Really hurt by best friend

[sweetpea2023]

Hi there,

I'm 36 years old, I have two beautiful daughters, DD1 is 8 years old, DD2 is 5 months old.

It's taken me a really long time to find happiness, I've had such a stressful time with relationships, but two years ago I finally found happiness when a friendship of 17 years developed into more - we're now engaged and we had DD2 5 months ago - I can honestly say I've never felt happier - my fiancé is so wonderful and I finally feel truly happy, for the first time ever 🥰

DD1's daddy very sadly died, and my fiancé is the best step-dad to her, he's amazing ❤️

The reason I'm writing this post is because my best friend of 20 years (male - 45 years old) has gone really strange with me since I had DD2 - he didn't come to see me when she was born, and when he did see me, his focus was telling me how he didn't agree with me getting engaged, which really shocked me 😥

Me & my best friend have been thru absolutely everything together, and whilst I know he thrives off drama, I never in a million years thought he'd turn on me - he now ignores my texts and he's told me he's 'keeping himself to himself' 😞

Also, just to add, the last time he came to my house when I was heavily pregnant, his car got stolen outside my house, he has a keyless car, and I know this really shook him up, as I live in a nice area and you'd never expect that to happen - I did everything I could to help by getting CCTV from my neighbours and help the the police etc... but since then, he won't come to my house anymore 😔

I just feel really hurt and I don't know what I've done to make him suddenly change, I'm loosing sleep over it as I just feel so confused, and at 3:30am this morning I woke up and cried as I just don't understand what's happened 😓

Also, just to add, 4 months ago I also had to end a friendship of 10 years with a close friend as she also turned on me... so I'm beginning to wonder if it's me, and it's really taking my confidence... why are my friends doing this 😣💔

Any advice would be really appreciated, as right now I'm at a total loss with why this is happening - I really love my best friend to bits, he's such a special person to me, but he's really hurting me 😞

In total honesty, to me this reads as if you struggle to happiness because you are looking for it in the wrong places. You’ve allowed these strange friends to reside in your life… probably
feeding off your past trauma. One who is ‘thrives off drama’ and another who ‘needs help’.
Now your life is on the up they are jealous or have no interest in your change of circumstances ie baby and not being single.

You have wonderful children and a fiancé. Focus
on what you have that’s great and leave these other people to it. They aren’t friends they are leeches. Once you shift your perspective, new people worth having will come into your life.

He has a problem with your fiancé. Was it from the start of you two being an item or when you got engaged or the baby arrived? He’s seen or felt or knows something that he didn’t like.

Also his car being stolen might somehow be connected? How was it stolen from your property? I’d not visit either if my car had been stolen and if I had suspicions about whom stole or had my car stolen.

was your best friend also friends with your fiancé before you got together? If you’ve been friends for that long I expect so, he might know things about him that you have no idea about.

And yes I’d be concerned if my best friend was being like that and properly start checking up on my fiancé tbh.

He likes you and is jealous.

He criticised you getting engaged because it took away hope for him to be with you.

The baby coming along was the final sign for him that he wouldn’t be able to be with you.

I’m 46 and have multiple best friends.

I had 3 best friends up until recently, when one passed away from cancer. She was my best friend from school.

I have another best friend who is my oldest friend and we’ve been friends since we were born because our parents were friends and our fathers worked together.

And my other best friend is a girl I befriended at work 15 years ago.

They are the girls I trust and respect and love like sisters. And therefore we refer to each other as best friends, because that’s exactly what we are.

Not sure why that’s such an alien concept to you.

@Freakinfraser yeah the fact that she is happy and people can be quite jealous and spiteful maybe?

Sounds to me like he’s enjoyed being the agony aunt figure in your life and being needed… he’s jealous of your new found happiness and the fact he’s not your go to man anymore!
Maybe it’s time to just move on… sadly our life’s change and some friends we thought we’d have forever simply ‘drop out’… I’ve lost a few friends over the years, especially after having DD..
You may never find out why BF has gone funny, but don’t let his tantrum ruin your happiness.

don’t think it’s relevant whether he’s gay or not, he obviously can’t bear being replaced by another bloke who is also a long standing friend and the baby is proof of it.

^^

Could your male friend be jealous by any chance? If you've been friends for so long & very close & now you've got this wonderful partner who you obviously love, is it he's annoyed he's not your male best friend any longer, his role has been replaced by your fiance? Could it be that you've maybe 'gushed' a bit too much about your new life & he's fed up of hearing it because he's no longer as involved in you life as he once was? What ever the issues don't worry about it, if he's that good a friend he'll get over whatever it is & you'll come back together as close as you were. If not then he's not that good a mate if he can't accept your new baby, partner & new life.

Could it be that these two 'friends' don't like the happy, fulfilled you? As hard as it may be, move on with your new life with your fiancé and children.

Sounds like he only likes you single....

Two friends at once does require you looking at yourself harder.

are you one of those outrageously self centred parents with this second kid? Still not yourself postpartum?

without the second friend id suspect dude friend is jealous. Could be of new man, could be of baby, could just be that you’ve changed and aren’t the same kind of fun.

going on a trip with a friend that is weird about money sounds like you walked into that one.

one time a friend of oh 15-18 years decided to be outrageously selfish on three separate occasions, within 4 months. It caused me to examine our friendship harder, realized she’s typically quite selfish, and I honestly just stopped bothering with her, I was done being used. We chat maybe twice a year now, but I consider her an old Acquaintance. A few of her other friends experienced similar things, and I watched the first few drop her, totally understanding their point - could not gently get it through to friend gently, and honestly I dismissed being more harsh because friend was smart enough to understand, and was sensitive enough being harsh would just be harsh. She just slowly makes new Acquaintances, then slowly loses them. It works for her. Maybe something similar happened. Maybe there’s a catalyzing event that caused these people to re-examine your relationships- be it baby or baby daddy or postpartum. And maybe it’s just over and you will meet new people in this new life phase.

but really only you know, and you probably know and are just in denial. Or maybe listen to your friends when they are telling you why!

NoThankyousimm, I could have written this post, friend got greedy and selfish and can I add argumentative. Friends have dropped off and she has to keep looking for new ones. She would not talk for months but the minute she felt she needed a holiday she would be in touch with the friend who had the house in Spain and invite herself along.
If she heard friends had booked a lunch with their partners she would invite herself along and insist she paid her own.
lots more examples.

Jealous