Big boobs breastfeeding nightmare

[Hungus93]

I'm a mum to a beautiful three and a half week old baby girl, and currently EBF her. We've had quite a rough ride with breastfeeding to begin with as she wouldn't latch, I tried to get some support from midwives in the hospital after giving birth but didn't, however something seems to have clicked and we're doing it. It still is a nightmare though. I have really big boobs (40H), which are nowhere near being perky and have massive nipples /aureola and just can't get her to latch properly, so our feeds take a bloody long time. She's gaining weight beautifully and produces plenty of wet/dirty nappies, so looks like my supply is good enough but I'm so so tired and frustrated! Feel like giving up. I even went to see a lactation consultant and she seems to have given me some tips but they don't always work. My little one doesn't seem to want to open her mouth wide enough. Any tips? How do I not give up!

Hi there I am a midwife with infant feeding experience. We used to snip every single tongue tie in sight. We now assess first and decide if it affects breastfeeding. It sounds like OP baby's tongue tie isn't the problem. (Snipping the tongue tie causes discomfort to the baby and there's potential for bleeding- it shouldn't be undertaken unless clear benefits are anticipated). Trying rugby hold and popping over to the local breastfeeding cafe are excellent ideas. There might be 2 reasons why OP baby isn't opening the mouth wide enough 1. OP doesn't wait long enough 2. Baby isn't really hungry but wants to feed to comfort. It's difficult to assess without seeing them both. OP, you have done a grand job so far. You are moving in a right direction. Good luck with your visit to the breastfeeding support group, I think you will find them useful

Thanks. I've seen research that suggests long term impacts of tongue tie. Sorry I can't find it now but it's referred to here:
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220322-how-dangerous-is-tongue-tie

I'm not saying its conclusive or the tongue tie needs snipping. However in this situation it sounds like the lactation consultant was quite dismissive of the impacts of the tongue tie or other issues. Has op seen a Midwife, tongue tie practitioner or doctor?

Yet from experience just anecdotal together with this evidence it suggests some people have a long term effect from it. The tongue tie practitioner pointed out it heals quicker for babies. I know someone who needed it doing later as a kid due to discomfort and it was more of an operation. Still it was fine so I take your point as well. Also it depends what you call fine and how you weigh up risks.

I'm hoping that if I see the NHS infant feeding support in the hospital, they will be able to assess whether the ties need doing or not, I'm really close to giving up but trying to stick in there until 6 weeks at least.

I would really push for a TT snip - clearly it is affecting your baby and their latch. I thought my baby was latching beautifully and had no pain but her TT was affecting milk transfer. You can get by for the first few weeks and maybe months due to hormones playing a larger role in regulating your supply, but after a while it becomes about effective milk removal and this is when weight gain can be impacted by ineffective transfer.

I'm not sure where you're based but if finances allow I'd be looking for a clinic that can assess and perform the snip, my LC told me time was of the essence at this stage.

It takes another 3 weeks to secure the prize and it's downhill from there. Hang in there!

I was the same and really struggled with my first. At first I had to express and use bottles, then nipple shields, then eventually managed to feed normally. What helped me was using a big cushion, comfy chair, finding exactly the right position etc. No chance of feeding out & about! Do whatever you need to feel comfortable and try not to feel pressured. My first was premature and I remember the midwives yelling at me that I HAD to figure it out! That really wasn't helpful, I did much better when I took the pressure off by bottle feeding and just kept trying the breastfeeding alongside.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Please go and see infant feeding support team as quickly as you can in the meantime - what is the main issue- endless feeds, night time feeds, pain in the nipple or combination of the above?

I would say a combination of things - the endless feedings, and the worry whether she's getting enough out of those, the lack of sleep and the fact I can't share the nights with my partner because I need to be the one feeding her, and then the anxiety of going anywhere because I never know when she's going to get up for a next feed, I don't feel comfortable doing it in public, and then if I do, I never know how long I'm going to be stuck there for! It's really starting to get to me, and I truly just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The lactation consultant checked in with me and she's now saying maybe I should go and see a cranial oestopath and see if they can help with the gape.

So I did take mine to an osteopath due to traumatic birth. It was helpful, even preventatively. The feeding in public is hard. I remember mine waking up screaming for food in the middle of aldi day 9 and I just had to feed him walking round. You can get a feeding cover with a rigid neckline if that makes you more comfortable, but in early days it can prove an extra obstacle to manouvere around while you're both learning.

I personally didn't mind public feeding, but even so I found going out alone with him for a couple of weeks really overwhelming until I settled into it. By about 10/12 weeks I was much more settled and more of the mind set that whatever happened, I could deal with it, same as I'd need to deal with it at home. I'd find a room/cafe whatever to feed/change. It would be ok.

I don't think I would mind doing it in public as much if it wasn't for the fact I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck under her for. And then that I need to carry a bloody breastfeeding pillow with me everywhere we go too. To give you an example, we initially got up after 7, I then fed her sometime before 10, we went out for a walk but she woke up around 11, and she's been feeding pretty much non stop since then. I had to have a 30 minute break as we had to go to see a GP (turns out she has an oral thrush as well 🫠) but that was accompanied by crying too. She sometimes spits the boob out, only to cry for it two minutes later.

I'm at my wits and tits end.

Anyway, I contacted an oestopath and waiting for an appointment, going to the NHS feeding appointment on Monday, and asked my GP if there's anywhere else they can refer me to.

Hi there, I will try to be as helpful as I can. Firstly, your experience is very much in the range of normal if my experience of breastfeeding the first one is any benchmark! (I am a midwife with 3 years of experience in breastfeeding support groups as well as having exclusively breastfed my own 2 children to the age of 13 months). I can tell you are right at the end of your tether. Please hang on for a bit longer, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel you are currently in. If there is not nipple pain during the feed then tongue-tie is unlikely to be the issue. You don't need to worry about the weight gain unless your health visitor tells you there is a need to worry. Try imagining life without mobile phones - how did the human race survive? We are now so obsessed with counting every min and every ml we forget babies are very simple creatures - they want to feel secure and to be fed, probably in that order. I suspect the reason your baby is constantly on your breast is because she is feeding for comfort. If your baby was born by instrumental delivery or at the end of a long loabour - they are sometimes more unsettled, in my experience of working on the postnatal ward. For how long this unsettleness goes on or whether an osteopath might help - I cannot tell. Practical things you could do right now: you can introduce a dummy and one bottle of expressed breastmilk a day. I do appreciate it goes against advice of waiting unitl 6-8 weeks. However, if you are at a breaking point now, there is nothing to lose, in my opinion. I really do think your baby is feeding for comfort a lot of the time-they don't need 3 hours to take the milk they require. I would also ask an experienced health visitor to show a settling-to-sleep technique- anyone can get better at this with a bit of practice. Babies cry because they are hungry. They also cry because they are tired. If you baby has been on the breast for 1 hour- I would try to send them off to sleep rather than continue feeding. Chances are she is tired but doesn't know how to swithc off. Also, introducing one bottle of expressed breastmilk a day will give you freedom to venture out. Breastmilk can be kept at room temperature for 6 hours (unlike formula, it has antimicrobial properties). Plenty of time to explore the neighbourhood. And perhaps your partner can give you an occasional break at night. Please do bear in mind night feeds are very important for your milk production, I would avoid delegating more than one a night to your partner. Finally, when we have our first child we want to do everything right. Then life gets in the way. Your don't need to be a purist. Tweaking your breastfeeding a little bit along the lines I suggested is unlikely to have a massive effect on the nipple confusion many women are so worried about. If anything, it might help you breastfeed for longer. Things generally get a lot easier around 2-3 months mark. Please do go and see the NHS breastfeeding support group next week, they are usually very good. I would wait until you see them before spending money on the ostheopath. I hope it helps.

My large breasts H/I cup are the reason I didn't breastfeed and gave up at the first hurdle with my second, so well done you for your perseverance.

Your baby is learning too. It's a two way process until you both feel completely comfortable with it. And as others have said, she might just enjoy a comfort suck.
Try feeding laying on your side and baby laying next to you, stomach to stomach. Then the weight of the boob is supported by the bed and not your baby's head! It might work, it might not. I spent a lot of time like that in the early days, one hot summer, both of us nearly naked apart from pants / nappy.
Breastfeeding IS all-consuming to begin with - that's why so many new mums give up. If DD is gaining weight and doing a good number of wees and poos, just trust the process: you're doing grand 👍

Thank you for this - you may be right with the comfort eating, right after I typed my last post, my partner took over the little one and put her down for a nap, and I had an hour's nap as well and I feel a bit better. I'm really hoping I can preserve for a bit longer and then all people who said it was going to get easier are going to be right...

I’m not even that big boobed (36D pre babies) but they’re big enough I feel like I’m suffocating my 3.5wo DS. I hold him behind his neck and prop him on a feeding cushion and then hold my boob in my hand to get the shape right for him. I then have to hold my boob for the whole feed or he slips off and the latch goes. I can use my other hand for other things though if he’s propped with my cushions. We seem to have really turned a corner in the last couple of days after a major wobble on Sunday when I nearly gave up.

DS is my third baby and I didn’t manage to BF my DDs for more than a week or so. I’m putting it down to having support this time as I go to a Breastmates group weekly.

I also would say - I had to hold my boob up with one hand and rest the baby on a feeding cushion and hold him with the other....until he was bigger!

Update - I think I'm growing to a decision to give up unfortunately. This morning she was on the boob from 7 until 10:20am, she would not settle, kept being upset and latching/unlatching, screaming etc, so I gave in and gave her a bottle of formula. She's now peacefully asleep. Something makes me think that my boobs are just not made for breastfeeding and she's simply not getting enough quick enough. I feel like the worst mum ever as I know my breastmilk is the best thing I can give her but at the same time I don't know how much longer I can take the toll it's taking on me.

You are not the worst mum ever and shouldn’t feel any guilt for giving a bottle. I did the same with my first two and they are both happy and healthy.

Looking after yourself is a vital part of looking after your baby.

Hi sweetheart, if its not working for you stop. Honestly, your baby is better for having a happier mum!

But, the behaviour you're describing is 1000000% normal. Your boobs are likely fine for breastfeeding. Mine was the same, in fact one day I recorded 22 seperate feeds in 24 hours. And I successfully exclusively breastfed my 91st centile baby from birth. This is the behaviour breastfed babies exhibit to establish and increase your supply. The cluster feed, you have 'witching hours'. You basically need to sit and feed, and that be all you do, your only job, while you're looked after. Formula fed babies don't need to do this, so they don't. It gets better between 6 and 12 weeks.

Breastfeeding is really really really hard. There is not adequate warning when they encourage breastfeeding how hard it will be. So so many women feel like normal behaviour is their failure. You're expected to be up and ready and having visitors holding baby when thats not how you establish breastfeeding. There isn't adequate support to get women through these hard early days.

If it's not for you please don't feel guilty about it. It's one of the hardest parts of early postpartum life, especially when this all happens when your hormones are at their worst.

Don't feel bad. No one can tell a breastfed baby vs a formula fed baby at pre school.

I did wrote a lengthy post above as I was in the same boat with big boobs, never ending visitors, a baby that did not leave the boob for sometimes 7 hours, the cluster feeding and then witching hours (which made me think he was hungry).

I also gave up! I was happier for it. I had a great supply so pumped and fed through a bottle, which meant I could sleep through the night as husband could take feeds, it meant I could pump for 30 min and have enough feeds for half a day. Then when it all became too much I just stopped that too.

You can formula feed, nurse, pump - so many options! If your supply dries up like mine started to then so be it. Everyone was happier when I stopped fighting it.

You could even throw in the towel and just formula feed from here and keep some breast milk in the freezer for future times of illness.

I agree. I had a lot of input into this issue when I was breastfeeding (NHS and private lactation specialists) and grabbing your boob and shaping it into a sort of rectangle so it is a more manageable shape for the baby to get their mouth around makes all the difference. I'm sure this is the same point the earlier poster is making about hamburgers!

I suggest you still go to the NHS breastfeeding support group next Monday as you initially planned. They are committed to supporting all breastfeeding mums - even if mum is mix feeding. They might give you all sorts of tips to maximise your milk supply even if you chose to top up. Every drop of breast milk is precious. Well done for persevering so far😊

Thank you again Everyone, after having a bit of a meltdown I came up with yet another plan for now - I will continue with breastfeeding for now but will set myself a time limit for an hour for day time feeds and then top up with formula of needed. Then I will also have my partner take the baby over from 8pm until midnight so I can get a few solid hours of uninterrupted sleep, even if this means he needs to give her a bottle of formula, and then will do the night feeds. I will go to the oestopath on Friday and then to the NHS thingy on Monday and we'll take it from there. I know they don't recommend mix feeding until Baby is at least 6 weeks but I feel like I'm at my wits and tits end, and if it is to help me stick with breastfeeding then hopefully it will be OK. I will try to squeeze in a pumping sesh sometime to keep my supply.

Can I make a couple of suggestions? Try giving your baby a dummy instead of a formula top up after 1 hour of feeding. Express your milk in the morning (when your breasts are fuller) and let your partner give her expressed breast milk while you are having a well deserved break. This way you will be preserving your milk supply until things will eventually start getting easier around 2-3 months mark. Take one day at a time. Definitely go to the NHS group on Monday, they are usually very good. I hope it helps

Further to an earlier message... one top up once in a blue is unlikely to diminish your milk supply. Regular top ups will definitely have an effect. Your are halfway through the toughest part of babyhood