Please tell me honest reality of having a newborn

[kidsanddogs10]

Can anyone describe how the first few weeks of having a baby are really like?

Some people say it's amazing, some say awful. It's hard to understand. What can I really expect?

I am having a planned c section.

I have been round babies my whole life and have stepchildren from when they were 2 and 3 so I am aware of the impact kids have. Just never done the 0-2 stage before!

Thanks all 😊

P.s. I don't want lots of scary stories 🤣

Iv had 2 inductions with vaginal delivery so can't comment on csec part however honestly my experience has been 0-6months is a total breeze.
My daughters both fed every 4 hours and slept practically all day (and night!) for months on end. I had a lovely time sitting in bed watching box set after box set 😂

Not everyone's experience but I loved it.

For me it turned my world upside down. Yes I loved dd but I didn't like being a mum at first. I really struggled with being depended on so hugely and felt massively touched out very often. That was true for about the first 3 months but then I started to find my groove especially with going out, feeding etc.

Having had a second baby, these are some things to consider, maybe:

• arranging dh to have more time at home, possibly 3 weeks (he had 6 days and then started foreign travel which felt very overwhelming)
• if breastfeeding, trying to establish a loose routine once baby is 6 weeks or so. Not massively strict but a loose routine - this happened with dd2 because I had to.stop feeding at set times to do school runs
• allowing something each day that you do uninterrupted. For me it was either cooking dinner or having a bath, but dh took.baby and very strictly didn't interrupt me.
• if breastfeeding, finding something you love for the long night feeds, be it a box set, audio book or shite magazines via the library app on my phone

It really really depends on the newborn! I think the biggest shock for me was how relentless it felt. Feeding him every three hours with no weekend to look forward to at the end of it. But I was exclusively breastfeeding and struggling with it, so that probably had an impact there.

it also depends on your partner or lack of. My DH was amazing and gave me brilliant moral support. It helped no end. Time to myself was hard to come by though and a 30 minute bath felt like a huge luxury.

Also, every time you find a routine it’s time for a developmental leap and all changes again.

I loved it. My baby slept through from 5 weeks to 5 months (then regressed 😭😂) so I was very lucky.

It was like nothing I had ever experienced before tbh. All-consuming in pretty much every way 🥹

It depends on the baby but I was just so over the moon with both my sleeper (who gave me an easy time) and my non-sleeper (who, um, didn’t).

The best thing to do is to have no expectations. Because it's almost impossible to know how you'll react. So try to go with the flow.

I had a c section and recovered a lot better than when I had open gynae surgery 16 months before, probably to do with hormone changes post birth and the need to be up and about for the baby. The first few days up to two weeks I'd say are hard, because most babies lose weight after birth, I was one of the unlucky ones where my baby lost an amount that meant she needed a hospital admission.

Until the baby has gained back their birth weight you need to feed every 3 hours, 24 hours a day, once they're at birthweight you can go to on demand feeding, which should give you longer between feeds so you can rest. Other than that it's down to the baby, will the baby have a calm demeanor, will they avoid things like colic, it's down to the baby.

Oh dear. I won't tell you anything then TBH.

My first baby screamed from the minute she came out until she was around 4 months old non stop so that was very stressful and exhausting. She is a ray of sunshine now though! My second baby was calmer and so that was much easier and relaxing for me. I think it depends on the temperament of the beautiful baby!

Two DDs and two planned sections here. I loved the newborn bubble stage! The thing me and dh found so hard was the sleepless nights. Nothing prepares you for how little sleep you will have, and how to cope with broken sleep. I remember feeling so, so groggy. Once you're in a routine, you do adjust, cope and manage, but for us, it was the biggest thing. I remember the first few weeks with dd1 her days and nights were mixed up, so come night time she would wake up for a feed and she'd be wide awake for hours on end, just lying there looking about. It was incredibly adorable looking back, but I remember my eyes burning with tiredness!

Hope all goes well op

I'd been a nursery nurse for 15 years before DS1 and thought I was prepared but I wasn't expecting how up and down I'd feel emotionally. I was sore, exhausted and anxious. I doubted myself a lot. I made life harder for myself by trying to be perfect and pretending I was fine.

With DS2 I was much kinder to myself. I rode the wave a bit more and accepted help.

Grinds my gears when people start trying to scare prospective mothers about the newborn days.

Mine were a piece of piss when tiny. They literally just ate, slept and pooed. I watched a lot of telly and had a lot of day time naps.

Made easier if you have a supportive partner who is ready and able to do his share around the house.

It’s when they start dropping naps and crawling, that’s when it gets harder.

Best to just wait for your own experience as every baby is different

It’s not really an experience that’s likely to have been similar to anything else you will experience in both good & bad ways!
Equally, every experience is different. First child was really chilled, I didn’t find it too tiring or draining. Lots of watching TV etc with a lovely sleeping snuggly new born. DH went back to work after a week and half and I was fine, however I found my mat leave quite lonely and a little boring if I can say that. Second child was prem, harder to feed and so much more demanding, (also had a C-section). DH had four weeks off and I could have happily had him home much longer. However after the first couple of months, I made so much more of my mat leave. Had such a lovely time the second time round.

It so so depends on what kind of baby you get.

DS1 was extremely alert, colicky and tongue tied. He was a nightmare to feed and get to sleep. Struggled to gain weight until TT snipped. Screamed solidly in all forms of transport (pram, sling, car) so I felt completely trapped. Had awful witching hour(s) in the evening. Un-put-downable day and night. I was on my knees and had no idea this wasn’t the standard experience. He was a tricky baby but got easier with every passing month.

DS2 woke to feed and poo then went back to sleep. No colic, no reflux. Slept decent spells overnight from a couple of weeks. Could be put down during the day. Was okay in the pram and the sling (hated the car!) Was a bit unsettled in the evening but nothing horrendous. Nothing has been easier as far as he is concerned than his first 6 weeks, he’s more tricky and a far far worse sleeper now at 8 months!

The only bad bit is the postnatal ward. Everything after that is joyful.

My dd never slept, my ds is good at sleeping. You just adapt, really.

Make sure your dh gets as much leave as he can - annual leave, unpaid leave, ideally a couple of months if he can manage it. That'll get him used to doing night waking and nappies etc so it doesn't default to you.

And remember, when you're in the postnatal ward, this is the most uncomfortable you'll ever be, it is all an improvement from then on.

It depends on so many things. Friend's baby was so mellow, she didn't know why everyone else with babies around her was struggling. For me, it was the hardest and most horrendous time of my life both physically and mentally. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing, unable to grasp that this is life now, and I don't have a day off in sight. I can't sit down watch a a movie, I can't go to bed whenever I want, I can't eat or pee when I want and the relentless nighttime feedings really took a toll on me. The effects of sleep deprivation alone made me certain I'll never have another child. I do have the most incredible 4 year old that I love beyond words but the sheer thought of having to do it all over again gives me a nervous stomach 😂

I genuinely thought I would have 3 kids, big family...I never EVER thought I'd find the adjustment so incredibly difficult, a child / family was all me and DH ever wanted. I guess you just don't really know until you are in it...

It very much depends on the baby! DS1 was colicky and just generally an unhappy little soul for his first three months or so, so I really didn't enjoy his newborn stage one bit, whereas DS2 was much more chilled and I had a lovely time enjoying all the newborn cuddles I'd heard about first time round.

It's very tiring - but actually I'd say I did sleep better with a newborn than heavily pregnant, as even though you're not necessarily sleeping a lot, for me the quality of sleep was better. And as someone else said, the relentlessness of it is really hard, you just have to carry on even when you don't want to and you're feeling sore and tired.

Don't overdo it after a c section - my first was an EMCS and I was feeling pretty good so did more than I should have done in terms of lifting and moving around, and it definitely slowed my recovery down, and be sure to keep on top of pain relief (I used alarms on my phone). Good luck!

There is no one reality.

For some it is unspeakably awful and for others it's a wonderful, magical time. That's why you hear both types of stories.

A lot of it will be down to what sort of baby you get. You just have to wait and see.

Things you can do now that will be helpful no matter what type of baby you get:

Batch cook some meals for the freezer.

Make sure cupboards are well stocked so you have what you need at hand.

Either get a cleaner or lower your standards around housekeeping (unless they're already dangerously low of course).

Do not be afraid to seek any help you might need for PND or similar. If anyone offers help take them up on it, be clear with what you'd like.

Get off social media (or just stick to dog/cat videos). Do not compare yourself or your baby to other people.

If you can, let other people hold the baby. Not random strangers on the bus obviously, but grandparents, close friends and most importantly your partner. They won't come to any harm, having that support helps immeasurably and a baby can't be too loved. You may feel that absolutely no-one else can comfort you baby, but that won't be true.

Make sure you have comfy clothes, some netflix series lined up, comfy sofa and blankets, water bottle etc.

Hell. Both times. Your experience may be the same or completely different. You just don’t know

I think it is amazing and awful at the same time. Baby cries for hours and you try everything and you can’t stop them crying and you feel desperate and inadequate, and then, miraculously, they fall asleep with one little foot sticking out from under the covers and you look at that perfect little foot and are flooded with love for this baby who is surely the best baby ever.

I had a planned c section too which was all very straightforward and I had no issues only recovery was a process as you'd expect but until you're in it you don't know how it will feel for you.

I had a disruptive postnatal ward experience which resulted in me getting no sleep the night after my c section (even though baby slept and always has been a good sleeper!). Starting motherhood on my first all nighter and recovering from a section was a bit of a shock. Hormones and exclusive breastfeeding added to that and I found the first 6 weeks a total blur and quite overwhelming, however, now I have a toddler I look at it through rose tinted glasses as I know how quickly it goes and that everything is a short phase!

I had a textbook baby who didn't cry just fed, slept, pooped and repeated so once I found my feet and felt physically better I enjoyed it. My advice would be to lean into recovery, be extremely kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if it's available (I didn't have the option but will arrange help from family next time!) and remember that nothing lasts forever and everything is a phase!

Definitely baby/circumstances dependent. My first was generally a happy baby until it came to feeding time and she was an absolute nightmare. Hated milk in any form. I also had PND which was left untreated for a long time because I just thought it was hard having a baby, didn't realise there was a bigger problem.
Second baby was far easier. She fed, slept and was generally content. Midwife got me antidepressants when she was 2 weeks old as I showed signs of PND again but as it was caught early it didn't affect me massively.
First ended up a dream toddler and second is a lot harder at 2 so they do keep you on your toes!

DD1 - vaginal + forceps - hated the forced 4-5 days on the ward (I had a private room) - once the stitches healed - she was born in late Dec so the first 3 months were pretty restricted as we lived on a hill and it was icy/frozen/snow and I was back at work by 5 months but it was basically a lovely haze of sleep, feed, cuddle (I had other children or anything else to do).

Dd2 ECS (see forceps above) covid baby so we were discharged within 24 hours on paracetamol only. I LOVED being home straight away - quickly rigged up easy ways to pull myself up and walked the second they agreed to the catheter coming out. Again born in Covid so I had nowhere to be and neither did the family but first 6 months apart from the colic super chilled re long walks, cuddles, feed.

I've found the first 8-9 months the easiest bit re child (less so re birth injury) - mainly because not being at work I had nothing to do but concentrate on baby x

I can’t comment on the c section part sorry, but it’s honestly the most life changing thing you can go through.
My advice would be take all the help you can get, if people offer to do the dishes then let them. I also had a tea an coffee tray laid out by the kettle so visitors could help themselves.
Stay off social media and take no notice to all the multiple reels and tik toks that will get pushed your way, remember that these videos are made to create likes, comments and they’ve got no professional qualifications most of the time.
Also, please just try to take each day as it comes and don’t over think things. Babies want to be held and cuddled so if they hate their crib, don’t panic. Take the time to slow down and let the world go by while you enjoy your baby bubble.
Best of luck and I hope everything goes well.