Feel terrible about forcing my 5 year old to have a bath

[Turtleyturtles]

I handled/carried my 5 year old upstairs and feel terrible about it. Then at the top of the stairs I lifted him up under his arms and plonked him into the bath, washed him quickly, lifted him out and carried him to his room. He was screaming and crying. He was refusing to go in the bath because I said he couldn't watch his tablet while in the bath. His dad has been letting him. I hate myself for forcing him, I normally dig deep and find other tactics. I tried tonight but nothing was working and it's school tomorrow and he did smell. I feel like I crossed a line and worry our relationship is damaged. I wish I'd just left him downstairs and had a bath myself. He probably would have got bored and come to join me. Not sure why I am posting really, I just feel terrible, don't have anyone to talk to right now, and wanted to get it out.

He won’t be traumatised by this one incident - don’t be too hard on yourself. The only thing I’d say is that try and avoid physically doing anything - this only works when they’re little and then they get bigger and it suddenly doesn’t work. Maybe try okay I’m going to go up to the bath and we can do x y z or im going to go up race you to the bath? Or try and make it fun. It’s hard at times I know x

He’ll be fine.
He’ll learn that shrieking for his tablet in the bath doesn’t get him anywhere.
He’s nice and clean and cuddled up in his pyjamas.
Give yourself a break, he’ll be fine.

I have a 4.5 year old as well and I get it. Some things - like baths and teeth brushing and washing hands after going to the toilet - are non-negotiable. You plonked him in the bath, that's all. It will be fine.

Your relationship is NOT damaged. He had to take a bath and you made him. You didn't hit him. You are a good mum.

Please know your relationship is not damaged.
What you did is parenting, not easy fun parenting. But important none the less.
He needed a bath, you gave him one, quickly and efficiently.
Stick to your guns. No tablet in the bath. It’s dangerous - even if it is in a waterproof cover that could fail and he could get electrocuted.

Kids have to bath, brush teeth, get dressed- sometimes there’s resistance but that’s life. You did the right thing.

Ah op, I think realistically everyone has those moments where its a battle of wills and you need to decide what's OK to let go and what isn't. If he smelt then I'd say he needed the bath and while in an ideal world we would all convince our children into everything with the joyous air of miss Rachel, but realistically sometimes we're tired, drained and just trying to survive. If you generally have a good relationship then I don't think you've damaged it irreparably. I think you and dh need to agree strategies do you're doing the same thing and one person isn't unwittingly undermining the other. I also think there is a difference in doing something in lost temper, than calmly 'helping' your child to do something because they've refused. One is scary for the child and the other is frustrating so if you've been calm then I think it's OK. If you've lost your temper then I'd apologise but tell ds that he needs to take a bath every x many days and tablets can't go in the bath because they could break with the water. Your dh needs to back you up on this.

I think you did the right thing. Let’s turn it on its head.
He didn’t have a bath tonight because you didn’t make him. He smelled. He went to school smelly and other children teased him. For me that’s far more traumatic and long lasting than being plonked in a bath.
Some parts of parenting are non negotiable and bathing is one of them.

Be kind to yourself. He will be absolutely fine.

Sorry but you’re being ridiculous. Kids need washing. And I’d seriously consider how addicted your 5 YO is to a tablet, sounds very unhealthy

YANBU.

You did the right thing.

We had all the fights like these with DS. Carried him down the road in pants because he wouldn't get dressed for nursery, not once but twice. He's 15 now and honestly, other parents are jealous, not just that he's well behaved and polite, but, maybe better, he's still happy to give me a hug and say "love you" regularly. They need to know the boundaries, it's fine.

I used to have to pin my toddler down with my legs whilst she screamed quite regularly so I could brush her teeth. It was horrific but it’s non negotiable. She now opens wide happily stood in front of the mirror and it’s all a distant memory. It won’t have traumatised him, even though we all know we should try other tactics sometimes it’s needs must.

Yeah, I do think the tablet issue needs a bit of work.

Well being clean is non negotiable in my book. I do stuff like this all the time and would have done the same.

My son got bored of baths around the same age, he started having showers instead and loved it! I’d chat to him and clean the bathroom while he was in there. Maybe try that.

For goodness sake , it's a bath , you haven't abused him , no need to be so dramatic ,

it's school tomorrow and he did smell

He needed the bath - and it was your job as a parent to make sure that he had it. You did what you had to do. Don’t worry about it. And @Jojobees is right - far worse to
let him smell and get mercilessly teased at school.

This really isn’t the end of the world. At 5 they can understand the consequences of not doing things and I’m guessing you asked nicely, probably a few times and this was a last resort, sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done.

He is 5. You really should watch this, or at least part of it.

Haha! I loved this and you're quite right. I'm getting a grip.

Thank you, I agree about the tablet, it's ridiculous and dangerous.

You did the right thing, your child smelled and you cleaned him. That is your responsibility as a parent - even if it doesn’t feel like a happy time. I applaud you for committing to it, even though it was difficult 👏

You did the right thing, perhaps the way you did it was not ideal but he'll soon get over it.

I'm more concerned that your DH is allowing tablet watching in the bath.

The joyous air of Miss Rachel!

I felt angry and probably had a very cross face so I did apologise. Usually I'm good at planning head and pre-empting stuff but not tonight. I try all the time to talk to my ex about strategies but he doesn't have the resources or capacity really to follow things through. He gives in for an easy life, or to placate the kids. Very frustrating. We have very different values and ideas about parenting.

Can you ditch the tablet while he is with you?