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Original poster

Is it wrong for ds to be in nursery if I have day off?

57 replies

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 10:10

Hi Everyone, hope you are all ok.
Hvae just come off phone after long conversation with my Mum. She said that she can't get her head around the fact that I put ds in nursery when I have a day off work.
These occassions are usually when I have been on a 2 day course for work that have meant I have put ds in nursery for 4 days that week instead of 3 (Course have been on a non working day and nursery will not swap- have to pay for extra day).
She said that it is no wonder he is so tired and grumpy and that 0 to 5 is an age to be cherished and I will regret it when he is older etc etc.
She lives 3 hours away and no other family around us, dh is in navy so non negotiable usually for time off so nursery is only option. Is it so unreasonable? Should I keep ds at home with me if I am perfectly well and able to look after him??
My mum questions why I need such a break from him, especially when god forbid I am resting rather than cleaning house etc.
Any thoughts would be really welcome....

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moreJellothanJlo · 29/03/2008 10:13

he probably enjoys th company and you desreve the break so please don't feel bad!

Othersideofthechannel · 29/03/2008 10:13

If it works for you, it isn't wrong. I am sure if you feel you need the break, then you are a far better parent for getting a break. It sounds like you are quite isolated. Perhaps things were different for your mum when she was a parent to young children.

DoodleToYou · 29/03/2008 10:14

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Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 10:14

Forgot to say that because I have worked an extra day I get another day off in lieu of .Thanks morejellothanjlo!

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 29/03/2008 10:17

You want a day off you have a day off, that means someone else is being paid to look after your dc - they arn't having a day off whilst looking after your child are they?

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 10:18

Yes I do feel isolated, othersideofthechannel so can be sensitive to her criticism!
My dad was away alot doodletoyoubut my Mum was pleased that he was bringing the money in sotospeak. She liked her independence and so questions my need for time out.

OP posts:

moreJellothanJlo · 29/03/2008 10:21

cheekymonk

we are quite isolated too family wise and I wish now I'd put my kids into nursery to get a bit of a rest, it would have done us all the power of good

I've also got a mum who says things like that, but she's in her eighties now so its probably a generation thing. I've never had a night away from the kids (oldest is 10) and recently I talked of going with her to stay with a relative(more to help her travel than anything tho the break would have been wonderful!) for 2 nights. Mum was shocked and said "would you really leave the kids for that long?".......................

so have more backbone than me, enjoy your day of peace and (try!) don't look back!!

improvingslowly · 29/03/2008 10:23

absolutely fine to have child in nursery and be at home. next time do not tell your mother and enjoy the day!!!

Sidge · 29/03/2008 10:23

I don't see why it's any of her business

Like you I am a Navy wife, work and look after my children with no family support. I have the second week of the Easter holidays off (normally work 3 half days a week) and plan to send DDs 2 and 3 to nursery on those half days that I would normally be at work so I can 1, have some time alone with eldest DD1, and 2, catch up with some jobs, and 3, drink a hot cup of tea and read my book for an hour!!

I pay whether they are there or not and they have a whale of a time at nursery, so I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

glucose · 29/03/2008 10:25

Tell her to come and visit and look after him herself. DH and myself both work f/t dd goes to f/t nursery. If we have time off and she goes nursery, this is normally because it is less stressfull to get somethings done without her. Othertimes we may chose to do something together, we think it is important to have sometime as a couple. We have no one else to do any childcare for us, and we have pay the nursery fees even if she is not there. We have no other children, and I hated mums and tots groups, so nursery opened up dds world to experience other children and other adults. So as you have gathered I am very sympathetic! Other mn are going start on the 'why do people like this have children' line. Don't let them make you feel bad either

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 10:34

Thanks everyone for your comments so far. Really helpful and good to hear. Yes I have come to the conclusion I tell my Mum too much.
Yes I pay whether ds is there or not too. DS does really enjoy nursery and I feel he has developed so much because of being there.
I just find the harsh judgement from mum so damning and unsupportive the whole "I loved every minute" of being a parent thing. I am very honest and say I love some aspects but find it hard because I try so hard and want to be supermum!

OP posts:

moondog · 29/03/2008 10:35

Nothing wrong with it at all.
I did/do it regularly.
Frankly it ha nothing to do with your mother whatsoeve.

fireflytoo · 29/03/2008 10:38

The question is whether he likes being at the nursery. My dd would much rather have gone to her playgroup than stay at home with me if she had the choice. And when you feel happy and fulfilled after some time doing something by and for yourself, your ds would get the benefit too.

Also tell her, you are not her, she should stop trying to compare you. She would have had different cicumstances. And we always see the past through rose tinted glasses. Of course she would remember it positively, she does not have to do it anymore!!

madamez · 29/03/2008 10:40

It seems to be better for DC to have a weekly routine as well as a daily one, so if you take your DS out of nursery as you have an odd day off, it could be upsetting for him. If you can/t tell your mother to mind her own fecking business or want to be diplomatic, tell her that

moreJellothanJlo · 29/03/2008 10:42

cheekymonk, none of us are supermum, your mum included!

needtoasksomething · 29/03/2008 10:42

Its nothing to do with you Mum.

I am on maternity leave and still send DS to nursery 1 day a week even though I'm not working! Does us both the world of good!

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 11:17

Thnaks again everyone. Am off to the seafront now (live in portsmouth) so ds can ride his bike! He is 3 and has just mastered pedalling!

OP posts:

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 19:36

bump

OP posts:

Miggsie · 29/03/2008 19:40

Not at all, I do the same thing.
DD gets 3-5 people all through the day tirelessly dedicated to her entertainment and well being and not a bad tempered shouting mum desperately tryng to do the ironing/washing/hoovering etc.
She is then picked up by a calm mum who has had an afternoon nap and feels great.

Othersideofthechannel · 29/03/2008 19:48

I expect your mum is looking back at the past with rose-tinted specs on. I think alot of parents forget the detail of the early years of bringing up their children. DCs are only 5 and 3 but sometimes when I see threads about younger children I recall the way I felt a couple of years ago and I can hardly believe I went through those emotions but I know deep down inside I did.

Even if your Dad wasn't present, your mum may have been supported in other ways. My mum was a couple of hours from her parents and my Dad worked really long hours and was only ever around on Sundays so she was all on her own with 3 children, except that we lived on a new estate and all the neighbours had similar aged children so everyone helped everyone out.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 19:48

Nicely put, Miggsie.

OP posts:

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 19:51

Thats true, othersideofthechannel, my Nan did help my mum out when needed. I cherished that time with Nan and think it is important for children to get other perspectives too.

OP posts:

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 19:52

I expected someone to have a go actually but have been pleasantly surprised! Thanks all for your support.

OP posts:

K999 · 29/03/2008 19:53

If it is what you want to do then its nobody else's business! However, if I have a day off I keep dd2 at home.....but thats my choice.

Monkeybird · 29/03/2008 19:54

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

IT IS NOT WRONG.

It is right.

Tell your mum how much calmer and relaxed you are to have some time to yourself and what a good parent you are as a consequence.

Or just tell her to butt out

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