Feel like social services are ruining my life

[Mor08102002]

My OH, sufferes with MH and is an alcoholic. He has been waiting along time for help with MH, back in dec he attempted to commit suicide. Our children were NOT in the house when it happened.

SS have stated that when my OH is released from hospital he is not allowed home to the family home as they deem him a “fire risk” he is now scared of petrol/fire so he is not a risk anymore.

Got a child protection case conference coming up, and I’m scared. Scared they going to split my family up. SW has been 0 support during this. I have asked for a new one repeatedly as I don’t trust him to have my children’s best interest at heart.

He did a section 47 on my children, he not even explained what a 47 is or how it applies to my children as my children are not at risk from abuse/neglect/emotional or physical abuse

The family they are trying to keep together are your children with you.

Many women put some bloke before their own kids and then the children come to harm.

They care about the childrens welfare.

You can give up your children and go on pandering to your OH, or you can stand up for your kids and keep him away so they don't get harmed any more than they already have.

Working to keep families together doesn't mean letting unsafe people stay in the family home, regardless of who they are.
It means he isn't prioritizing taking your dc away from you and into care.
You do need to demonstrate that you can put your dc before your DP however.
The priority for the social worker is your dc.

Thank God the SW is prioritising your children's wellbeing, because you clearly aren't. I grew up in an alcoholic household, it was miserable and had far-reaching consequences. Sort your head out and keep that man away from your vulnerable children.

You need help desperately. If you do not come to grips with the reality of your situation, your children will need to be removed from you. You are not protecting them.

It's not social services ruining your life, it's your alcoholic, suicidal dh. Please prioritise your children and yourself.

Your children are at serious risk and you don’t see how serious this is. Your family split with your partners actions. Social services are right he shouldn’t be anywhere near the kids till he sorts himself out. Put the kids as your priority before you lose them too.

I don't think the SW has mislead you.

Your family now is you and your DC.

The SW wants to ensure that the DC stay with you and you prioritise them and their safety.

You cannot do this if you have DH living with you.

OP i think you and your partner need to live apart whilst he is in recovery. I think it is best for all concerned at this present time. It doesn’t mean you can’t show him love and support but your children need to come first.

You seem to be directing your anger and fear of the situation at the social worker.

I understand wanting to help your husband but you don’t seem to factor in your children at all.

Sorry I've just seen that he's your Partner, not your DH.

You do need support, clearly.

Take the support offered. Show that you are engaging with help.

Social services are not going to leave children in a home with one parent who has set themselves on fire and another parent who is in complete denial about the seriousness of this.

Im interested in your experience - I have a family member in a similar situ to the OP. They were told by social services that if Dad returned home the kids would be a put on a CP plan and he wasn’t allowed unsupervised contact. It transpired he was having unsupervised contact, in the family home because Mum wanted sometime without the kids, essentially, not out of necessity or emergencies but planned periods of time so Mum could have a break.

I divulged this to social services and despite their previous assertions was told “Mum has children’s best interests at heart, I’m sure it’s fine.” That was that. They ceased all intervention with the family. Dad is in and out of rehab/the family home.

So I’m just surprised when social services actually do anything as they just seem all mouth all my experience.

I agree. The sw hasn't lied to you. They do try to keep families together but this doesn't mean when it's not safe to do so

Then SS are doing absolutely the right thing.

What happens if he does this again, inside or outside the house?

This is way beyond even a 'normal' attempt at suicide.

Your kids deserve better than exposure to the possibility of this.

Work with SS. Mainly cos the alternative is your kids will lose you too.

Yeah, you need to keep your kids away from him.

Please don’t plant ideas in OP head

Goodness, he set himself on fire? I hope he’s mentally in a much better place but you can see why he wouldn’t be allowed around the children. Especially as he’s also an alcoholic. Is he the children’s father? Regardless, you need to spend time apart to make sure he’s no longer a risk

I'm a DSL in a school.
OP the thresholds for social services intervention even for early help are very high.
If they are involved they really need to be.

I’m not? I’m just interested in when social services do pursue because I was really disappointed in their response in similar circumstances.

OP one thing you have to remember about social services. They aren't responsible for you or your partner. Their ONLY priority is the wellbeing of the children. This can feel quite jarring to us as parents but the good news is that YOUR biggest priority is also your kids. You have that in common.

Removing children is always a last resort. Foster carers are in very short supply right now and they would much rather work with you to keep the children at home.

Try not to fight your social worker. He isn't there to make nice with you but he is an important ally in the protection of your children. You don't have to like each other to cooperate. Ask him for support and advice and you may find he surprises you. Nobody goes into social care because they don't care about the people they're trying to help.

Your DP is a risk to them. I'm sorry but it has to be said. Living with a suicidal alcoholic is extremely emotionally damaging and if his mental health is that unstable then you really can't discount the possibility of another attempt. I doubt you were exactly expecting it the first time. He cannot live with the children at present so you have to make a choice.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now and you're having to be the strong one for everyone. It's a hell of a burden.

Yes he is the childrens father. He is engaging with the mental health team at the hospital. He is even engaging with the alcohol team as he knows he can never drink again.

he is doing everything that they have asked him to do

Your OH is an alcoholic with severe MH issues and tried to set himself on fire. If SS wasn't involved then I'd worry!
Of course he shouldn't return home right now. Why are you not putting the welfare of your children first?!
He might be scared of fire now but what if he uses a knife next time or something else?
Seriously, put your children first

It seems the SW is prioritising your children which is a good thing and worrying that you cannot see this.

Poor man. That must have been very distressing for all of you.

However, there is still an inherent risk to the children at the moment, even if he says he's scared of fire now

You absolutely must cooperate with SS. You have to show that you can protect your children.

In this awful situation your children should come 1st, concentrate on their wellbeing not his .
I can't imagine their fear if they witnessed or have any knowledge of what he did, the sw worker is prioritising them.
If this were my family there is no way that this unstable alcoholic would be anywhere near to my children at this point.
He needs to make his recovery on his own terms away from his children who could end up suffering permanent emotional damage from this awful violent act, in fact i don't think i could have this man around my children again.