accidents in her pants because she just won't go to the loo.

She eats a good diet, no food allergies (we tested), no learning or behavioural issues and nobody else in the family has any issues. We have a 3yo who just toilet trained like a dream yet were dealing with this with a 10yo. I do try not to get too cross or overly embarrass her about it but it's really tough because she will literally sit on the sofa and poo her pants rather than take herself to the loo. Sometimes her sister will tell me that she's doing it cos she can tell by her body language (and the smell and somwtkmes noise) but dd herself just sits there and shows no urgency to get herself to the loo. Unless I frog march her and make her sit she won't go to the loo at all.

Have tried incentives, punishments and nothing seems to work. GP thought she might be constipated so we tried laxative drink sachets for a while but only made it worse as gave her diarrhea.

Anyone any advice on how to basically re-toilet train a ten year old?

Is that better than a bath?

Metanium is wonderful stuff. Used it on my DC when they were babies. It should be with sudocrem etc. It can stain so tell her to wash her hands carefully

Well, it's quicker! And uses less water.

I suppose I suggested a shower because we haven't actually got a bath.
🤣

I agree that Metanium is excellent stuff. You only need a tiny amount.

@LittleBearPad thanks- do you mean she should put it on on top of sudocreme?

Thanks. She showers in the morning but when her bum is sore the baths seem to help, even if its just the relaxing effect. She loves it and could stay in the bath for hours if I let her

Can I just get yellow metanium otc in the pharmacy?

No, they mean it's in the same aisle in the pharmacy.

And you can buy Metanium OTC. It's also in the nappy rash department.

You apply Metanium to dry skin, on its own, not with Sudocrem.

All these creams we've suggested will help, but your DD will figure out whichever one helps the most. Eventually.

If it's not causing her pain, she just needs to keep the area clean. Use wet wipes or wet toilet paper to wipe with. Sitting on a sitz bath a couple of times a day will help with healing. If it becomes painful, ask your doctor or pharmacist about a numbing cream. Adults can use things like Prep H or Anusol, but you would need advice from a professional before you use that on a child.

She said it does cause her pain when she poos and she's going to be pooing a lot for the next few days 😫Doctor didn't suggest or prescribe anything for it. Maybe I should ask GP about a numbing cream?

Personally, I would. I had a fissure as a child. It felt like I was passing glass. I don't remember how long it lasted or what treatments I was given, I just remember the sharp, cutting pain.

Your poor dd. The disimpaction is going to be horrible (and possibly sore) enough without the added pain of the fissure on top. If there’s anything she can get to reduce that pain I’d be asking for it

That’s exactly what I meant, it’s in the same aisle - sorry I wasn’t clear

No I think I'm just not that with it today!

Not at all. Plus you’ve had quite the week!

It's fine! You've been through hell with your daughter, and you've been getting up to speed on the treatment of chronic constipation.

It's no wonder you're feeling you're not with it today! You've been bombarded with information.

and tea are required.

Or maybe some

A 🍷or two once everyone is in bed for sure but need to be more careful than I'd like to be because a hangover and 3 kids (one of whom is being disimpacted and one of whom has just figured out how to open both the front door and garden gate) don't mix!

Get Germaloids pile cream from the pharmacy, you'll have to ask for it, it has a local anesthetic in it so will numb the pain and I think its recommended for anal fissures anyway, it's antiseptic.

I joined a group on social media (won't say the name just in case) and had been lurking soaking up information. Almost immediately after I did eventually post I got a message from a dad of one of dd2s friends from gymnastics. It was a nice supportive message (they have a son with special needs who has a lot of bowel complications so he could sympathise to an extent) but he asked which dd it was and I suddenly became conscious about dds privacy. (She's mortified at the thought of her teacher knowing never mind random other people we know). Reassured myself that everyone in the group was in the same boat but very soon after I got what i consider quite a nasty message from a woman I used to work with (we weren't exactly close, my best friend was her line manager and had to let her go and i had to take her on my team for her notice period so not an ideal situation). It was passive aggressive rather than overtly nasty (was veiled as sympathy) but the implication was that our situation is shocking and that there must be something wrong in the head with dd and I'm a shit mum for letting it happen. She literally ended by saying it's her worst nightmare that her baby would end up like my dd. It really upset me last night so DH made me delete the group and he's made me feel a bit bad for getting so upset cos its dd who needs the support and for us to be the strong ones.
I'm going for a swim by myself to try to forget about it hopefully before the kids are all up. DH told me to take myself into town for the afternoon and he'd man the fort but I'd be too worried about what id come back to to find that relaxing! Sorry for the rant but very grateful for this space to ask my stupid questions without anyone who knows me judging us.

I’m so sorry OP. What an absolute cow.

Anonymity of MN is helpful but it’s a shame you can’t access the FB group - would a second ‘fake’ account work? You’re not setting it up for malicious purposes. Maybe also check your privacy settings

Honestly OP, what a bi**h! That’s the lowest of blows. My dds issues were anxiety based and I got so much judgement and criticism masked as sympathy or advice that I learned to let it in one ear and out the other. Hope you’re ok. You’ve got this and it won’t be forever!

OP I would report that woman to the group admin. I know it won't help much but at least it might stop her sending a message like that to someone else.

So an arsehole of a woman remains an arsehole. In other news, the pope is still a catholic. It's a her problem not a you problem.

Meanwhile, you are quietly & capably getting on with resolving the issue you sought help for.

I hope the next few days are successful and that your DD gets have some fun in there too. Hopefully she is young enough to enjoy some silly toilet humour even if she isn't really feeling it.

Re bum cleaning, we use baby lotion on toilet paper to feel clean after a poo. It's an easy and cheap option.