Am I being over the top?

[Elisabeth3468]

My son is starting nursery (he's just over 2) in a few weeks. He will be doing 2 afternoons a week.
I am a bit anxious when it comes to trusting anyone with him and don't particularly want him to go to nursery but haven't got much choice.
Anyway, I do have a fear of choking and I checked that they cut foods appropriately there and asked them to avoid him eating apple and carrot sticks.
This is only because I know he messes around with other children and tends to copy other children (especially if they are being silly). At home I have a firm rule that if he's eating then he should sit down and he knows that.
She said they halve grapes , blueberries and tomatoes.
My son loves grapes but I generally quarter them. Blueberries I halve or squish as they aren't as hard.
I've checked websites and everything says to quarter them.
Surely a nursery should know this? Not just for my child but for others.
I realise I do sound a bit anxious about it all but he's my little boy and I want things to be as safe as they can be for him.
Would you say something? How would you say it?

You're being OTT.

The way your child will learn to avoid choking is to gradually ease up on the cutting and feed him bigger pieces, while of course staying close by and monitoring.

Wrt grapes - small grapes need only be cut in two. Big grapes can be quartered. It's not the numbers of pieces that matter, it's the size of each cut piece. Common sense here...

As an aside, are you getting treatment for your anxiety?

My daughter started nursery with 4 pages of typed instructions on how to feed her and related issues. I have since have had to have another half page of instructions due to related issues.
Asking for quartering of grapes would be minor compared to feeding my daughter! If you say nothing they won't do it. If you ask they may or may not do it. I would probably do it in person as you saw from the beginning of the thread the curse of the written word can add judgement that isn't intended!

My 18 month old has full apples!

They will be looking after him just fine

Well actually it's also to do with the round shape of grapes, not necessarily the size. Even though they are the perfect size to get lodged.
It's that half a grape or a whole one could get lodged so it's unmovable with first aid. That's why they recommend quarters. My son eats a normal diet and is no different to any other toddler.
Treatment for my anxiety is going to the gym 3 times a week, walking etc. I think a lot of parents are worried about their children. It doesn't stop us living our lives or having fun every day.
And maybe staying off Mumsnet away from all the perfectly none anxious mothers would help my anxiety 😂

cut the grapes in quarters
i hardly believe with a bunch of kids they will give a monkeys
i cut my sons in quarters and they’ve never mentioned it

I do think your child will be fine with the food. I have 20 month old twins who were premature and had to have speech and language therapy when weaning as delayed and high risk of choking. But they eat blueberries whole, grapes cut in half, carrots, apples etc. And have done since around the age of 1 with no incidents.

I do however completely understand the anxiety of sending your child to nursery for the first time. It's hard to trust strangers to care for your child. My girls are due to start after Easter and I'm dreading it. It has taken me 12 months of therapy to get to a point I feel able to put the girls in nursery. So do what you need to do to soothe the transition

I quartered grapes till 18 months then halfed them (till 8 years!!!). I think a two year old can eat halved grapes safely. Nursery ratios are low and they will absolutely make sure the kids sit sensibly to eat.

On the making sure they sit properly and eat sensibly
At my daughters nursery they have two staff members sat at the table. My daughter needs monitoring to ensure she doesn't eat anything she shouldn't so she is always next to a member of staff
We had an almost incident when she told us a little boy put cheese in her water. She has a dairy allergy so this was a concern. I spoke to the staff and that little boy did put food in someone's drink but it wasn't cheese and it wasn't my daughters. He was at the other end of the table near another staff member and that they carefully select who sits near my daughter for those that are well behaved with respect to food to protect her.

I'm sure if you mentioned your concerns they could ensure that your child is next to a member of staff if possible and if not near kids that don't play around too much

I still half grapes and cherry tomatoes and DS is nine!

I’d just ask them to quarter them. Grapes are expensive though, I suspect they won’t have them very often …

Just wanted to update this thread.
So I spoke to the nursery about my concerns and they were very reassuring and completely understood my worries. They said I'm not the only parent that has these kind of worries.
My son started nursery after a few settling in sessions and doing well and is straight in there with all the activities.
His key worker commented on how well he sits at the table when eating as well which is something I've instilled in him because I never let him run around with food. He sits on sofa for a snack of course and in the pram he has snacks sometimes but he knows he has to sit down to eat.
So yeah I feel a lot happier now I've spoken to them about my worries. He's actually been eating things at nursery that he won't entertain at home! Which is great.

It's your job as a parent to teach them to be as safe as possible wherever they are. For this reason we taught our son to eat whole grapes from pretty early on (18m ish) so he knows how to do it properly.

On the nursery anxious thing, my nursery recently let them play with water beads. I did have a chat at the end of the day about that one but ultimately you can't control what happens in their day.

It’s fine to talk to them about your concerns but you’ll probably do better to approach it cooperatively. I wouldn’t go in saying “surely a nursery should know to quarter grapes?!”

If you explain that you’re worried about choking because your son can be distracted when eating, can they please keep an eye out, and he’s only ever had quartered grapes so could they possibly do that as well, you will get a better response.

I remember being really anxious when my son started at nursery although my fears focused on the idea he’d wander out somehow- it’s really usual for your general worries all to coalesce around one issue. FWIW once he had started I felt a lot better very quickly, honestly within days. It’s an unknown for you now which make it extra scary but it won’t be for long.

I personally think you are taking a massive risk with an 18 month old offering whole grapes. Any body can choke but the younger the person particularly under 4s have immature oral motor skills.

Yes obviously I asked them in a nice way and not confrontational like I worded in my original post. I already feel more relaxed now he's been a few times. They all seem very caring there.

@Elisabeth3468 that's the point, you consciously teach them how to do it safely- rather than avoiding them. Have you looked at solid starts? They are a great resource and this is what they advocate.

We are quite relaxed parents but the two things we have always struggled with is leaving our children with new people and eating as we also had choking fear.

Funny enough my son choked twice and both in my care, one at a party were he was eating sweets and a confetti star got stuck to the sweet and in the back of his throat (was with him and such an unfortunate accident) and when he was much older and got meat stuck.

Maybe after a few weeks your anxiety will subside but the childcare won't think anything of telling them your worries, they have heard it all before and will put you at ease.

I'm sure as a nurse you have to deal with people's anxieties and don't judge.

@Perfect28 Yes and we did BLW mostly, I'm very educated in the subject. The main issue is that if you do choke on a grape it's hard to dislodge even with first aid. I honestly wouldn't risk it at 18 months. Maybe when the child is 4/5 and they have a further understanding I would teach them.

@Alargeoneplease89 It is scary when they choked , my son did when he was 8 months on some broccoli but he was very chesty and unwell so a contributing factor, I hit his back and it come out.
Glad im not the only one that gets anxious about this subject though. Some people on here have made me out to be really abnormal and like I need treatment for my anxiety or something .
As a nurse I encounter anxious patients and relatives every day and I would never judge them and always try and put them at ease.

Grapes, tomatoes should definitely be quartered not halved til well past 2

I do understand. But honestly halving grapes isn't something to get so stressed about. Kids put daft stuff in their mouth at any given point. You've done the right thing which is teach him to chew, sit down to eat, that sort of thing.

Honestly, I feel its easy to sneer at people on forums on MN, people certainly wouldn't be so horrible to a friend who voiced concern about these issues.

All the best for your son's time at nursery, I'm sure it will be mundane and uneventful in the nicest possible way 😂... 125708 pictures of artwork coming your way. Your only concern will be where to store it.

Completely agree! Find it mind blowing parents are trying to teach an 18 month old how to eat whole grapes rather than taking away the risk altogether!

Just teach them about whole foods when they're older and minimise the risk.

Grapes, sausages, tomatoes all quartered

Marshmallows are an absolute no no.

I have anxiety and my advice would be to get yours sorted. It's shit.

Whole grapes at 18 months is just crazy to me

I worry about choking. I have a weird fear of it. I won’t eat alone for this very reason. I understand your fear of your son choking, however; you do need to chill in the nicest way possible otherwise mainly when he gets older he will start to pick up on your fears and they will become his fears too. You don’t want that. Ask nursery why not quarters see what they say. But ultimately you can never get rid of every risk sadly