Please tell me honest reality of having a newborn

[kidsanddogs10]

Can anyone describe how the first few weeks of having a baby are really like?

Some people say it's amazing, some say awful. It's hard to understand. What can I really expect?

I am having a planned c section.

I have been round babies my whole life and have stepchildren from when they were 2 and 3 so I am aware of the impact kids have. Just never done the 0-2 stage before!

Thanks all 😊

I meant to add if you do bottle feed, I felt there was a constant mild anxiety for a good few weeks when cluster feeding r.e making bottles up. Got told off by HV a bit/warned off it but yes we did use perfect prep for a while until i then just found it easier to make with part fresh boiled water and part cool boiled water (in sterile bottle in fridge) as the bottles got bigger and the prep machine just became another thing to worry about filters etc (can you tell I'm a worrier?)

I loved it
I think people are not expecting the baby to never want to be put down. Read up on the fourth trimester and accept that your baby will want to be on you all the time. Get a kindle so you can read with one hand and line up TV prog and snacks you can eat with one hand.
And enjoy!

I didn't want to put them (both DC - not twins) down and when DH would hold them I'd get a bit twitchy and want them back.

I really struggle with the newborn stage.

I have a 2yr old and a 4 week old. There are so many variables- for me, bf didnt work and go to plan and there was so much anxiety around getting to their birthweight, and then introducing formula hit me hard, especially when we were fully formula feeding.

We bought a bedside crib too and I remember with my first, feeding him and putting him in it, and him waking 10mins later. I remember thinking why had no one told me this? My boys just hate their crib and it would have made things a tad easier if they did.

The sleep deprivation is rough too. But when newborn gets to 3 months, you have somewhat of a routine starting and they start smiling and engaging more.

It depends on:
the birth you end up having,
the baby’s temperament,
how supportive your partner is and
your expectations of the above.
Your family and the dynamic you have with them.
How well you respond to lack of sleep.
How well your partner responds to lack of sleep.
How much pressure you put on yourself to ‘be back to normal’.
Your bodily recovery and hormones.
How comfortable you are financially and materially.
Etc etc.

Every experience is different.

It waa wonderful being wrapped up in a bubble of baby love. Don't listen to stories saying you can't get a shower etc . If you have a partner involve them or shower when baby naps. Definitely ignore anyone who claims it "relentless" looking after a newborn, it's not. Personally I found it joyous and easy abd you can just take things at your own pace. I love being a mum ( dh loves being a dad) and having ds was the best thing that ever happened to me and dh.

All babies are different and all experiences are different.

I had one very easy baby and one moderately easy.

First few weeks are very tiring though from lack of sleep and you've got hormones raging through your body.

You are also going to be in pain or discomfort recovering from your section.

Take it one day at a time. Keep on top of your pain meds. Accept all offers of help. And try your best to enjoy it too.

Apart from the pain and lack of sleep I loved it. Best experiences ever.

I struggled with my first... It's such a huge shift in your life, emotionally, physically and mentally. It can take a while to adjust to.

I totally loved having my second and third. I was so happy and very bonded to them.

The best 6 weeks of my life when my girl was born. We got lucky, she was so calm all the time, barely cried. We just got all of the good stuff. My fiance took 2 weeks paternity then 3 weeks holiday so I wasn't alone at all. I am so nostalgic about that time period, even though she's only 9 months. It got tough when the teething stage came!

Have you had animals because I think there are parallels especially with puppies . I had always had horses do found it easy because I knew how to keep something alive and fed and not too hot or cold etc .

If not I think it will be a shock . The lack of sleep is the worst bit tbh

This was my experience. I just spent a lot of time lounging around on the bed with a co sleeper cot. The baby will let you know when it needs something and you just check if they’re too hot or cold, have a wet nappy or need a feed. That’s it, baby painkiller for teething down the track, stick the wiggles on tv.

Do yourself a favour and don't even think or worry about it! I'm certainly not. 4 months pregnant and concentrating on each day. Obviously with a C-section you need to plan for being far less mobile.

Everyone is going to have different experiences and depends what sort of baby you get. if a baby is a bad sleeper/eater/colicky etc then you can have a really awful time.

I would give a few hints:

• Don't be proud and say no to help. get all the help you can. it really does take a village and just being able to leave your baby with your sibling/parents/best friend etc for an hour so you can get a bit of me time or some sleep is fine
• Try and get the circadian rhythm early. Daytime have all the lights on and lots of noise and at night lights go off and sound is quiet. it will make their sleep patterns much easier down the line. even for feeds during the night keep lights off and noise off.
• Buy a white noise machine (honestly i was so against these when i had my daughter and then we went to a friends house who had one and OMG the difference it made).
• Recognise your baby is human not a robot. It's not going to do things exactly how things are done in books including "wake windows" and "sleep patterns". They are just a guide and not every baby will stick to it and that's ok
• DO NOT get the wonder weeks app. No matter what. it drove all my friends mad and i think became a self fulfilling prophecy.
• Get out as much as you can. don't stress about baby patterns they will adapt to sleeping in prams, slings etc. Go to classes, meet friends for lunch, wonder in the fresh air. good for you and baby
• MOST IMPORTANT: do what is right for you and suits you! do not listen to anyone else's judgement

On the flip side, I wish people had been more honest with me so a) I had been more prepared for the reality and b)I didn't feel like I was broken when I didn't enjoy it. I assumed I was a terrible person, an awful mother and should never have had a baby because everyone had told me that my baby would eat and sleep and cuddle and it would be magical and full of love, and my experience was the exact opposite.

OP, nobody can tell you what your experience will be because every baby is different. What I will say, though, is that despite the newborn stage being the worst experience of my life, hand on heart it's been more than worth it. DD is the best thing that's ever happened to me and worth every moment of struggle. I would also say that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and everyone will find different phases more challenging than others. I hated having a newborn, but found the toddler years an absolute breeze and couldn't understand what people meant by "terrible twos" and "threenagers".

Having a newborn was the best experiences of my life. If I could play those first few months on repeat for ever, I'd be a very happy woman. I was very hormonal with lots of intense emotions. Thankfully they were all positive ones.

I thought I'd find motherhood a shock, but weirdly I didn't. I came home (after a very painless section), and it was genuinely great. I felt more of a shock of responsibility when we had a kitten a few years before, than a baby. I was used to surviving on little sleep where my needs were very low down on the list, because of a ridiculous job I had. I had never felt so rested with a newborn, and it was like being on holiday, as my job was so stressful (I did subsequently quit).

We went out and about almost immediately, and I was well enough for a day trip to the zoo, with a while day walking, by 2 weeks old. Lots of seeing friends, pub lunches etc before that.

My first was formula fed and it was roughly every 3 hours. That was really very easy, and years later my kids still rarely go more than 3 hours without food (in the day), so I'm not sure why people think it's a big deal. You don't even need to worry about getting veg into them, coming for them or then getting a balanced diet. Theres only ever one thing on the menu. Night feeds were fine and were shared and I got more sleep than in pregnancy.

My second was more tricky as I had a toddler (under 2 year age gap), and baby was more 'difficult'. She refused bottles from birth so I ended up EBF even though I didn't want to. This was tiring at night, but physically really easy to do thankfully. She cried a LOT in the evenings and was very colicky, but it was also fine. We went abroad at 6w because pacing with a baby is more pleasant in the sun, and had a great time. I don't think I watched a single box set during maternity.

After what felt like a very gentle introduction to parenting it got harder though. A LOT harder. My second woke hourly+ from 6-18m. Having a toddler and a preschooler together was the hardest thing I've done. To others, that bit will be fine.

Not necessarily. Many women are up and about quicker after a planned section than vaginal births. My mobility was affected for a few days, that was it. Obviously there's a huge range of 'normal', but don't presume you'll be immobile or fine. See how it goes.

Every baby is different! You don't know yet how well they'll be, how they will feed etc which makes a big difference in the first few weeks. But it's all how you prepare yourself.
Yes you'll cry a lot , so will baby, won't sleep much - but how you cope with that depends on how kind you can be to yourself and how you compare yourself to the 'perfect mums' online.

The love and cuddles are amazing.

Ps post c section you do need help even lifting baby in and out of cot and scooting yourself across the bed for first few days is hard

Your comment has really annoyed me. It did feel relentless to me. That is my abiding memory of the first few weeks.

Why should OP ignore that because it wasn’t YOUR experience?! 🙄

I had a new born with cmpa and reflux and a gp who insisted it was colic for 6 weeks. So the first 6 weeks brought us to our knees but once we got meds and dairy free formula it wasn't that bad. It'll be fine once you get yourself into a routine

It really depends on the baby more than any other factors except maybe what support you have. My first baby struggled to breastfeed, hated sleep, had colic and reflux so it was exhausting. My second fed easily and slept loads so it was lovely.

Op asked for varied views. I gave my positive story, feel free to give your negative one. I was just trying to give balance because it really annoys me how many mothers come on claiming that looking after a nb/any age child is "relentless". It's hardly news or a shock to discover that a newborn needs around the clock care. It's called parenting. There are always more negative than positive stories. I guess that's because the negative comments come from people who have an ace to grind.

If you detailed now what I did when DC was newborn and asked me if I could do it I would say, “Not a chance”, but when you are in it you just get on with it.

I had a traumatic vaginal delivery. I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. I was in a lot of pain for a long time afterwards. Even a week or so after the birth a very short walk would make me collapse (due to blood loss, I imagine). In the immediate aftermath I was obsessively googling about the likely outcomes for my child. I needed answers but couldn’t get them, which I found excruciating. I had PTSD like symptoms for a couple of years.

My newborn cried a lot, fed for hours and hours. At times it was 5pm through to midnight for weeks on end. They mostly screamed if they were not in physical contact with me. No other human was acceptable. But it was also lovely. Newborns are gorgeous and they just get more fascinating as they age. And you love them so much even when you hate that they need you as much as they do it gets you through.

The sheer and utter exhaustion is something else though, and for me it has taken the better part of a decade to disappear as I have a disabled child who needed parenting night and day for many, many years.

The early days curled up on the sofa feeding and watching TV were really nice.

After a few weeks the portability of newborns, especially if they are breastfeeding, is also really good. Make use of your maternity leave to go and do the things you never do when you are working before the baby starts to walk etc!

It means that you won't be able to sleep for longer than 2 hours in the first few months. It drove me crazy and caused insomnia although I was exhausted to hell. I've eventually developed a skill of sleeping whenever I have an opportunity during second pregnancy which was a breeze.

The adrenaline and pure love will get you through..... something inside us just kicks in.

In terms of C-section, I found arnica tablets helped alongside regular pain relief.... it's very important to keep on top of meds.

If you're breastfeeding buy nipple shields and nipple cream. And this yellow nappy cream that begins with M.

Oh and batch cook x

You've never been a parent before, your baby has never been born before, and lots will depend on your temperament, health, state of mind, support, living environment etc, added to your baby's health, temperament etc.

I found it absolutely awful and was googling 'adoption services' at 3 am (infected c-section site, breastmilk never came in, fractious baby who wasn't keen on being out of the womb, sleep deprivation so bad I was hallucinating), but that was me and my baby. Your experience will be different because it's yours. I wouldn't waste any emotional energy on speculating on what it will be like.

Be kind to yourself, take all offers of help, and don't panic if it feels like the worst mistake you've ever made. However good or ghastly it is, it passes fairly rapidly.

Good luck!