Feel like I can’t do anything nice with my 6yo

[claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer]

Nothing is ever enough for her, every single thing is a drama. We went bowling this morning as a nice family treat, we were meant to go and get pizza afterwards. First it was a huff that she didn’t score a strike, then that her dad beat her at air hockey, then that she wanted McDonald’s and not pizza for lunch. We ended up going home and having sandwiches instead because of her attitude. It’s the same with everything-took her out to a cafe after school and she was cross because I wouldn’t buy her a magazine. Played imaginary games with her this afternoon and she was furious when I had to stop to cook tea. Played switch sports and she had a tantrum that she didn’t win EVERY game. She shouts at us, does this weird thing where she is basically growling/snarling, goes on and on about how mean I am. You give her 2 sweets, she wants 3. Read 3 stories and she wants 5.

I try to set expectations and boundaries (I can play for 20 mins and then I need to stop; we can get a sweet in the shop but no toys) but it barely seems to sink in. I feel like I don’t want to do anything nice with her because either it won’t go exactly the way she wants or she’ll want more and more and more. I am just so ground down by it all. Has anyone had similar and please tell me they grow out of it?

I saw a funny thing on instagram lately - someone said that being a parent is being a frontal lobe - providing a brain function that your child has not yet developed.

All the time you are modelling impulse control, limits, boundaries, consideration for others etc.

That's why you have to repeat and repeat and repeat until they begin to develop the function for themselves.

My youngest was a shocker for always wanting more than could possibly be offered. He's 13 now and although he will still say Please can we get a takeaway! right in the middle of a conversation where DH and I are saying that we will be having walks and picnics this weekend it's the month end - we can now just say say "DS did you hear anything we've just been saying?'" And he will laugh and get over it.

I'm afraid it's just repeat repeat repeat that brain function for your DD for now, though.

There's nothing wrong with her she's being a six year old. But likewise she has to start to learn. It won't happen overnight but it will happen if you continue to be kind but firm and call out entitled behaviour without becoming raging and over punitive yourself.

Maybe calm down the treats a bit, too.

Yup, they learn by repetition and modelled behaviour.
ThomussTanks advice is also very good.
Most 6 year olds can't handle competitive games. Switch to more collaborative play where you can.
Too much stimulation can also make kids behave poorly.
Either give in early or hold the line - otherwise you are training your children to nag you.
Say yes when you can. Say no when you mean it!
Set very clearly your expectations for behaviour, sympathise when they're struggling, let them experience the big feelings but help them regulate. If you're doing an activity and the child is beastly - they're not having a good time either. Cut it short, don't be angry but say, let's do this another time when we're calmer/happier and leave.

She sounds spoiled OP. It sounds like she’s used to getting what she wants and she’s never learned to be disappointed.

My 6 year old can be like this. Seems ungrateful and the list of requests is endless. I.e taking her for Maccys as a treat and then her asking for sweets/toy soon after and then getting angry/tantrum /stroppy if I say no. I have had to remind her when she's ungrateful and pointed out that I won't take her for treats anymore if she doesn't appreciate it.

I think it's a phase and hopefully she will grow out of it! Most of the time she is good, just sometimes her wants are unreasonable and unrealistic.

Is it just her? Has she got any siblings?

My dd was very similar at that age. She's grown up now & lovely but we do still occasionally see a flash of the child she could be!
Her favourite thing was to push us to breaking point then keep saying she "couldn't understand what she'd done wrong..."
It'll get better but you're definitely not alone. There's some great advice here from pps that I wish I'd had back then.
I do remember often saying privately to dh:
"Everything that should be nice, is shit."
Always wondered if she was enjoying causing chaos as well...

Make her watch the Willy Wonka scene over and over -

%3D%3D

Get her interested in the outdoors. Gadgets, TV and devices have confused children's minds and filled their minds to have huge expectations and when things fall flat or they can't have them they can't cope and have melt downs and tantrums.

Children are crippled by lack of freedom today because of the way of the world and have disconnected.

^ have become disconnected.

She has a little brother who’s 9 months.

My eldest is 6 too, so dont know when it gets better, but honestly we just don't really do 'outings' as treats in term time. It ends up not being a treat for anyone. He's absolutely wrecked after a week at school so we tend to keep weekends very low key with lots of fresh air, and are quite relaxed on screen time (he gets very little in the week) so he can decompress.

Thankfully DH and I are happy to be around the house/garden (our garden is big which helps) the majority of the weekend so it works for us- I know other couples who have a much stronger drive to get out and about and would struggle.

Mine were never like this.
Too much sugar?
Knock off the sweets and breakfast cornflakes (any High sugar stuff) toast and butter instead
Crips instead of sugar snacks.
Seen a lot of this with kids.
Sunday morning tantrum straight after an ice cream mid morning- their little tummies can't handle it.

My six year old daughter says I am mean all the time. It is quite annoying!

I do also think kids this age have a high need for trying to get some kind of control. They are old enough to realise they aren't really in control of anything and the only tools they have are nagging and tantruming (because they have zero impulse control). Is there anything she can be in charge of? A particular job, or helping decide what to have for dinner or what family movie to watch?

If she has a new sibling as well that will be having an impact, is she getting any one-on-one time?

(I also think the advice just to leave the place and go home is fine if you're there with them on your own but it doesn't work if they have a well behaved sibling there as well, because why should their day be spoiled?)

Well I think you did the right thing in going home for sandwiches- its that sort of natural consequences that they need to learn. Next time I would remind her of this and explain that she needs to appreciate the treat.

My eldest was like this - drove me up the wall.

This, a million times over.

Strange question for you, but have you ever asked her what she would like as a treat? If it’s her and a 9mo old, then there are no other DCs’ with their own ideas to navigate. Is the bowling and pizza more what you and DH like and she’s just tagging along? The strops could be more about being promised “fun” and then not feeling it.

Downtime is your friend here.

I feel like I'm generally quite lucky with my very nearly 6 year old - but that said, I wouldn't take him bowling. I know without trying that he'd find it both too frustrating and boring. He might enjoy it a bit more if there was a friend his own age there, but otherwise I just don't think it's a great game for a 6 year old.

Mine does sometimes do the 'give two sweets, so they ask for three' thing. I try and say a lighthearted but firm no - 'nice try but it's two sweets or no sweet, three's not an option!'

Cut our the bowling, McDonald's etc.

Because let's face it, who actually wants to do those activities?

You, op. It's you who wants to do that, not your DD.

She clearly isn't benefitting from it, but you think that you need a 'treat'.

I have same suspicions, most 6yo girls when asked what would they like they usually say “pet/ride a pony” or “go swimming” or “go on the swings at the park” etc

This really does work. I’ve been doing it with my dd for a while. Generally take photos so she can look back at what’s on her list. Around her birthday she decides what she really does want.

I dunno tbh, my DC is about to turn 6 and loves Macdonald's and bowling! Bowling is a very rare treat though, only go a couple of times a year, so that helps as it's such a novelty. She is not a great eater but does eat a happy meal well and likes a McFlurry. Like OP's daughter she'd much rather go to Maccies than Pizza Hut sadly.

Although off topic but Ive really gone off Pizza Hut recently, feel its got ridiculously expensive and the quality and choice has dived. It was my absolute fave treat place as a child so feel really sad about it but it's gone crap now! We much prefer Pizza Express now and DC does too. Maybe try there OP

I feel like people are really hung up on the fact that we went bowling 😂yes, she wanted to go, it was her idea, yes we all love the park but it was raining and my DH had a day off so we thought we’d do something different for once. We don’t spend every weekend in an orgy of frantic expensive activities or force DD to tag along to stuff we want to do, we just happened to go bowling this weekend. We won’t do it again!

We don’t spend every weekend in an orgy of frantic expensive activities

^

Now then, op

😊😂

Keep calm and carry on, parenting is tough