Feel like social services are ruining my life

[Mor08102002]

My OH, sufferes with MH and is an alcoholic. He has been waiting along time for help with MH, back in dec he attempted to commit suicide. Our children were NOT in the house when it happened.

SS have stated that when my OH is released from hospital he is not allowed home to the family home as they deem him a “fire risk” he is now scared of petrol/fire so he is not a risk anymore.

Got a child protection case conference coming up, and I’m scared. Scared they going to split my family up. SW has been 0 support during this. I have asked for a new one repeatedly as I don’t trust him to have my children’s best interest at heart.

He did a section 47 on my children, he not even explained what a 47 is or how it applies to my children as my children are not at risk from abuse/neglect/emotional or physical abuse

Do you not work OP?

it was the SW who has said OH is not allowed home and this was before any meetings/therapy etc he made his mind out before giving people a chance to prove themselves

OP your DP is being given a chance to prove himself but he can't safely be allowed to stay with your children.
Some support for you so you can understand how difficult it is going to be for your DP to remain clean going forward might be helpful.
This is going to be a marathon for him not a sprint.
I would also be concerned if your DP wanted to return home to live with his dc before his ability to manage himself in the outside world has been established.

He can't afford to take that chance OP. He has to prioritise the protection of the children. They have to be sheltered from this as much as possible. If he takes the chance and gives your DP a chance to prove himself and DP relapses, it's then too late to shield them from it. He has to be proactive here.

You have to understand the position he is in here. Their wellbeing is paramount and their wellbeing is not best served by living with a suicidal alcoholic father no matter how much they love each other.

That’s none of yours or anyone else’s business. How dare you ask that question.

I have followed all the rules the SW has given me out of fear

Gently OP, you should be following the SW's rules in order to safeguard your children. Not because you're afraid that the SW will split up your family.

SWs' remit isn't to split up families, but to protect vulnerable children.

OP im so sorry this has happened to you and your family. As someone who works in social services believe me when I say they have your children's best interests and safety as their main concern. They do not want to break up a family, this is a last resort. They need to see you are a protective parent as your husband is clearly not- I know you may not see this but the impact this has had on your children even if they didnt see is huge already.

My advice

• stop asking for a new SW, they rarely change unless something significant, view the SW as someone who can work for you

-engage with and be open to any support offered, i know you said you didnt need mental health support but it definitely wouldn't hurt to engage

• ensure your children have the option to engage in counseling, based on what you said they need it

-agree that you husband will not be left alone with the children

You will be provided a CP plan which will outline what you need to do, do this, it will mostly be basic parenting and engaging in services. Your whole family have beeb through a trauma and you do need social services input and support. Good luck, your children really need you to do the best you can right now

This is all super recent. OP is going through a lot and probably struggling to process it all and come to terms with the gravity of the situation and what it entails for the future of her family.
It is definitely a positive that she is following SS' rules right now, doesn't matter if she's doing it out of fear or not at this stage, as long as her children are safe.

You need to comply with the very reasonable request from SS that your partner not return home until he has shown a period of time where he is mentally stable.

As you can read from all the replies the issue isn't the SW (everyone on this thread is agreeing that they are doing the correct thing) and requesting a different one wouldn't make any difference to their advice. If you were able to make the right choices and show that you have your children's well-being prioritised then SS would not need to be involved for long.

Your partner is an adult and needs to access the support he needs to be able to conquer his demons before returning to the family home.
He did something incredibly shocking and is obviously not a well person.
If you are that unwell it will take a long period of time to recover, he can't just decide he isn't drinking anymore and his previous actions be forgotten.
Your children are at risk of being removed from you, their mother, until you agree that your partner does not return home until he is well enough to.
You aren't the one who decides that.

You do have a very clear choice, do you choose to live with your children and continue to parent them or choose for your partner to come home and for the children to go into care?

OP please, please let your OH deal with himself and concentrate on supporting yourself and your children.

How can expect SS to have faith that you put your kids first when you are just endlessly going on about him, thinking about him, wanting to be close to him so you can support him?

This is not about him.

This is about your children.

If he works really hard on himself and turns his life around, maybe one day in the future he will be in a better place and maybe then he can be around again.

Right now, he is a million miles away from safe for anybody.

It's plain as day your OH is your priority here not your kids from everything you are saying.

Who is going to be caring for them while you rush off to support him if he's local and carries on as he has done?

went to the meeting.

I actually had an apology off SS as they admitted they should of changed the male SW in the case to a female SW.

SS have agreed OH can see the children which we are happy with.

children staying in my care which we are happy with.

SS going to help us get a SW for husband to help get him accommodation and once he proves he can continue to get the help he needs in the community then we can work at reintegration to the family home.

so to all the people who said “stop asking for new SW” there was actually a genuine historical reason for that and SS have admitted that they were at fault for not listening and they will ensure that that does not happen again going forward

SS have agreed OH can see the children which we are happy with

I take it that's supervised.

The first visit will be done with the children’s mental health team so they know the children are ok. After that we will make further decisions

Sounds a fantastic result @Mor08102002 (under the circumstances) and you sound more positive about the way forward? Hopefully your DH hitting rock bottom as he did means he will get support to try and re-build his mental health and confidence.
He will feel better knowing the children are home with you so you can concentrate on keeping them happy while he is recovering. I'm imagining he has very obvious injuries/burns and that might be quite upsetting for the children, so it's good he can have his own space to rest & recover.