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Please tell me honest reality of having a newborn

92 replies

kidsanddogs10 · 18/03/2024 20:02

Can anyone describe how the first few weeks of having a baby are really like?

Some people say it's amazing, some say awful. It's hard to understand. What can I really expect?

I am having a planned c section.

I have been round babies my whole life and have stepchildren from when they were 2 and 3 so I am aware of the impact kids have. Just never done the 0-2 stage before!

Thanks all 😊

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
sleepandcoffee · 18/03/2024 20:36

1st child was a nightmare - traumatic delivery, he never napped in the day and would wake up 10 times a night , had terrible colic too .

2nd child has been lovely although tiring ! Planned c-section which was ok to recover from, the baby loved contact cuddles but won't sleep in a cot at all which is abit of a nightmare but I know it won't last forever !

My top tips would be to be organised while pregnant by prepping lots of meals for the freezer ( I mean lots! ) .
Really remember that everything is just a phase and the baby stage really does fly by .
Don't get too hooked on ideas , just for an example would be breastfeeding - wonderful if you can do it but if it's taking a physical or mental toll on you then it's not worth it .

Matilda1981 · 18/03/2024 20:38

In all honesty if you’re happy to let the baby sleep on you while you watch crap on tv during the day for the first few weeks then it’s a breeze! If you expect the baby to sleep in a Moses basket while you happily get on with jobs then it might be a more stressful experience!!! The first 2 weeks are normally a breeze as they sleep welll during the day then all of a sudden they wake up to life! Get a good sling and you’re hands free which makes life easier to. I’ve had 4 and it was a shock having the first but by the 4th I accepted that watching crap tv while the baby napped on me was how my life was going to be (well I did get out and about as I used the sling a lot!!), levering your expectations in the best advice - arguments with your partner in the middle of the night are also the norm 🤣

Sunshineclouds11 · 18/03/2024 20:39

Both of my babies have been SO different.
I would just go in with an open mind.
Peoples good or bad stories isn't going to be how your baby will be.

My advice;
Accept any help you can
Sleep as and when you can
Batch cook some meals
Don't be scared to say no to people
Stock up on laundry stuff
If you make plans don't get upset if running late etc it's hard to get out the door on time
Take a daily walk when recovered
You can't spoil a baby. Soak in those newborn cuddles.

Congrats and good luck!

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BertieBotts · 18/03/2024 20:50

It's very intense, basically you live in a constant cycle of:

Baby wakes up, cries.

You change their nappy. Maybe their clothes too if they have wet them.

Prepare a bottle, or get all set up, likely with 889787 pillows, to breastfeed.

Feed them (which can be simple or it can be weirdly frustrating).

Pat them for a while to try and make them burp. This might make them sick which you might be lucky to catch in a muslin or it might necessitate another clothing change for them (and maybe you. And maybe your bed.)

They are then happy and awake for about 15 minutes. They don't do much at this point but they like to gaze intently at your face or any light source.

Then they start to get sleepy. You can either feed them again (if breastfeeding, I would, just because you want to take every chance to get them to the breast in the first few weeks) or you can do some combination of dummy/cuddles/rocking/singing/swaddle/white noise and hopefully they fall asleep. Then you put them down very gently, and hope this doesn't wake them. Or you can let them sleep on your lap. However this means you can't do very much else.

This all will have taken about 60-90 minutes. Maybe a couple of hours if you are unlucky.

They will now sleep (hopefully) for anything from 1-3 hours, maybe 4 if you're lucky. You don't know how long it will be. You are advised to feed at least 8 times in 24 hours, which means waking them at least once every 3 hours (up to 4 at night until they have regained their birth weight). You only have this window to do the following things:

Eating meals without having to be one-handed
Pumping, if you're pumping breastmilk (try to avoid unless you have to)
Showering
Washing everything the baby has got their bodily fluids on, plus your normal washing. Drying the washing. Taking it out of the drying-place so that you can dry more things.
Cooking
Washing up
Tidying up
Driving/taking public transport anywhere
Grocery or baby supply shopping online
Any kind of photo organisation or updating far away family members
Other household admin like making appointments
Taking care of any pets, houseplants or other children
Sleep

Before it all starts again.

Obviously, your partner can do some of these things if you have one (and they ought to!!) but they can't sleep, eat or shower for you, and if you're breastfeeding they can't feed. (But they can do everything else).

Over time the amount of time the baby can cope with being awake for lengthens and rather than feeding like a constant 24-h cycle of nappies, feeds and sleeping, you get a bit of a semblance of a day with naps, and a night with night feeds. I changed nappies overnight when they were first born, but fairly quickly got into a pattern of not changing the nappy overnight unless it leaked or there was poo. With a bedside cot I found night feeds weren't too disruptive.

I also found that I got a bit more streamlined with it and e.g. didn't do the changing bit first unless they had leaked, did the feeding bit first (and breastfeeding gets easier) and then you can incorporate the fun/play/interaction bit into the changing bit, and you get a bit more flexible with the order of things and can work around stuff like being out and about, or put them down in their awake time and let them chill if they are happy to do that.

But the first couple of weeks at least was just this kind of round the clock cycle. I loved it. I love the way everything else seems to fall away and not matter. Some people hate this and find it incredibly isolating. And if you have struggles with feeding or your baby has reflux, those things mess up the feeding part and the getting to sleep parts making them take much longer and be less effective, so the sleep stretches are likely to be shorter as well.

TempleOfBloom · 18/03/2024 21:00

I thought it was lovely.

Luckily we got breastfeeding established without complications, I was relaxed, we just sat around going ‘aaah’ , taking little walks to the park and sitting in the shade of trees relaxing.

Lots of night waking but we just did early nights and I napped in the day.

Kirstylvsya · 18/03/2024 21:02

Depends on the baby I'd say but I had a section- was so glad to not be pregnant anymore that my recovery was fab I was up and on my feet straight away, 90% back to normal within a week. Baby sleeps all day and night and is a dream, give me a newborn any day of the week over pregnancy. The anxiety is something I wasn't expecting tho "how much sleep is too much for a baby" is in my search history every night 🤣

Essie274 · 18/03/2024 21:04

I've not had a c-section so can't comment on that part.

DS1; released from hospital 12 hrs after birth, went home and nothing felt different (and yet it was). We ordered a curry and had a glass of champagne to celebrate. The next few weeks were pretty normal; little walks around the village gradually venturing further and over fields etc as I felt up to it, going out for brunch/to the pub with friends, having visitors over to meet baby, people bringing meals for us and offering to do shopping, I got more sleep postpartum than I did for the last few months of pregnancy so felt amazing. DS1 was such an easy newborn; breastfed perfectly from day 1, never really fussed, just fed and slept pretty much. He slept 12+hrs through the night from 3mo until he was 7mo which helped with the joy of it all (he slept didn't sleep through again until he was almost 2, stopped again at 3 and now does again at 4 thank god). Emotionally I felt on top of the world. I absolutely loved the newborn stage. For me it got difficult when all the "sleep regressions" started and then having to think about adding in solid foods (what a minefield!) and when they start walking and falling over constantly etc. I adored the 0-6m stage, found 6-15m a really tough stage, LOVED 15m-3y so much, found 3yo incredibly difficult and am now really enjoying parenting him at 4yo.

DS2; born at home. Similar sleep and breastfeeding experience as DS1 - really easy for us (I was convinced it was going to be awful second time around!). This postpartum I felt the need to take it much more slowly (or a slowly as you can take it when you also have a 2yo) and we stayed at home a lot more pottering around the house and garden. Such a joyful time. Parenting DS2 didn't get difficult until he was about 9mo and lasted until 18mo, but he's now 2yo and so much (stroppy) fun - has never slept through the night, though!

Olika · 18/03/2024 21:04

I don't have a clear recollection of the first months as I was so sleep starved. Once I got my head around it a bit it was a bit easier but still exhausting. Having said that it was obviously amazing time that I miss now.

Wedontopenyet · 18/03/2024 21:07

It's really full on and the lack of sleep is like you're floating. The first couple of weeks are the weirdest. It's emotional. Highs and lows.

And it's magic. But also terrible. But also wonderful.

ElmtreeMama · 18/03/2024 21:07

Its absolutely beyond amazing and awful in equal measure.
NOTHING PREPARED me and I read SO much beforehand.
I had a high needs, none sleeping, reflux, colicky, velcro baby and the relentless was something else.
The truth is if you're doing it properly then it's going to change everything.

kidsanddogs10 · 18/03/2024 21:14

Thanks so much for all your replies! Sounds like I'm in for a happy whirlwind!

OP posts:
Skykidsspy · 18/03/2024 21:23

depends on so much!!

the baby - if they like sleep, if they feed well, if they are well, if they’re contented
you - how you recover, your hormones! If you can be happy on limited sleep!
support - useful hands on partner and friends and family, or not!

I didn’t adjust well to the first, second was enjoyable!! Massive difference for me but some just adjust better than others. Some find 1-2 more difficult which just wasn’t my experience.

it got much easier once I accepted that I’m no longer top priority, ever. Took a while to accept that one!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 18/03/2024 21:30

Depends on the baby tbh.

I'm not telling this to scare you, but be aware that some babies will not sleep on their own, so not on their backs, not cosleeping, not in a pram. I wasn't aware that could happen and it was a huge shock that DS1 would only sleep either on our chests, or in the wrap. I could feed him to sleep or walk him, but that was it. But my friend had a newborn that slept through from a few weeks old. DS was almost 18 months before he slept through, and even that was sporadic and he's still an early riser.

Its just luck really!

DrJoanAllenby · 18/03/2024 21:33

I loved the newborn stage. Breastfeeding, sleeping and cuddling baby. A wonderful time.

Never understood all the tiredness as I napped during the day and had my babies in bed or next to the bed so sleep so it was very easy to feed in the night.

My first one was a lazy feeder so I spent a few days in hospital after he was born but once he latched on it was brilliant.

Floralnomad · 18/03/2024 21:37

Depends on you and the baby . I had a planned section with my second and it was a breeze . I found the 0-9 months very easy - I don’t need much sleep , I’m happy with broken sleep and nobody answers back or runs off 😀

boonr · 18/03/2024 22:07

First time round, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I was so completely gobsmacked at how different my life had suddenly become. The shock of not being able to sleep, not being able to eat food without a baby crying or needing me, the realisation that it was going to take me an hour to pack everything before I left the house, not being able to watch TV etc.

I also didn't bond with my baby straight away. I think it was down to sheer shock. I suddenly had no idea who I was anymore. I found it hard but powered on through. I really struggled to accept that my old life was over.

2nd time round, I had a massive, instant connection with my baby. I cried so much. The love I felt for her within seconds was insane. I think having my 2nd made me really accept that my old life was over. I couldn't watch TV, eat in peace, do what I wanted any more anyway, so it was a much nicer experience.

Basically though, it is fucking hard. It's absolutely amazing and also fucking horrendous all at the same time. You could jump out of a window some days, and other days you love them to bits. You'll mentally be all over the place for the next few years but it's worth it.

warmmfeet · 18/03/2024 22:12

Well it's absolutely amazing but overwhelming at times. It also will depend on your babies temperament, my eldest was a very chilled baby who slept lots and lots, then my youngest was colicky, loud and he was very hard to settle to sleep.

My advise is to go with the flow and accept any help you are offered.

Congratulations! It's a really magical time

Echobelly · 18/03/2024 22:19

It is both amazing and incredibly hard (I wouldn't say 'awful').

I had two planned c-sections, two fairly 'easy' newborns but a feeding crisis with first that resulted in two weeks of furious pumping and mixed feeding betweens weeks 3-5. Even with 'easy' babies you'll still feel like you don't know which way is up for about the first 12 weeks but that is copable with because you're not having to do anything except look after the baby and yourself - hopefully your partner will pull their weight!

'Cluster feeding' and the first few weeks of getting them down for the night was what I perhaps found hardest, but those phases didn't last long. I found white noise was really good for the intial settling to sleep.

Also getting used to leaving the house - it can feel impossible at first, but start small. And when you can, do try getting out of the house regularly - the baby is nice and portable at this stage and will be asleep much of the day.

After 12 weeks you start to understand different cries a bit more, and you'll probably be in more of a routine.

I'd mainly say, do whatever it takes to get you through those first 12 weeks as long as it's safe for the baby. You can't 'create bad habits' in a newborn and they can't 'manipulate' you.

Also, don't panic if you don't get the legendary 'rush of unbelievable love' for your newborn, I never had that with either and I'm fine with that, it really doesn't happen for everyone.

SpaceJamtart · 18/03/2024 22:23

Mine were very chill and to be honest a little bit boring. They slept almost all of the time.
It was cute and exciting but mostly they were so chill I could do whatever and they just hung out. We had a lot of visitors and i slept a lot too. Nothing dramatic just a lot of watching babies sleep and being a little paranoid they were not feeding enough.

HMW1906 · 18/03/2024 22:34

I’ve had 2 c-sections (1 x emergency, 1 x planned). It’s different for everyone but I felt like I would be able to manage with the baby on my own after about 5 day post section but the first couple of days my husband had to do pretty much everything especially with my second.

I didn’t enjoy the first week with a newborn either time, we had problems with feeding with both, significant weight loss and jaundice so spent much of the first week backwards and forwards to the hospital for tests and treatment. But think we were just unlucky.

I know people on mumsnet frown on it but we didn’t have visitors for the first few days then only grandparents in the first week or so. We didn’t have a choice with our eldest as it was lockdown (we came out of lockdown when he was about 5 days old). We enjoyed having that time as just the 3 of us the first time round that we decided to do the same again the second time round but with just the 4 of us.

Friendofdennis · 18/03/2024 22:41

i had a moment of feeling overwhelmed that I was now responsible for keeping this baby alive and well. But once I accepted this responsibility in my head it was ok. Sounds cliched but take it one day at a time

Blessedbethefruitz · 18/03/2024 22:46

Depends on baby almost entirely, I've had 2 opposite experiences with my 2 opposite children 😅

My first was elective cesarean (breech) for which my textbook recovery was just awful. V low pain threshold apparently, I can't even describe it. Paired with ds who had cmpa, severe reflux and tongue and lip ties (no breastfeeding for us...), and later feeding aversion, it was pretty bloody awful. I needed antidepressants in the end, just wanted to die. He didn't sleep for more than 2 hours until 2 years old. Still doesn't sleep through at 5...

My second was a nice fast vbac - even with the shoulder dystocia, I'd do it 1 million times over before having another cesarean. I was bouncing off the walls after and didn't slow down. Paired with dd, who was the best baby ever. Immediately after they resuscitated her she got herself latched on and basically didn't stop. Lovely chunky baby who only cried when she actually needed something, and loved sleep. I spent months basically in bed with her breastfeeding and binge watching series and doing quiet games with ds when not at nursery. One of the best times of my life.

PremiumRaa · 18/03/2024 22:47

The newborn stage for us was hellish. DD screamed with colic from birth for months on end, didn't sleep. It was torture and drove me into depression. Had her checked by multiple professionals who ended up saying just colic but she had loads of tests. It was really really difficult and upsetting.

However - once she got to over a year old and started to sleep, things got easier. I have found a lively toddler a million times easier than a screaming non sleeping baby.

Motherofsnakes · 18/03/2024 22:52

Hard for me to describe but will try...actual newborn it's the cliche of you can't stop looking at them/can't believe they're yours 😅 but the broken sleep is really tough, particularly after a couple of weeks. But you just sort of tell yourself its a stage etc.

For me it was this floaty feeling of this is actually happening but it's all a bit surreal. On a practical note I think I spent a lot of time worrying about layers, weather appropriate clothes and a lot of time googling various methods of preparing bottles on the go when breastfeeding didn't work out.

I liked having visitors but that's a personal choice. I had an emergency section after attempting vaginal birth and I think it was feeling very sorry for myself and enjoyed the company/fuss.

IggOrEgg · 18/03/2024 22:55

I am, in no way at all, dismissing anyone else’s experiences but for me, personally, it was pretty bloody dreamy. I was exhausted of course, but DS always slept pretty well (after the first two weeks when he wouldn’t sleep anyway but on either me or DH!), my planned C-section was great and the recovery was easy and all I really did for a while was cuddle my beautiful new baby, it was a lovely bubble. I was out walking the dogs with DS in a sling in a matter of days, and was back to very much normal activity by a couple of weeks. DS was settled and a very content little man, barely cried at all really, which was a huge blessing. My husband was fab, but had to be back to work after a week and obviously couldn’t do the night feeds so it was mostly all on me. I loved having visitors, and I loved just taking him to cafes and shops and whatever once I could drive again (nowhere within walking distance). I tended to do something every day, whether that be having a visitor come, or go out somewhere, or even just going for a walk, that definitely helped!
I struggled with feeding, poor DS just couldn’t seem to latch for some unknown reason but once we cracked that (only a week or so) it was easy enough… if a little gross and messy with milk going everywhere 😂