Having school friends round to play

[perpetualworrier]

Up to now DS1 (6yo) has generally only had friends round, where I know the mum well. Often she and any other children will come too and we make a day of it, stay for lunch, maybe go to the park etc.

Tommorrow we have a school friend coming on his own. I have arranged for his Mum to drop him off at 10:30am (school hols here). Does this mean I need to give him lunch? It's not that I don't want to feed him, more that I think 1.5 hours might be enough, so I was thinking of suggesting she collects him at 12. What do you think? Would this seem odd? We didn't discuss lunch when making arrangements. Would you assume that 10:30 in the hols means lunch too?

Similarly, if a friend comes straight from school, is it usual to give them tea, or would they normally stay for c. 1.5 hours and go home for tea?

I would prob give them a snack lunch, around 12 then ask mum to come about 12.30 if you dont want them to stay much longer. Say you have to pop out at 1.

After school, I would give tea, and mum collects by 6pm, although at that age waiting til 6 can be agony for the mum who is doing the tea! Alot of damage to the house can be done in 2 and half hours!!!

I would include lunch with pick up after.

after school playdates invariably involve tea IME

Top tip; if possible offer to take the invitee home. This means you're not waiting anxiously looking at the clock for their mum to come at 6pm when things can be getting a bit fraught. If need be if things are about to kick off at 5.45 it's shoes on, time to go and the playdate can hopefully end while everyone's still happy.

After school def involves dinner, and always be the transport, pick the child up from school and then take them home at about 6ish.

I'd say more than 1.5 hours if they're coming for 10:30, do lunch then drop them off about 12:30ish.

Oh also, do the food in the middle of the time they come, so if you pick up from school, do dinner for about 4:30, they'll eat til about 5:30 if you do a small pudding too and then it's tidy up time and you cna take them home, means you only get about an hour when they first get there of playing and screaming around.

It all depends on the child and how well they get on when they're in a one-on-one situation. An hour and half can feel like an eternity sometimes! Why not say to the Mum that you can't offer lunch tomorrow, could you drop him off at 12. Then if they play well together, you can have him back and arrange to do lunch/tea another time. I don't think it matters whether you offer meals or not as long as the parent knows in advance and can make their arrangements around it. We usually do tea/lunch when friends come over, but the children are much older and I didn't do meals so often when they were 6.

I would say if someone was dropped off at 10.30 then the expectation would be you would feed him lunch and he'd be picked up mid afternoon .. but if you don't want to do this you need to make it really clear .. my expectation would be a 2pm or so pick-up really

I've never had such a short playdate .. they tend to last 3 - 4 hours (after school includes dinner)

With us playdates also tend to last for 2 hours+, though I cannot provide transport, as we have no car. I make it clear that I will walk child home, but usually mums pick up; they are not used to the concept of their child walking for a mile.

Have you arranges a collect time?

I would assume lunch would be included, and pick up some time after that. Often our playdates, during school days, will last for far longer than 2 hours.

After school I collect said child from school with DD and take them home. They then play, have tea and are collected by parents around 6pm - often parents collecting after they finish work.

I would give him lunch.

morning drop off - lunch about 12.30 and pick up/drop home about 2.00

after school - snack when you get in, tea about 5.30 pick up/drop home 6.30

Thanks for that everyone. So, I'll give him lunch (fish fingers?) at about 12 and offer to take him home c. 1:30, on my way out (which will be true I do need to go out tommorrow afternoon).

A couple more questions if you don't mind.

-What on earth will they do for 3 hours?
-If things are getting fraught/boredom sets in would you let them watch a (U rated) DVD?
-For an after school playdate, I am lucky enough to have DH home soon after 5pm (he goes out at 5:30 am), so we usually have tea as a family, would you continue as normal and include the friends in your family dinner, or would you feed the children and adults eat later?

I have a lot to learn I fear - why am I so nervous?

On after school playdates DD normally eats early with her friend, around 5pm, simply as Dh isn't home till 6:30pm (we normally all eat together than). However if DH was home and we were eating early we'd all eat together. Mind you DD likes eating alone with just a friend - sees it as a treat.

I just leave DD and her friends to play independently. They go and play in her room or playroom, or in the garden. If they want to do craft (involving messy stuff like paint/glue) or something like that DD will ask if it is okay and I will sort it out for them. I just check in every so often to make sure ok.

I avoid intervening too much - esp in swabbles. I leave them to sort things out themselves as much as I can.

I allow DVDs/ a bit of TV/ Wii on longer playdates if I feel they need it. Can be useful towards the end of a playdate for calming things down - after tidy up time.

Thank you for all your help yesterday. Friend came, stayed 3 hours and there wasn't a cross word or even disagreement for the whole time. They even included DS2 in their play and DS2 ate all his lunch "like the big boys".

I just have one more question. What do ypu give them for snacks? I offered custard cream biscuits, which were not a success at all, although my 2 thought it was Christmas. Last time I had another child here I offered them choc chip cookies and they went down like a lead balloon too. I thought they would be a huge treat.

My Ds's think it's huge treat to be offered anything except fruit between meals. What do "normal" kids eat?

no e numbers thats a dead cert! No coke/fizzy but cookies and crisps would be ok but nearer going home time (!), then a box of raisins to be munching when mum arrives!

Mine would be entirely happy with custard creams or choc chip cookies. But I've given trying to guess what most of DD1's friends would regard as a treat. Have had too many completely inexplicable turned up noses.

I just try and have a reasonable range of standard child-friendly snacks (biscuits, fruit, dried fruit, bread). Sometimes put two or three things on a plate for them to share, so they can choose the bits they like without being obvious about the ones they don't.

mine would have bitten your arm off for a custard cream but would have been just as happy with fruit (age 7 and 6)

would also say....we don't eat (me and dh) till much much later because we aren't back from work but I would think it was LOVELY if you had mine round and sat them down with your family for tea. Really lovely. So I would do that when you have kids round unless it's a pain and you want to feed them on their own.