Am I being over the top?

[Elisabeth3468]

My son is starting nursery (he's just over 2) in a few weeks. He will be doing 2 afternoons a week.
I am a bit anxious when it comes to trusting anyone with him and don't particularly want him to go to nursery but haven't got much choice.
Anyway, I do have a fear of choking and I checked that they cut foods appropriately there and asked them to avoid him eating apple and carrot sticks.
This is only because I know he messes around with other children and tends to copy other children (especially if they are being silly). At home I have a firm rule that if he's eating then he should sit down and he knows that.
She said they halve grapes , blueberries and tomatoes.
My son loves grapes but I generally quarter them. Blueberries I halve or squish as they aren't as hard.
I've checked websites and everything says to quarter them.
Surely a nursery should know this? Not just for my child but for others.
I realise I do sound a bit anxious about it all but he's my little boy and I want things to be as safe as they can be for him.
Would you say something? How would you say it?

But they are not paid for this and your child is not the only child in nursery or assigned a key worker 1:1.
Tbh you will have a hard time to find a nursery if you don't slow down. Get a nanny - your rules 100% and 1:1.

Precious First Born.

@MumChp What do you mean they are not paid for this? Surely they are there to provide the best care for each child , however that may be.

I'm paying them for a service and they are looking after my child. It takes a while to build trust.

Well, no. You are paying for a place at Nursery. So your child can access the EYFS. You are not employing one person to do exactly your will on every single small judgement throughout the day.

I get you are nervous at leaving him for the first time - most new parents are (although most will have left their child with people before they are 2), but you have to understand that isn't really how Nursery works.
Most staff are brilliant, and will do whatever they can to reassure you and help you with your separation anxiety, but, the examples you give are presumably only the tip of a long list of things you will want to dictate. Try and imagine if every parent presented staff with such a list?

A 2 yr old should be able to cope with a carrot stick or some apple.

You started it off with the rude comments!

Honestly yes, I think you are being OTT. However it's always harder to leave your DC if you don't want to leave them in the first place. Try to relax. Your DC will make friends and that is important for his development. In a couple of months you won't know why you were so worried.

I know a lot of parents don't think twice about who looks after their kid but that's not me.

Yes, most of us hate our children and hope they choke to death.

@Marblessolveeverything Yeah I'd rather him not go at all to be honest but haven't got a lot of choice in the situation because i need to work.
But yes I am focusing on that particular risk.
So I shall not say anything to them and just let myself worry.
He's a very confident boy and went in fine for his settling in sessions and looked very happy playing when I looked through the window waiting to fetch him.

I wish people would think more about what they type on these forums.

That's rich considering what you implied about other parents leaving their dc with just anyone

Nursery isn't paid to follow mums' more or less random instructions for each child but follow nursery rules for example on food.
You can't be a 1:4 ratio doing each mums' special requirements for every child.
You ask for a 1:1 nanny service not a nusery service.

This is an excellent post

You asked. People answered.

You're being hyper risk averse, yes. It's unlikely a child of two will choke to death while being supervised.

Your options are to demand that the nursery cuts all the children's grapes up into quarters. They may well say no, as they've already mitigated the risk by cutting into halves. Or you pay for a nanny and you can have grapes cut into stars if you want.

So pick one of those.

Ok Thanks all for the comments. I get the general gist that I'm being over the top so won't say anything to them. 👍

Well that's the pot calling the kettle black. You didn't stop and think when you made a sweeping generalisation about you caring about your child more than anyone else does about theirs...

But anyway, as others have said, if it's going to cause you great anxiety get a 1:1 nanny at least for a while so you can relax with someone else looking after your child. I know there are some horror stories out there about nurseries but there are far more good than bad. They really aren't interested in hurting children.

Your anxiety will ease over time as your child eats all sorts of gross things they pick up off the floor and puts themselves in all sorts of dangerous situations.

Your child could chole on anything cut up or not, it might help your child more if you work on your issues and not micromanage things

@Marblessolveeverything Well that makes me even more anxious.

No judgment here, we’re all different.

You're feeling uncomfortable so talk to them about your discomfort and talk things through until you feel more at ease.

He’s your little boy and this sounds to be the first time anyone else has regularly looked after him. You say he looks really happy when you go to collect him, so the last puzzle piece is for you to feel happy too.

I get it.

In time you'll trust them and adjust to a new routine and others looking after your child.

It is genuinely hard handing them over into someone else's care.
But, it done both my son and myself the world of good.

Solid Starts often has some helpful advice about how to serve foods, and they suggest halving grapes rather than quartering from 18 months: https://solidstarts.com/foods/grape/

Maybe you could try offering him some halved grapes at home to see how he handles them? It might put your mind at rest a little bit if you can see he's chewing and swallowing rather than stuffing them in and gulping them. If you are worried that he's not careful enough, you could always mention it to the staff so they can be aware and try to encourage chewing etc. during mealtimes.

#@Elisabeth3468 that wasn't my intention.To be honest the nurses I know are the opposite because they know how rare these incidents are.

You don't have to answer here, but have you been involved on cases? Generally my experience of medical professions swing the other way. Have you sought support?

@MsTada Thank you. That's a really good idea, will try him with the halved grapes at home. Hes generally a very careful eater and doesn't stuff food in luckily and I have coached him on chewing foods properly.

OP, you know what, I absolutely don't blame you for your comments on here. You're getting bashed for no reason. I think your point is more that people are probably naive for thinking nurseries are these amazing great places that always know what they're doing so never question. You're absolutely right to question and you honestly don't sound like a handful for giving a shit.

I'd just casually ask them. I'm a bit worried about halving grapes, we've had a close call in the past. Can you quarter them?

In hindsight, I wish that I had been able to afford a nanny or access a known childminder who was recommended to me.

Ignore the ever great offended on MN, you don't deserve that.

OP I had the same worries and quartered rather than halved grapes and cherry tomatoes at first. At the age of 2, though, ime halving is fine. Just saying this from the perspective of an equally anxious parent, so not dismissing you at all.

You need to seek help for your anxiety because you are being WAY OTT. They take care of children all day every day and I bet that none of them has choked to death. Relax.

@Marblessolveeverything as a nurse I've dealt with a lot of terrible things to be honest. No we don't really get support but it's probably why my anxiety is so high around these sorts of things. Life is precious.
Since I had my son though I have more anxiety than I used to. I hide it well and he doesn't seem to pick up on it like other posters have suggested. He's a very confident little dare devil.
And I'm surprisingly not one to wrap him in cotton wool. I always let him work things out himself and yes it comes with risk.
It's just hard handing the responsibility over to a person you don't even know.