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Original poster

Is it wrong for ds to be in nursery if I have day off?

57 replies

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 10:10

Hi Everyone, hope you are all ok.
Hvae just come off phone after long conversation with my Mum. She said that she can't get her head around the fact that I put ds in nursery when I have a day off work.
These occassions are usually when I have been on a 2 day course for work that have meant I have put ds in nursery for 4 days that week instead of 3 (Course have been on a non working day and nursery will not swap- have to pay for extra day).
She said that it is no wonder he is so tired and grumpy and that 0 to 5 is an age to be cherished and I will regret it when he is older etc etc.
She lives 3 hours away and no other family around us, dh is in navy so non negotiable usually for time off so nursery is only option. Is it so unreasonable? Should I keep ds at home with me if I am perfectly well and able to look after him??
My mum questions why I need such a break from him, especially when god forbid I am resting rather than cleaning house etc.
Any thoughts would be really welcome....

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maisemor · 29/03/2008 19:56

NO. Enjoy some quiet time.

theangelshavethephonebox · 29/03/2008 20:02

I was just thinking about posting the very same question! On the odd occasion I have a day off I tend to fill it with things like dentist's appointments, cleaning the house etc and think it's just easier to get on and do it without ds there. I do have a sneaking feeling of guilt about it though.

windygalestoday · 29/03/2008 20:07

i think its reasonble to take dc to nursery when youve paid for his place - its only occsionally he does an extra dy if you believed it to be detrimental to him you wouldnt do it......having said that as a nursery nurse i worked in a day nursery and many of the mums had their bbies in full time even though they werent working,many of the mum who didnt work were first to drop bbies off and last to collect.

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K999 · 29/03/2008 20:09

Windygalestoday....my mum used to work in a nursery and she said the same thing! She also said that some parents used to ask if they were open on Christmas day!!!!!!

windygalestoday · 29/03/2008 20:13

k999 this is no exageration.....when i worked at the nursery i was newly married and one of the parents asked me if i would take his dc home with me 5 nights a week and hed collect him from my home on saturday and return him on sunday for that they would pay me double my nursery wage!! he then suggested i quit my job and become full time live in nanny 5 days week with said child still going to nursery.

Waswondering · 29/03/2008 20:14

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sleepycat · 29/03/2008 20:16

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K999 · 29/03/2008 20:17

OMG Windy....!! that is terrible! My mum used to get upset when kids were dropped off still in their pyammies and had not had their nappy changed...she said that some toddlers would walk in and their nappy was so heavy that it was hanging off them!

windygalestoday · 29/03/2008 20:21

we had one supa glam mum who would appear dolled up to the nines at 7am and she would leave her dc with his dirty nappy on and pjs one day colleague initialled the inside of his pampers(in those days pampers were plasticy rather than cottony)at just before 6.30pm the dc ws wearing that nappy next morning!!!! yet he had ll new designer clothes the clothes she used to pack for him very often were still tagged!!!

another mum paid me to take the afternoon off work so i could take her dc to school for his very first afternoon!!!i even dressed him and took a pic so she could see

oregonianabroad · 29/03/2008 20:23

If you need the time to yourself, as I often do, don't feel guilty about it.

As a compromise, can you put him in half a day, to give yourself some rest time and then coleect him later for an afternoon together?

But regardless, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to do this.

I know how hard parenting can be when there is no one close by that can come and take the dcs off your hands for an hour or 2, so i feel it is well within my rights to 'store' that time up and use the nursery sometimes.

K999 · 29/03/2008 20:23

That is soooo bad!

Original poster

cheekymonk · 29/03/2008 20:39

Blimey windygalestoday some of those anecdotes are truly awful! My God!
I feel guilty when ds is not immaculate for nursery but it is such a rush! Can't imagine sending him in in his pjs with last night's nappy on! That is neglect!
Also can't imagine someone else taking ds to his first day at school or wanting to put him in nursery on xmas day!
Wow, I am not so bad after all!

OP posts:

snowleopard · 29/03/2008 20:48

I work 3 days a week and DS goes to nursery - and occasionally, a few times a year, I have a day off instead of working, to myself, and go for a haircut and a facial and shopping and sit in a cafe by myself and have lunch. I love being with DS and am happy to spend my four days off a week with him - but once in a while I think a proper day off is really, really good for you.

windygalestoday · 29/03/2008 21:13

cheeky monk and im not the only nursery nurse with such tales .....just goes to show youre never as bad as you think lol- im not denying any of these children were loved indeed they were dearly loved at nursery and probably at home too and the parents were vv generous and virtually kitted out ds1, in fact to this day ds3 gets clothes passed on occasionally from said parents ....

accessorizequeen · 29/03/2008 21:24

I used to feel much more guilty about this, but no longer do as it makes me a happier and thus better mum. My mum was actually the one to encourage me, she wishes she'd used childcare more when I and my siblings were younger so she could have had a break.
Your mum may not understand in the end, but pls don't feel guilty about having what is a very small amount of time to yourself now and again or every week if needed! You deserve it

southeastastra · 29/03/2008 21:26

i tend to agree with your mum

expatinscotland · 29/03/2008 21:28

hell no!

i don't agree with your mum at all.

you have no other help around and a husband who's away a lot.

quit beating yourself up.

Botbot · 29/03/2008 21:30

I'm having a horribly frantic time at work at the moment - deadline after deadline. It's always like this at this time of the year. Weekends are just as hectic, spent looking after DD and trying to get some housework done. DD isn't sleeping well at the moment so I'm not getting my full quota of sleep either. When work gets less busy I'm going to take a day off and spend it in bed. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

callmeovercautious · 29/03/2008 21:41

I do it. If there is a Bank Holiday I swap the Monday for another day in the week. I pay for it anyway. I then have a liesurely breakfast with DD, we have fun and get dressed, she goes to Nursery about 10am. I come home and blitz bit of the house or get a haircut, or catch up on a bit of work (and MN )

Then I pick her up early and we go for a quick walk to the swings. SHe loves the routine of Nursery but also the suprise of an early finish. It keeps me sane at the same time.

Go for it, I would not do it full time but every now and then is more then reasonable.

rookiemater · 29/03/2008 22:19

I have done it when I had a/l left that I had to take before the end of the year.

I had bought extra holidays for contingency if DS or Child Minder were sick, luckily neither of them were. I enjoyed my couple of days, on one of them I hired one of those super vacuums to shampoo the carpet, can't imagine that would have been much fun with an 18mth around.

I wouldn't be keen on holiday to leave DS with strangers in a holiday creche, but he loves going to his CM and dammit I deserve a couple of hours a year to myself.

snotbuster · 29/03/2008 22:45

I do it quite often. I'm a student so have lengthy holidays but have to pay for DS's part-time nursery place all year round. I'm a lone parent so feel it's good for DS to have company/stimulation there while I catch up on mundane things. XP has recently started to have DS regularly but for a long time nursery was the only break I got and I don't know what I would have done without it.

FasterPussyCatGrrrl · 30/03/2008 06:52

i'm guessing your mother had family round to help her when you were small.

i'm on maternity leave and DS1 still goes to CM one day a week.(i don't have family near either) Whenever anyone sees me out and about with just 5mth old DS2 i feel the need to explain that it means i can (usually) get some housework done or go into town more easily.

You're entitled to time to yourself, your child is entitled to a routine, and if he/she is happy and safe, that's your business. you sound like you're working hard

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2008 09:39

Your mother is wrong imo.

stepfordwife · 30/03/2008 09:48

not at all cheekymonk.
you sound like a fab mum because you obviously care so much.
it's all too easy for mums to fall into 'martyr mode" when "you" time is seen as a luxury - actually it's a necessity or we'd all go bonkers

and agree your mum's got rose-coloured glasses on - thay just forget! and no-one loves everything about being a mum every minute of the day.

so enjoy any time you can get to yourself and, yes, maybe it's a good idea just not to tell your ma. funny how we still seek parental approval even when we're mothers ourselves, isn't it?

Anna8888 · 30/03/2008 09:53

You didn't say in your original OP how old your DS was, but I read in a later post that he is 3.

Many 3 year olds adore nursery/pre-school and love seeing their friends. If this is the case ie both of you are happy, this is no-one's business but yours.

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