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Original poster

Feel like social services are ruining my life

88 replies

Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:32

My OH, sufferes with MH and is an alcoholic. He has been waiting along time for help with MH, back in dec he attempted to commit suicide. Our children were NOT in the house when it happened.

SS have stated that when my OH is released from hospital he is not allowed home to the family home as they deem him a “fire risk” he is now scared of petrol/fire so he is not a risk anymore.

Got a child protection case conference coming up, and I’m scared. Scared they going to split my family up. SW has been 0 support during this. I have asked for a new one repeatedly as I don’t trust him to have my children’s best interest at heart.

He did a section 47 on my children, he not even explained what a 47 is or how it applies to my children as my children are not at risk from abuse/neglect/emotional or physical abuse

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 30/03/2024 13:36

Why is your DH now scared of fire and petrol? Did he attempt to burn down the house?

Comedycook · 30/03/2024 13:36

he is not allowed home to the family home as they deem him a “fire risk” he is now scared of petrol/fire so he is not a risk anymore

Anymore ...so what happened previously?

MrsPerfect12 · 30/03/2024 13:37

Surely if he isn't coming home you have no risk?
Once they see you OH is getting the help he needs they'll lift the order. Meant kindly - You might not think he is a risk but experience tells SS that he is. You have to comply.

siameselife · 30/03/2024 13:37

OP take a step back.
Living with an alcoholic who tries to take their own life is going to be very emotionally damaging to children.
There is no way for that not to impact the whole family including children.
It isn't clear what makes him a fire risk.

Let your DP work on getting well by himself and get support for yourself to care for your dc. This is much safer for your dc.

NuffSaidSam · 30/03/2024 13:38

A suicidal, alcoholic with severe mental health problems is a risk to children. He should live separately while he waits for the help he needs. Could he live with his parents or a sibling short-term?

Theunamedcat · 30/03/2024 13:39

They absolutely arevay risk of emotional harm you need to protect the children by distancing yourself

Anewuser · 30/03/2024 13:40

Your best bet to keep your children with you, is to work with social services.

I know how difficult and invasive it feels but it is in your children’s best interest.

TitusMoan · 30/03/2024 13:40

my children are not at risk from abuse/neglect/emotional or physical abuse

They most certainly are if they are being exposed to active alcoholism, or have been in the past.

I’ve had SS involvement in the past with my DH and my kids, sadly I know what I’m talking about.

thekidsadabhand · 30/03/2024 13:41

This must be really tough. Is your plan for you oh to return to live with you following discharge from hospital? Is oh likely to engage with supports offered to him for alcohol use and mh? Have ss informed you how long your oh won't be allowed in the home? How old are your dc?

Are you engaging positively with ss? I know this can be really tricky, as there is a mistrust of ss at an almost societal level.

Generally the more you engage the more they get to know you and your family and are able to take a more holistic assessment of the situation. If they are hearing things from you about how your dc will be safeguarded then they have more to work with and can hopefully offer the support you need.

I hope you're ok op

LividAA · 30/03/2024 13:44

I divorced an alcoholic who later died so I know what I’m talking about when I say this man can be nowhere near your children.

You need to go to Al Anon and have some intensive therapy yourself as it seems you’re so mired in his addiction that you can’t see this clearly.

From the scant info provided SS are totally in the right.

TheShellBeach · 30/03/2024 13:44

I'm sorry you're in this situation, @Mor08102002 It sounds very difficult and emotionally traumatic for you all.

Can you explain what you mean when you say that your partner is "no longer a fire risk"? How was he a fire risk in the past?

Regardless, you do need to cooperate with SS, to show that you can keep your children safe and free from harm.

Original poster
Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:45

No he didn’t attempt to burn the house down. He poured petrol over himself and set himself on fire in the back garden.

OP posts:
siameselife · 30/03/2024 13:47

OP seriously, can you see no risks in having him back in your house?

CadyEastman · 30/03/2024 13:47

Were you home @Mor08102002 and have you had therapy? I can imagine that was very traumatic for all of you.

Comedycook · 30/03/2024 13:48

Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:45

No he didn’t attempt to burn the house down. He poured petrol over himself and set himself on fire in the back garden.

Oh my gosh...

I'm very pleased social services are involved op. Did you honestly think they wouldn't be?

I suggest strongly that you prioritise your children

Original poster
Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:50

I don’t trust the SW as he has never been truthful with me. Said that they work with families to keep them together. Then at last minute they pulled the “rug” from
under us and said he not allowed home.

how can I work with someone I don’t trust. I have asked for a new SW and so far request denied.

oh is engaging with help from alcohol groups etc he knows he can never drink again

OP posts:
GoodnightAdeline · 30/03/2024 13:50

I grew up with an emotionally unstable alcoholic parent and it was scary. They are a black hole of ‘need’ and the kids often get forgotten or emotionally neglected while the other parent tends to the addict because they mistakenly believe it’s better to keep the family together. It isn’t. He needs to live elsewhere until he’s recovered.

Marssuri · 30/03/2024 13:51

Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:45

No he didn’t attempt to burn the house down. He poured petrol over himself and set himself on fire in the back garden.

That is horrible! I hope he is a bit better now, both physically and mentally.

As for aocial services, the best thing you can do to get your OH home is to comply with what they say and not deny that he might be a danger at this stage. They want to know that you are aware of the risk he imposes (whether or not you agree with them) and that you will safeguard your kids.

GoodnightAdeline · 30/03/2024 13:51

Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:50

I don’t trust the SW as he has never been truthful with me. Said that they work with families to keep them together. Then at last minute they pulled the “rug” from
under us and said he not allowed home.

how can I work with someone I don’t trust. I have asked for a new SW and so far request denied.

oh is engaging with help from alcohol groups etc he knows he can never drink again

It sounds like you don’t trust him because he isn’t doing what you want him to do. His job is to look out for your children and living with an emotionally unstable alcoholic is not in their best interests, in any way.

Comedycook · 30/03/2024 13:51

You sound in complete denial about the seriousness of this op and the effect on your children.

Namechanged4obviousreasons · 30/03/2024 13:52

@Mor08102002 You say the children aren’t at risk of harm, but having someone in the family attempt to set themselves alight is emotionally damaging for children. Even if they don’t know everything, please don’t underestimate the impact this has on them and how much they will sense and pick up on. Living with an alcoholic is also tough. You cannot help him, he needs professional help and you need to look after your children and make them your focus. He shouldn’t be around them until he is well. SS won’t remove your children if you cooperate but if you insist on putting them in harms way, even if not physical or what you’d see as abuse, they will remove them.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/03/2024 13:52

I don’t trust him to have my children’s best interest at heart

And this is exactly what the social workers think of you, and I'm sorry to say, I think they are correct. If you refuse to protect your children, they have no choice but to intervene.

How can you possibly think it's a good idea to have this man around your children? You are not being sensible in any way, shape or form.

Itsonlymashadow · 30/03/2024 13:53

Your children are at risk of abuse. They live with someone who is an alcoholic. That is very high risk of emotional trauma for them.

Their father setting himself on fire is emotionally traumatic. Wether they witnessed it or not.

Social services need to be involved because you don’t understand how serious this is.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 30/03/2024 13:54

siameselife · 30/03/2024 13:37

OP take a step back.
Living with an alcoholic who tries to take their own life is going to be very emotionally damaging to children.
There is no way for that not to impact the whole family including children.
It isn't clear what makes him a fire risk.

Let your DP work on getting well by himself and get support for yourself to care for your dc. This is much safer for your dc.

This. It's a complex situation and it's going to take a long time.

Do you have anyone supporting you?

Original poster
Mor08102002 · 30/03/2024 13:54

Yes I was home when it happened, I saw it happen, put out the fire and got him medical attention.

im just glad our children were not home.

i have been offered MH but i dont need it.

OP posts:
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