HELP - Baby will only settle in my arms

[Emerald4567]

Help, Day 5 of my baby boy being in this world and I am finding it very tough.

I can't put him down for more than 10 mins before he decides to cry, but yet when he is in my arms or my Husband's arms he will sleep for hours. This is particularly difficult at night as between having to feed every thirty minutes to an hour and him not settling into his crib as you can imagine there's very little sleep. I feel like I may have the baby blues as I'm extremely tearful and emotional.

Also does anyone know how frequently you should breast feed? My little one seems to want feeding all the time! I'm so exhausted.

Any advice from parents who have been through this before would be super helpful.

Thanks

When I spoke to my HV about cluster feeding she said she knew of babies who had fed from 7pm-7am! That’s definitely an extreme but puts your 3 hour stretch into perspective. I kept treats in my bedside drawer from those long nights, thankfully we never went 12 hours though!

Its exhausting but try and embrace it. When it's over it's over and you'll miss them only sleeping in your arms. (I have 8 month old that I still have to contact nap) Binge watch some box sets and just feed feed feed away.
Also baby blues is often too light a word for what it is. It's massive crash in emotions and your entire world is different all while you're physically in pain. Feel all the lows and feel the highs and get support from those you want it from. I say want it from because I found unsolicited help is far worse than none at all.

Also to add unless you are told to for health reasons and weight gain, don't use formula if you want to breastfeed. It will mess with your supply and end your breastfeeding far sooner than you would like.
That's just my two pence but of course do what you need to do x

So I had my low milk supply confirmed at the 10 day weigh in when she lost 8oz in weight - was born 5lbs 8oz so it was a substantial loss. I then started to express to try and increase my supply but I was on the pump for an hour and hardly produced any so we did a bit of both. I had our BF woman around but she was awful and really unsympathetic to me. I thinks she had a bit of a reputation for scaring mum’s into continuing to breast feed when then wanted to stop.

Then I couldn’t take it anymore. We also found she had reflux and cmp allergy once we started the bottle - reflux was immediately obvious when she took her bottle of breast milk and threw the whole lot back up. I did cry as it took me so long to get enough to feed her. She was on small feeds more often than bigger feeds. Then when we tried formula we realised she was allergic.

What did work was swaddling but advice on that seems to change. What also helped as a dummy as she only settle from sucking. My youngest was in scbu for a few days and they had her on bigger longer between feeds than my first but they have her a dummy - the scbu ones were almost impossible to buy once we got home but she wouldn’t take any others.

All normal as others have said. Day Five was my postnatal Armageddon and I cried all day, so that's normal too. My milk came in that night and I felt much better afterwards.

It’s really good to get out of the mindset that baby will only settle if held by you….they are adjusting to the world outside of us and theres lots of things you can do to get them used to sleeping in their cot,in the daytime if you have a travel cot or mat that you can take around the house with you from room to room then practise putting them down whilst you stay very close with a hand on their back . We also swaddled which helped but I don’t know what current practise is for this. It’s too exhausting for some mums to always have baby sleeping on them, you are getting loads of close contact through BF .

I don't think I did anything other than feed for a while! It's exhausting but it does pass.
I was separated from his dad by the time he was born, so we stayed with my mum. Of course, I didn't ask her to be up with him so I could sleep, but she did make sure I was fed and hydrated and I didnt have to do anything else on top of looking after my baby. I was so lucky!

I had a next2me type crib for him, mostly slept with a hand on his tummy which seemed to help, and I pulled him closeer and laid on my side to feed, so I wasn't picking him up and cradling again only to have to try and escape the snuggle again.

@Jadeleigh196 thank you I did contact them and I'm going to look at local support as I feel I need some hands on support.

@WoolyMammoth55 thank you! That is reassuring that mixed feeding worked for you. I feel a bit of a failure topping up with formula but honestly I'm so exhausted and convinced he is not getting enough milk from me. He is such a lazy feeder, falls asleep most of the time. I just worry that I'm messing up my chances to continue to breast feed because of the top ups so it's nice to know that's not always the case.

This is all perfectly normal! It’s a shock to the system, especially if it’s your first baby. You will adjust though and get into the swing of a new normal.
has your milk come in yet? It’s usually around this time that it happens so baby will be eagerly waiting and trying to stimulate your breasts to get the good stuff! I would potentially hold fire on the formula feeding top ups unless you have a weight gain issue.
what’s happened with your day 5 community midwife appointment?
I’ve just had my 3rd baby and this all sounds very normal, especially wondering whether or not you are producing enough milk. Your breasts work on supply and demand, the more baby is to the breast, the more milk you will produce.
Swaddling baby should help with solo sleeping, or one of the zip up sleeping bags where their arms are tucked in. All mine have contact napped and bed shared so it depends what works for you x

Hello! It’s all so early and so new. It’s maybe a shift in perspective- your job right now is still to literally grow a human and that is full on! We don’t really want baby to be completely settled on a bottle of formula this early on- they have teeny tummies that need regular filling, but these early weeks are all about getting the milk supply established. The constant feeding is all about stimulating your boobs to produce the correct amount of milk. It’s common to think you don’t have enough milk and to get into the top up trap- formula is more difficult to digest so sits in the tummy longer than breast milk which is quickly and easily digested. In the early weeks this can also mean much more frequent feeding until everything gets in synch. I’d say the first 6-8 weeks you have to ride it out and prep yourself with a sofa/ bed nest- get all your snacks, big bottle of water/ juice/ flask of tea, TV remote ready for some Netflix binge watching/ podcast on/ magazines at hand etc etc. your job is just to feed and snuggle and enjoy those cuddles.
a massive help to this can be a stretchy wrap- especially if your partner can wear the baby in the stretchy wrap after you’ve finished feeding, then you can rest after the long feeds, and he/ she has his arms free. You might have a sling library that can help but there are loads of you tube clips on how to put them on. It’s daunting at first but quickly becomes really easy and a total godsend for anything- especially eating your tea hands free 😆
you can pick up a stretchy wrap fairly cheap- much better in the early days for newborns.
also worth a google of the 4th trimester to help you understand why your baby doesn’t want put down, when all they’ve known is 9 months of closeness and your warmth and heartbeat. The kellymom website is also good for understanding normal breastfeeding- it’s just not covered in the antenatal classes in any kind of detail

Hi OP, I don’t want to alarm you but will just leave my experience here. My little one (now 15 months) cluster fed like a beast when he was a new born. I’d spend 6/7 hours with him on the boob. I talked to several midwives who all told me it was fine. He also had very severe reflux. In the end, we saw a paediatrician who diagnosed him with cow milk protein allergy (cmpa) and explained that because I drank cow milk, my baby was reacting to the milk, having terrible reflux and because of the pain caused by the reflux he wanted to be on the breast all the time because drinking soothes the pain. In all likelihood your baby is simply cluster feeding to increase your supply and things will settle really soon, I just wanted to leave my example in case it’s relevant. All the best to you and your little one.

Our first born liked to sleep on me. It takes a real nack to manauver them into a crib. Whats your sleeping situation? A next to me crib worked well as i was able to roll her into it and be present for her.

with regards to feeding ours always needed feeding as my wife was not producing much milk so baby was always hungry. Have you used breast pumps to express milk (see if you can borrow an electric one by speaking to your health visitors) else you might need formula (recommend prep machine) advantage of expressing or prep machine is both parents can do it and it isn’t relying on mum (but you need to express regularly at night still sadly)

wife has piped up saying completely feels for you. Our eldest is now a 3yr old giant so formula is fine, but speak to your midwife or health visitor to get the electric pump and see if they can help you in other ways.

our 2nd born had mixed feeds, as much milk as wifey could produce followed by formala. She is a 4month old giant.

best of luck and so on no matter what you do, just remember it gets easier, they arent as fragile as you think, and skipping a meal never killed anyone :)

Hey new mama! This resonates so well and is completely normal. Get all the help and support you can around you, it truly is a tough time. You do what you need to do, you're doing amazing. Love from a survivor of those stressful, fourth trimester days ❤️

You say you are worried he is not getting enough but is he having all the nappies he is supposed to? I was given a guide to this when mine was born as with breast fed babies it is the only indication they are getting enough.
If you want to breastfeed don’t give formula, it will stop him feeding enough to build your milk supply. If you want to switch to formula then you can do this gradually by giving formula top up. You need to go in to this with your eyes open though as mixed feeding has the disadvantages of both methods so is rarely sustainable.
As others have said, cluster feeding and only sleeping whilst held are completely normal for newborns. You can try popping him in a pram and taking him for a walk when you think he is ready for a nap which might help him start to sleep on his own. I was able to lift the buggy into the house and fall asleep nearby!

The thing with top up feeding with formula is that it's much easier for baby to get milk from the bottle, they have to work harder to breastfeed. So a hungry baby may end up preferring the bottle. If you keep breastfeeding, your supply will catch up so try not to top up if you can. It's still very early days and your milk supply hasn't established yet. Try and get some rest in between feeds and let your partner have the baby while you go to bed and try and catch a few hours sleep. You're still recovering from the birth and these early days are hard! Are there any relatives that can drop off a few meals for you and do a bit of laundry/cleaning for you? Or take baby for a nice long walk in the pram while you rest?

Both my babies were exactly as you have described OP. It’s normal (albeit a challenging time). Agree with PPs let him suck to up your milk supply

Very normal to feed frequently at this early stage as the stomach is so small, it will get better with longer gaps. Also very normal to like to me held, they have spent the last 9 months squashed inside us and now they have all this space round them it can feel daunting. Have you tried swaddling? This stage will also pass with time. You may have to do shifts with your husband in the mean time to get some sleep though.
You will be emotional due to hormones and sleep deprivation, hang on in there, but if you are really concerned, speak to your doctor.

Normal OP, enjoy it. You are his comfort. It's hard now but you'll miss it.

My daughter is 5 weeks old. I have convinced from day one, I still have my milk supply, she has a lot of formula still.

Mine sleeps better swaddled as she feels she’s being held, as soon as her arms come out the swaddle she’s awake, I can put them back in and she falls asleep without me getting out of bed. She’s in a next to me at night and a Moses basket in the day - though does contact nap (right now she’s on me!).

I had always planned to combined, and thank fuck I did because breast feeding is harder than I thought it would be. My nipples point down, I can’t cross body feed, my boobs are a JJ cup, honestly it’s hard. I don’t think I will ever be able to BF outside of the house in all honesty.

If you’re concerned about your supply, pump and that will help, feeding at night will help as it helps bring in the milk.

My little one will sometimes have a 5min feed at night and that sends her to sleep. Or she’ll feed for an hour and still need a 90ml bottle. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s bloody hard. The lack of sleep is bloody hard. I was also starting to think I had OND by the end of week 2, no, I was just exhausted and overwhelmed (and the day I really felt bad was actually the anniversary of my miscarriage so it made sense).

Just to say - I breastfed both of mine and this sounds exactly normal for the first few weeks. Feeding 24/7 while they built my supply and I wondered if I was producing too little!
I do think it becomes a bit of a vicious cycle if you then give formula because you think your supply is low and then they feed less so your supply drops as they’re not putting their milk order in, so you give formula etc - if you want to breastfeed I’d honestly recommend just sticking with it - providing his weight is as the midwives expect (most babies lose a little in the first week) and he has plenty of wet nappies, then he’s getting enough. It’s so tough (although IME it gets significantly easier week on week) and if it’s not for you then do what works for you! y
Enjoy the baby snugs! X

Milk comes out of a bottle teat very easily, even if he stops sucking it will still dribble into his mouth, which is why newborns will often 'drain' a bottle even after an evening of cluster feeding on the breast. This leaves your baby very full, so they then 'settle' which makes you doubt your milk supply. However, your baby isn't settled or content, but 'Christmas dinner full' and is zonked out whilst their belly deals with a huge bottle of difficult to digest formula. This can actually cause low supply, because the long gap as baby digests the formula means no breast stimulation of another feed, meaning your breasts 'think' you don't need much milk.

If you are absolutely sure there's no tongue tie and he's definitely latching well and actively feeding (look for the suck-suck-suck-swallow/pause) then just keep swapping sides and don't give anymore formula

All sounds very normal - I remember the night DS1 basically fed continuously for 6 hours! (He'd go to sleep briefly, long enough for me to think i could move, then if I got up he'd wake and want more). DS2 would only sleep on me or his dad. The solution for him in the end was a sheepskin my mum gave me, which made him feel warm and snuggled in the rib so he stopped waking up when ever we put him down. The other thing that helped was a sling - he slept in that with my husband after a decent feed while I slept, and then we swapped.

Sounds like you are doing really well even though it feels impossible at this stage :)

Look up the 4th trimester baby literally has no idea you are a seperate person and needs you for comfort in regards to breast feeding baby will feed seemingly constantly to bring in your milk then up supply , your supply won't be established until 6 ish weeks giving formula is the absolute worst thing you can do this will affect your supply and you will get stuck in the top up trap prolacrin levels are hughest between 12+4am so its really important to feed as thats baby putting their order in for the next days milk ,there's a great fbook group called breastfeeding yummy mummy's uk I advise you check it out for support and advice .
It's hard going but does get easier I can't reccomend the huckleberry app enough it helped me keep track of feeds and it felt he was feeding much more than he actually was

Tongue ties are frequently missed by midwives. Can you get him seen by a tongue tie practioner? It completely saved my breastfeeding journey.

I'd also really recommend the La Leche book Sweet Sleep. It totally saved my sanity with my velcro baby and helped me to figure out a way to sleep safely with my baby so we both got good sleep. I had an awful first few weeks, but after that it got sooo much better.