To wish I never did NCT

[Stillhoping1990]

Need to vent and also see if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation.
Ive found my NCT group to have been more of a hindrance than a help. Everything is going great with my baby twins - then I speak to NCT mums who give unsolicited advice and I panic that I’ve done everything wrong.
The mums are constantly sending detailed messages in the WhatsApp group about their bedtime routines, feeding, ‘wake windows’ you name it - and tbh I found it quite tedious and I don’t know how they have time for this!
There is one mum in particular who sends pictures and videos of her baby every day in the group! Sometimes multiple pictures and talks about him non stop. It’s so annoying. I don’t care/want to see pictures of their babies when I have my own to be thinking of. I send pictures of my babies but only to family and friends who ask. It’s all very ‘show off ish’. Feeling like NCT has ruined my experience because they are so annoying. I can’t leave the group because I bump into them all the time in baby classes etc.

Mute it and neither of you are wrong. You don’t have the headspace to get into it and she maybe feels lonely and needs a higher level of contact.

I found my groups helpful and unhelpful. My experiences were very different as I had baby that screamed all the time and never slept.
I now see 2 people regularly and the group hasn't been used a great deal since we returned to work between 9 and 12 months.
Keep what is useful and mute the rest, if you can see if there are any members that are more on your way of thinking and speak to them separately

Leave the group

Agree just mute it. Unless they are horrible people they aren't trying to be mean, they are using NCT for what the vast vast majority of people use it for which is to make friends and get a bit of support and guidance in the early days.

If that's not what you're seeking that's absolutely fine but I think it's a bit churlish to get pissed off with them sharing pictures of their babies; it's a baby group!

No one is forcing you to be part of this.
If the group is not a positive in your life, leave.
If you can’t bring yourself to have any interest in other peoples babies then parent support groups are not for you.
I loved my NCT group. A fantastic source or reassurance and support. Lovely women who I still see now, 13 years later.
I was very fond of all their children.

YANBU, i think it's total pot luck. I made two friends, one if whom I felt I really clicked with and another who was more funny and gregarious. The loud one then basically wendied me and I never see either of them now.

Im envious you have a group of local mums to connect with, I had hoped this would happen for me but never did, as others say just mute the chat and check in when you get a chance. Totally normal to want to post pictures of your baby to other mums so not sure what the issue is. It sounds like the other mums are just looking to share experiences and advice. Im sure in time you'll see the benefits of having this support

I’m not sure what you expected from attending an NCT class. Everyone knows this is the expectation surely. Stop being mean about other mums being proud of their babies. Who doesn’t want to talk about their baby and their achievements. If you aren’t happy, mute the group. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I’ve come across mums like you and it made me feel rubbish about myself and almost ruined my experience. Take ownership. I loved my NCT group, I’ve met up every week with them for 4.5 years. Be happy you have a support network. Many don’t.

I didn’t think I’d get many replies to this post so thank you everyone who’s taken the time to- even to those who’ve played devils advocate and think im mean 😅.
Perhaps I’m more irritated by the group because I’m underslept and so busy with two babies. I think I’ve needed to stay focussed in my bubble and the group is too much noise. Reading the messages in the group chat just caused me anxiety and confusion in the early days. Also perhaps these mums in particular just aren’t my tribe.
I do however stand my ground when I say posting baby pics is annoying. This women sends so many pictures of her baby - its a strange thing to do and its very irritating. It’s as though no one else’s babies matter and it’s all about her. Some of you may be right, she could be lonely but to me it looks like she’s showing off. I hate that sort of thing.
I will mute the chat and occasionally drop by with a sprinkle of emojis. 😂😎

I would question whether they are really a support network if all they are inducing is anxiety and the feelings described by the OP. Sure it sounds like the group is a supportive group on the whole but if they are causing more stress than relief to the OP this is not a supportive network to them.

It's your viewpoint that's the problem.
"and I panic that I’ve done everything wrong. "

Why? You wouldn't behave this way about your job you were good at, if you cooked a great dish you knew you were fab at, you lived an outfit / dress you know you looked good in. So why lack confidence re being a mum. Hold firm. Ignore.

I thank God I had a Lockdown baby, so I didn’t have to do any of this stuff…

Yeah it might be that there is no one in the group who would be part of your ‘tribe’. In my NCT group, I’m close with one or two, like/indifferent to a few and don’t like a few, but I am glad for the WhatsApp group in general and meet ups for support from others at the same stage. Definitely mute if it’s bothering you.

Having twins is the perfect excuse to put the group on mute!

I regretted not doing nct but mainly because for the first few years it gives your kids a pre made peer group that I think mine were missing.

I think you go a bit mad after your first kid/ kids so I wouldn't judge the over sharer too harshly, I also wouldn't judge feeling annoyed by it either.
You're all navigating huge new territory.

Just archive it and pop in when you're having a poo from time to time.

I hated NCT, didn’t like any of the people at ALL, muted the group and left.

to be fair, may be you just don't enjoy it and like me, you need tons of experiences before you find a group that is a Godsent just for you !!!!

Just leave. And if anyone asks (which i doubt they will) then just say you were finding the volume of messages too much. If you're not friends with these people anyway, it doesn't matter what they think.

Just mute the group. And isn’t the whole point of NCT to have a network snd meet others.

😂

Hated mine. Absolute waste of money. Not only was too gung ho on the breastfeeding and birth choices being there should only ever be natural unless it's an emergency section. Judgemental group of women and snooty dads.

It was a perfect example in competitive parenting and how not to.

The constant showing off and inevitable upmanship made me physically gag every time. Didn't stick with it. One other mum and I stayed friends the rest as far as I know have hate meet ups every so often 10 years on.

Second time around and I've not bothered and much happier for it. Have met other mums through baby classes and groups.

I’m sorry some of you have also experienced the bragging and one upmanship. It’s really not what you need as a new mum. It’s like they can’t wait to be first to share that their baby has rolled, weaned, smiled, laughed or whatever. I celebrate these milestones with my husband and have absolutely no urge to post in an NCT WhatsApp with women I’ve met a handful of times. I’d tell new expecting mums to approach NCT with caution.
I expect it will all start to slow down once everyone is back in work (one hopes)

My NCT group ostracised me and one other mum. I joined to make friends in my town, but, apart from this one other mum and me, everyone else lived in a more upmarket neighbouring town. After the initial classes and a handful of meet ups (the latter always in their upmarket town, never in ours), they invited a few new people they had met and stopped inviting me and the other woman. Fuckers, all of them.

The other woman and I took to meeting up with someone I met in hospital having my baby, just us three. It lasted about a year, then we all drifted apart.

The NCT experience isn't always all it's cracked up to be tbh.

You've got baby twins, there is no better excuse in the world for being too busy to reply.

Just mute it and fade.

Make normal friends at baby groups. The kind who know coffee, cake and a laugh about all the things that didn't go quite to plan are the way forward.

Be polite but mutter 'too busy, not enough hands' at them as you run away.

Do you know any other twin mums? Our health visitor was good at facilitating contact if wanted. You might need more practical tips as they get bigger.

Essentially if you are still managing to function with tiny twins you are doing well. Ignore the perfect ones because it's lies or they'll pay for their smugness later!

My NCT group didn't get along all to far apart. I do think having twins you would be better finding a twins support group as they will completely get a lot of where you're coming from but also help you should you need it which will be relevant to you.

Also agree the over sharer might be lonely and may also have a partner or husband who shows little interest. That's definitely been my past experience with a few friends.