How did you learn what you needed to know before having a baby?

[natura]

Talking to a friend who's just found out she's pregnant. Neither of us have mothers ourselves (a combination of death and estrangement) and we both live a good distance from family.

She's never been around babies before, and while her partner had younger siblings, he never knew any of the basics of caring for a baby. She's terrified of not knowing things that other people consider 'common knowledge' - how to feed her baby and how often, what to avoid, risks and dangers she has no idea about, health-related things to look out for, signs to respond to... and I'm in exactly the same position, although not pregnant.

How did you learn / find out how to care for your first baby? Did you have lots of support from other mothers or your own parents, did you do lots of reading and research, or was it all 'learn as you go'?

I learnt nothing from my mother. Guidelines and research have changed so much since she had babies.

I did Baby Academy webinars, NCT classes, hospital antenatal classes, and followed a lot of “experts” on TikTok and Instagram

I bought What to expect when you’re expecting and a book on basic baby care. We lived away from family when he was a baby so I didn’t have much support. I like to have as much knowledge as possible so I just read and reread the books and joined an online mums group for any questions when he was here

I had one book which I used like a bible. I didnt know anything else. Missed most of my ante natal classes and the two I attended were utterly useless. My mother despite being a health visitor was utterly useless too. I learned on the job !

Totally learned as I went. I didn't have the money to do NCT, have no family nearby and knew noone near to me who was already a mother. I also didn't want to have children, got pregnant accidentally and was certain I was going to be the worst mother on the planet. But I'm not, and I really love being a mum (thank goodness!) As previous people have said mother's instincts are incredible. You just kind of work it out! Thinking about it now there are probably loads of 'baby care basics' videos out there, but we just kinda muddled through, and 5 years on the kids are fricking awesome so we must have done okay! Trial, error and learning to trust your gut (it's usually right!).

I did the NCT course, but I found it was massively focussed on the giving birth part more than practically how to look after a baby (although they did do quite a bit on breastfeeding, and that was helpful).

The good news is, tiny babies feed, sleep and poo. So all you need to for the first 6-12 weeks is:

Babies sleep a LOT to start with.

The umbilical stump is gross. It basically rots and then drops off.

How to change a nappy - just have a go on a doll once, you'll be doing it 12 times a day and you'll be a pro by day 2. Their poo is like sticky black tar fora day or two, then goes green and finally yellow and M ustardy.

How to feed baby - if you're bf you need to hold them tummy-to-tummy (not tummy upwards) and nose-to-nipple (so that they open wide and get a good mouthfull of areola), if you're bottle feeding honestlyI'd practise a few times as it's stressful and take a long time unless you have a machine for it.

Burp baby after a feed with a muslinor small towel to protect your clothes. Rub/gently pay until theyproduce.

Cluster feeding and/or colic can make the evenings around 3weeks-3months difficult. Plan to do nothing but comfort your baby. You may be pleasantly surprised, but assume you will be watching some box sets....

A nice stretchy wrap/carrier is a godsend for the first few months. Most babies don't like to be out down, but will merrily sleep for 3+ hours strapped to your chest.

Nighttime sleep - decide what you want to do, but be flexible as long as it is safe. Babies need to sleep on their backs and not have pillows or duvets. My personal preference is a side-car cot and baby sleep in bags.

My go-to for my first was the What To Expect in the First Year book. It's massive and I found it really helpful. But do remember that babies don't read the book.... My 4 have all been different.