Am I being over the top?

[Elisabeth3468]

My son is starting nursery (he's just over 2) in a few weeks. He will be doing 2 afternoons a week.
I am a bit anxious when it comes to trusting anyone with him and don't particularly want him to go to nursery but haven't got much choice.
Anyway, I do have a fear of choking and I checked that they cut foods appropriately there and asked them to avoid him eating apple and carrot sticks.
This is only because I know he messes around with other children and tends to copy other children (especially if they are being silly). At home I have a firm rule that if he's eating then he should sit down and he knows that.
She said they halve grapes , blueberries and tomatoes.
My son loves grapes but I generally quarter them. Blueberries I halve or squish as they aren't as hard.
I've checked websites and everything says to quarter them.
Surely a nursery should know this? Not just for my child but for others.
I realise I do sound a bit anxious about it all but he's my little boy and I want things to be as safe as they can be for him.
Would you say something? How would you say it?

@Mumkins42 Yes! You've literally completely understood me. The comment where everyone was offended that's what I meant.
That people think yes it's the nurseries job so it should be a perfect setting for children and do not think to question anything.
At the end of the day he's my son , yes he's precious to me. I know I can't keep him from every single situation that could put him in danger. I think I will ask. The other comments did make me very upset.
I do suffer with anxiety and intrusive thoughts since having my son. Probably all the sleep deprivation !!

@Elisabeth3468 I would see if you have access, we have EAP here, ,(Ireland) Employee Assistance Programme. Given your profession it can Impact your safety gauge and raise anxiety.

I hope you have access and support help.

@Elisabeth3468 i work in a nursery and as a mum I completely understand your concerns I am the same regarding things like sausages also. The staff won’t have any issue if you ask them to quarter them as it is our job to reassure you and keep your child safe. Ignore the horrible comments.x

There's a severe lack of kindness on here and ridiculously over offended comments a plenty.

It will ease your worries and anxieties to just talk about it to them. I think you have nothing to apologise for if you feel better just chatting about it. I would say there's been a close call in the past with a grape so for now can you just do this. Just see what they say. How they react will be quite telling. Hope it all goes ok ♥️

I’m pretty laid back about most things but I’m going to go against the grain here and say that would absolutely concern and bother me. Having grapes and the likes quartered would be an absolute non negotiable for me especially when not in a 1:1 setting such as nursery. I work in an adult ICU and have seen, My fair share of adults dying or being left with irreversible brain damage from chocking on cherry tomatoes and the likes Never mind a distracted 2 year old, just not worth the risk at all for the sake of taking a few extra seconds to quarter them.

The ONS state there are roughly 250-300 choking deaths a year in the UK. A significant majority of these deaths are in the elderly. There are also around 930 NHS hospitals. So, exactly how many deaths have you really seeing, because it kind of sounds like you're just scaremongering on a thread where the OP has been open about her health anxieties. Yes, we all need to be cautious when preparing and serving food, especially to the vulnerable (young and old alike), but let's also try and maintain some perspective

Where did I say it was very common?? In my 11 years as an IcU nurse yes I have seen a few deaths and yes the ones I have seen are in adults but for the sake of a few extra seconds it’s not a risk I would take with my child. There were only 182 SIDs deaths in the uk last year but yet this site is full of safe sleep advice because it’s about mitigating the risks no matter how small you might think they are. Your not talking about a small injury should the worst happen, it would be death or devastating life changing injury so yes I think it’s sensible to quarter grapes or other food items that are the perfect shape to block a child’s airways. Not sure why it’s so controversial really, seems like common sense to me. I think it’s one thing to be more relaxed at home if you are confident you would know how to react if a young child chocked but unfortunately we know the early years sector are struggling at the minute in this country, are often staffed with young inexperienced staff and there have been documented cases in recent years of children dying from chocking at nurseries prompting ofsted to issue guidance on safe food preparation. If this thread was about the nursery allowing children to sleep in unsafe manners the advice would be to address it with the nursery and ask their safe sleep policy despite SIDs being relatively uncommon. Chocking is silent, just quarter the bloody grapes.

I'd really be looking for some support for yourself, this is a totally abnormal anxiety to have, and it will be passing to your son. All nursery staff will be first aid trained (unlike most parents!).

If you're not looking for a debate or an argument, maybe it's better not to imply that you think other parents don't care about who looks after their kids, or that they don't care as much as you. You are coimng across as really superior and smug here - I think you're going to have issues building a relationship with the nursery you're sending your child to.

So I seem to be against the grain here, but I would ask them to be quartering the grapes.

The reason I’d insist is because our nursery quarters grapes, and if parents bring them in lunchboxes they should quarter them. However, my son ate a grape from his friends lunchbox which had only been halved and he choked on it. Thankfully he was fine, the staff immediately reacted and cleared it with back slaps. It was very distressing for him and wouldn’t have happened if they’d been cut properly!

@MotherOfDragon20 Thank you! Seems like I'm not overly crazy or mad then like a lot of people make out. I will ask them to quarter them and stick with my instincts x

@londonloves didn't mean to come across as smug or superior. What I mean was that people probably don't over think things like me, hence the post asking if I'm being over the top? To gain some perspective.
I'm not really anxious about much else and my child certainly isn't an anxious one (quite the opposite).

@Eumie That must've been so scary!! Glad your son was ok and they acted fast. It can happen so quickly that's the thing.
I'll definitely tell them.

@londonloves you think I'll have issues with building a relationship with the nursery because I ask them to quarter my sons grapes ?? Hmm

@Rosesanddaisies1 and what support would you recommend eh?
My son is not anxious and he's doing very well. I prepare his food safely at home and there's no anxiety surrounding meal times.
This is about trusting another person, at a nursery.
I don't think it's absolutely obscene or unusual that I'm anxious to be honest.

I'd just casually ask them. I'm a bit worried about halving grapes, we've had a close call in the past. Can you quarter them

That would be a lie though.

OP, I think you have offended people as you phrased what you meant poorly. You have clarified, but initially it did sound like you were saying most people don't care about how their child is looked after, which has understandably for some backs up...

If this is something that really concerns you, you could speak to them about it. But I think it is generally accepted tha grapes are quartered up until 18months/2 years and then they are halved after that in most settings. Choking is extremely rare and they are all first aid trained.

Seconding what PP said about trying him at home. I suspect this will allay your fears.

Be tactful when approaching the nursery
Others have said you risk damaging the relationship. If you go in all guns blazing or suggesting that you are in a minority for caring about your child you will put noses out of joint. You are a nurse - I bet there are things you do at work that are not how you would do them if you had only 1 patient to look after and were totally dedicated to their care? Would you appreciate a family member criticising you on that basis? By all means bring it up, but keep your time calm (not accusatory) and don't imply that you know more than them about looking after a toddler as the odds are you dont.

I'm a teacher. I've had contact with parents who criticise how I teach their child. It doesn't endear them to me or make me want to go the extra mile if I'm honest! Sometimes they are absolutely right that their child could have learned more by me doing things a different way. And yes, I am paid to teach their child. But their child isnot the only one in the room.

Totally reasonable to ask nursery to quarter grapes. I’m surprised they even serve them, ours just point blank didn’t. If it’s anything like our nursery the kids literally won’t be allowed to eat and wander. It was strictly no sitting nicely at the table, no food, so I’d probably be less concerned about the carrot and apple batons, assuming they are cut properly.

Totally unreasonable to say that some people don’t care about who looks after their children. Of course everyone cares, they just have different priorities to you.

I get you op, I’m also hugely worried about choking, one of my main worries when dc are at school/ nursery. The nursery I chose has a special award for being trained in choking awareness and yes they quarter grapes etc. I still worry to be honest but at least know that these things are being done. I have a friend who gives her 2 year old whole grapes and I’m always terrified for that child and also mine as she tries to grab them! Might be silly to some but I do think it’s a valid thing to be concerned about. I’d probably ask the nursery about quartering to set your mind at ease.

I think if you have this level of anxiety over his care you might be better off looking for a Nanny.

@sexnotgenders just going to leave this here for you since I’ve been accused of scaremongering 🙄

https://foundationyears.org.uk/2021/09/food-safety-advice-on-choking-hazards-in-settings/

I think there is no harm in mentioning it, but if your son's nursery is anything like mine, they won't be serving grapes because cutting them up at all is quite time-consuming and fiddly, especially if you're doing enough grapes for all the children in the whole nursery. They serve a wide range of fruits, but it tends to be mainly ones that are less of a faff to cut up! I often see a fruit platter for the children with things like diced banana, slices of melon etc.

They will most likely enforce sitting nicely to eat, just as you do at home.

When my little boy started nursery in January we had a few settling in sessions and got chatting with the staff. They asked if we had any specific requests or major concerns, so if they do the same you could bring it up then. I don’t think they’d take offence to you asking about how meal times are organised, they understand parents can be really nervous leaving their kids with them and want to do as much as they can to ease their worries.

@TinyTeachr I fail to see how asking them to cut my sons grapes up is a criticism to the nursery though?
I've not complained about their care in anyway and how they do things?
He's not even started properly yet.

@TinyTeachr Plus my least concern is offending the nursery to be honest. It's about making sure they do things safely for my son.