What is the realm of normal when it comes to toddlers in restaurants?

[Ginspirational]

Every time we take DD who is 20 months to a restaurant, it doesn’t matter if we ply her with stickers, YouTube, travel connect 4(!) she just can’t sit still for more than 2 minutes. Within 5 minutes of us arriving she’s asking to get down and wants to run around, which obviously we don’t allow but we do take her outside if we’ve exhausted all options.

I seem to be surrounded by similar aged kids that sit so lovely and quietly whilst the adults around them sit and chat and think where have I gone wrong?! We continue to take her out to eat in the hope that it’s sort of teaching her how to act in those situations, but honestly should I just give up and try again in a years time? 😂

She does sit and eat nicely once food arrives! It’s just the in between bits that are painful.

Could you carry her around the restaurant? I do this with my youngest sometimes. Just walk around with her in my arms and take in the surroundings 'oooh look some birds out the window' etc. That way she's having a break from being at the table and getting a change of scenery but I'm still in control.

I think it depends what you perceive is calm. We are usually a whirlwind of colouring, stickers, books, watching cartoons, etc. Nothing seems to last long but we don’t let them run around the restaurant or interrupt other diners. Constant reminding and distracting seems to give us enough time to eat a meal. Not necessarily a peaceful one though!

Order immediate food to start before even looking at the menu. Just pop to the counter or ask the server for some bread and butter, or whatever. Or take your own. I also always ask them to bring the kids food as soon as it's ready rather than waiting for ours.

Mine were completely unable to do it.

We stopped going to restaurants until they were older.

Make sure you bring a sticker book, small toy etc.

have a Tupperware box of snacks that she can have before her meal.

Be firm and tell her than when we’re in a restaurant we sit at the table until we’re done. End of.

Just don't go to restaurants until they can behave.
It's only for a year or two or just go to a Harvester where it's anarchy and anything goes.

What doesn’t help is she has a cousin who’s a year older and has always been one of those lovely, placid children that will sit and play with the same train for an hour straight. Meanwhile we are interchanging colouring, sticker books, toys etc. It’s exhausting.

The breadsticks straight to the table/tupperware of snacks is a good tip though!

Talk to her. Involve her in your conversation and engage with her.

Mine were all very active at this age and would want to run around like you describe. If it helps, they're now lovely easy teens. I realise that's a while off for you though!

Snacks she can eat while waiting . We used to go to the Harvester so they could have loads of salad while waiting. We also had a box of mini figures that they loved. If this doesn’t work, stay home and get a takeaway.

Mine doesn't sit still for very long but we always wear him out before a meal. He needs to be physically tired to sit in a highchair. Then we also do the snacks.... Endless snacks. Before the meal, after the meal, in between the meal. Tbh he eats less of his main meal because of it but it's not a regular occurrence that we go for a meal because it's so stressful. Also take the grandparents and save some toys that are just for restaurants so they are more interesting. Other than that we live on a hope and a prayer and are pros at eating our food in 30 seconds.

Agree with ordering something, anything, as soon as you get there! We used to have a sort of plastic wallet of pub/restaurant stuff that had plenty of paper, pens, stickers, pipe cleaners etc but tbh at 20 months I think we just went to Wagamama and Wetherspoons and that was about it! As they got older we went to nicer places but I didn't expect too much very early on as they were just wriggly little buggers. I think once they were closer to 4ish it was much easier with card games, chatting, drawing etc. Even now (8 and 11) I am never without a notepad at a restaurant (or anywhere!) as they love playing the squares game, hangman etc.

I remember we had a good few years of us earnestly and repeatedly explaining that no, we didn't know when their food would arrive, as we had no magical omniscient knowledge and the kitchen staff and waiters would.be doing the best they could 😂

It really depends on the child - some are better able to sit than others! One of mine was ok if we entertained her with stickers, colouring etc and the other was a total nightmare who we just stopped taking till he got older.

I don’t think it’s a case of teaching them how to behave at restaurants. A 20mo wanting to run round isn’t misbehaving and won’t really understand. A 5 year old is obviously different but I don’t think you need to worry about that yet! If it’s stressful, don’t go!

One of mine would sit nicely for hours, the other goes wild after about 5 minutes. We tend to take lots of things to entertain her - books, colouring, and when all that fails the iPad. Snacks can keep her quiet until the food arrives too. We try to stick to family friendly places. It'll get better in the summer when we can sit outdoors too. I absolutely refuse to stop going out altogether but sometimes it feels like a lot of hassle.

sounds normal…

• I bring “complicated” baby snacks as amuse bouche

cheerios in snack cup - yes fruit roll up - no, it’s jammed into gob and gone in under 5 secs

• if just me and DH we order basically as we are seated to minimise wait time
• We eat mains ONLY
• and ask for bill when mains are brought to the table
• a little supervised walk around to explore once stickers and colouring has been exhausted
• We always go AFTER a big run around at park or similar. timing is everything…

A successful meal we are out in under 45 mins and it goes smoothly our strategy is to have good / positive experiences on short runs and lengthen over time.

Haha @GreatGateauxsby this is perfect.

DH and I are experts at a swift meal now, but when we do go out it’s usually with grandparents that take forever to order and then decide ooo let’s get a coffee AFTER dessert. Meanwhile I’m restraining a building tornado in the corner, it’s just not fun for anyone 😂

Do you sit at the table at home?

Do you allow running around at home?

@Estellaa we do sit at the table at home but she’s put in the high chair as food is being put onto the table, and the 3 of us usually finish at the same time and she gets straight down so not really an issue at home.

Practice sitting at the table for longer then, as a pp said, engage in conversation etc, that will be the best way to increase her table manners, I'd imagine.

I really think a huge part is their temperament, DD1 was one of those beautifully behaved children that could sit still for a full 3 hours without a peep, but DD2 would get wriggly quickly. Both same unbringing!

we tend to take duplo and magnet tiles too now, keeps her occupied for a bit longer. Lots of chat and games too.

I didn’t take mine to eat out at that age, I just didn’t find it fun. We did have ‘date night’ every now and then on our own though. Some dc are less lively and will sit with a sticker book or colouring but mine were not like that.
If you do go, take fiddly time consuming food for them to have straight away. Also take whatever will occupy them, ie colouring, sticker book, iPad etc. Have a main course and one drink, pay and scarper.

I have 4-year-old twins and I will only take them to places with a play area now. In summer there are some nice options, as plenty of country pubs etc have an outdoor play area. I totally agree that it all depends on the child. I have friends whose small children have always sat beautifully throughout a meal, and others are more like mine... An absolute hurricane, no matter what we bring to placate them. It's just not worth going out for a meal with them to be honest. Nobody has a nice time!!

Radical but I’ve found no activities work better. You end up having to change them and it escalates in engagement levels needed until it then takes a device.

So we now take nothing and just chat and it works much better. Generally always goes smoothly. Might not be for everyone but worth mentioning as it works better for us.

The amuse bouche is key as @GreatGateauxsby recommends.

My dd clicked restaurants about age 3y3m and now she's pretty good in them.

What works for us...

Stick to a rotation of familiar restaurants.

Choose places that are likely to be either practically deserted, or full of other young families.

Counter intuitively, my 3yo dd is better behaved if you take her alone (baby doesn't count, I mean no other adults). She likes to have undivided attention.

Dont just plonk crayons and kids menu down and hope. Do activities like, I'll draw a vegetable and you work out what it is. Let's circle every letter X we see on the page. Etc.

We look at things around the room and comment on them eg wall displays, sometimes even what other people are eating etc.

We like pizza express because they give you cucumber and dough balls almost immediately (and there's one that happens to be near us). At lunchtime we have two pubs that are usually all but deserted so we use those too.

YABU. You CANNOT expect a 20mins to sit still. Educate yourself on what they need at this stage: movement.