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Parenting

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Original poster

To wish I never did NCT

84 replies

Stillhoping1990 · 20/03/2024 17:49

Need to vent and also see if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation.
Ive found my NCT group to have been more of a hindrance than a help. Everything is going great with my baby twins - then I speak to NCT mums who give unsolicited advice and I panic that I’ve done everything wrong.
The mums are constantly sending detailed messages in the WhatsApp group about their bedtime routines, feeding, ‘wake windows’ you name it - and tbh I found it quite tedious and I don’t know how they have time for this!
There is one mum in particular who sends pictures and videos of her baby every day in the group! Sometimes multiple pictures and talks about him non stop. It’s so annoying. I don’t care/want to see pictures of their babies when I have my own to be thinking of. I send pictures of my babies but only to family and friends who ask. It’s all very ‘show off ish’. Feeling like NCT has ruined my experience because they are so annoying. I can’t leave the group because I bump into them all the time in baby classes etc.

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SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2024 22:30

Stillhoping1990 · 20/03/2024 19:08

I didn’t think I’d get many replies to this post so thank you everyone who’s taken the time to- even to those who’ve played devils advocate and think im mean 😅.
Perhaps I’m more irritated by the group because I’m underslept and so busy with two babies. I think I’ve needed to stay focussed in my bubble and the group is too much noise. Reading the messages in the group chat just caused me anxiety and confusion in the early days. Also perhaps these mums in particular just aren’t my tribe.
I do however stand my ground when I say posting baby pics is annoying. This women sends so many pictures of her baby - its a strange thing to do and its very irritating. It’s as though no one else’s babies matter and it’s all about her. Some of you may be right, she could be lonely but to me it looks like she’s showing off. I hate that sort of thing.
I will mute the chat and occasionally drop by with a sprinkle of emojis. 😂😎

Just too trump her photos. You have two, are they identical? People find twins fascinating. Anything she can doz you can do twice

CrispsnDips · 20/03/2024 22:31

Didn’t like my group - the mums were all a bit too posh for me (and really moany). Went along to some Council run mums n tots groups where I felt I fitted in a lot more, and we had a lot of laughs 👍🏼

Original poster

Stillhoping1990 · 20/03/2024 22:36

One positive is that now I know I don’t like parent groups and will not join one again. I’ve also found out what other mums can be like. I honestly had no idea!

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SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2024 22:36

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 20/03/2024 22:27

One of the babies in my NCT required numerous serious operations/ procedures in the first year of its life. (It is now about 7 and absolutely fine as far as I can tell from social media ).

While I had the utmost sympathy for the parents, it is only with hindsight that I realised how hard hearing all the updates about this baby (at one point the parents where told to prepare for the worst) were when I myself was in a vulnerable position as a first time mum (I had also suffered an awful pregnancy with mental health issues).

Also no one else felt they could say anything about finding new motherhood hard within the group because it would have felt so insensitive to complain about feeding / sleep etc when this poor mum was going through the most awful time.

I never formed a friendship with any of the group despite my best efforts, so a year after I last saw them I left the WhatsApp group. I have enough WhatsApp groups to keep up with where I am actually friends with the people!

I’m still connected to the mum of the poorly baby on Facebook & pleased to report the child seems fine now.

Tough one as obviously she needed support, but it definitely changed the dynamics of the group.

Oh I hope this isn't me 😔 my son is 8 now, I'm sorry if it was.

mentalbandwidth · 20/03/2024 22:43

I've got our NCT WhatsApp group on permanent mute due to the feelings of inadequacy and anxiety it gives me. I'll hop in and out of it occasionally when I'm feeling OK

mentalbandwidth · 20/03/2024 22:44

Stillhoping1990 · 20/03/2024 22:36

One positive is that now I know I don’t like parent groups and will not join one again. I’ve also found out what other mums can be like. I honestly had no idea!

It took me a while to find a group I was OK in and wouldn't be without now as it's my only activity that DD and I do together out the house.

elliejjtiny · 20/03/2024 22:48

I completely understand. My 4th was born severely disabled and I just couldn't relate to the other mums at baby group at all.

Gagaandgag · 21/03/2024 00:23

Another vote for archive it and skim read once a day. Just take it light heartedly and don’t stress - everyone, as you have gathered has their own advice and experiences to share you don’t have to take them to heart. Just do you and have it there for bits you might want to engage with now and then. You are doing great and I’m glad you’re enjoying your twins. When I had my first I wasn’t in an nct but I did make friends at other groups and we had a WhatsApp. I was the mum sharing the photos! I didn’t really share on Facebook or instagram etc so WhatsApp was my place. I cringe now but at the time I was just so in love and happy I wanted to shout it out to the world. So just take it like that. No big deal she is just in love and shows it in a different way to you.

Love the emoji sprinkling idea 😆

Superscientist · 21/03/2024 09:45

I think the key to parenting groups is to find a group that reflects your day to day experience.
I have been in 3 NCT, PND and allergy mums. Beyond maternity leave the only one I still use is the allergy mums one. They are the people I turn too on my good and bad days as they "get it". They have been there when I cried after making my daughter with an egg allergy a birthday cake with lemon curd in which contains egg. They were there when I celebrated that my daughter managed a whole 8 microscopic pieces of biscuit over 6 weeks only failing when it went to every other day. I didn't need to do a whole back story so they got the context. I didn't need a solution I needed someone to just get it without being told how to get it.

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