What is the realm of normal when it comes to toddlers in restaurants?

[Ginspirational]

Every time we take DD who is 20 months to a restaurant, it doesn’t matter if we ply her with stickers, YouTube, travel connect 4(!) she just can’t sit still for more than 2 minutes. Within 5 minutes of us arriving she’s asking to get down and wants to run around, which obviously we don’t allow but we do take her outside if we’ve exhausted all options.

I seem to be surrounded by similar aged kids that sit so lovely and quietly whilst the adults around them sit and chat and think where have I gone wrong?! We continue to take her out to eat in the hope that it’s sort of teaching her how to act in those situations, but honestly should I just give up and try again in a years time? 😂

She does sit and eat nicely once food arrives! It’s just the in between bits that are painful.

What do you do at home? Mine sat in the high chair from 6 months for family meals (we always ate together) so eating out was no different really. If you don't expect them to sit still at home then they won't be used to it when eating out. I'm not criticising families who eat differently, just an observation that kids don't magically get well behaved just because it's a restaurant, it's because every meal is taken at the table and they are used to it

Agree with this. Talk to your child. Put the screens away. Put the coloring books away. Chat about what you are seeing.

You have a child you can't take to a restaurant yet. Some can at this age and some can't.

Won't be long til she's able to join you.

Most people don't make a big occasion of meals at home, sitting waiting for everyone to arrive, choosing from the menu, ordering, then sitting waiting for its arrival, etc., and there's no need for the quiet or staying in seats because there aren't strangers whose meals will be interrupted by that.

We also engaged with them talking, colouring, puzzles, age appropriate games ... no screens then as hadn't been invented. Can't remember ever having an issue with either. Took them once to a place with ball pond and climbing (with their cousins on a visit) and dd1 was really upset because kids were breaking the rules of no getting down from the table, never went to one again (dd is autistic and they are very loud)

Sounds completely normal. I remember finding it very stressful and exhausting, despite training my toddler from age one ish by going to cafes and practising using highchairs, sitting quietly, etc.! We just gave up and made sure we stuck to less formal restaurants (Pizza Hut!) for a bit. It passes quickly.

Pizza Hut is a good shout as you get your salad starlight away and there are things like tortillas chips, raisins etc

'Educate yourself' - how incredibly patronising and unhelpful.

We’ve taken our child to restaurants since birth. Because, selfishly, we love eating out!! We move never really had an issue and ours is a complete whirlwind, but we always chat, bring books, small toys, make sure there is something immediately if there is a big group of us (food wise).

I think it’s just down to the temperament of the child. My first was fine having a chat and colouring in, my second was a live wire who did not have it in him to sit it one place for long periods (he’s a teen and still doesn’t). If your child is an active one stick to family type places, beer gardens with play areas and anywhere that is tailored to them rather than you. It’s torture otherwise.

So you need to educate the grandparents. Is it your parents or DH's? If the latter then when things are coming to a head DH needs to leave the table with the DC. Then you kick back with a coffee/glass of wine etc. He will end up so P'd off he'll talk them out of it. If iits yours just plaster a smile on your face and say "You enjoy your coffee - DC has sat through the meal so far but really needs to go now so we'll be leaving. If they object just rinse and repeat and say that next time perhaps they could order coffee with their pudding to avoid the issue.

Just don't bother until she's 3 or 4!

We take 20m DD2 out for brunch on occasion - I'm aware it's difficult for her so we do it sparingly, a few times a year for birthdays or on holiday. She has always been fine with it (and DD1 was too). We tend to do brunch as restaurants often don't open for lunch until 12, and then food might not arrive until 12.30, which is too late and she'd be too hungry (her lunch is always at 12). So brunch is more like an early lunch for her. We tend to avoid dinner unless we need to eat out for practical reasons (won't get home in time).

We bring story books (or some of the nicer cafes will have their own which is more exciting) and small toys, but no screens or stickers. We interact with the dcs throughout, there's always something interesting going on to chat about or something novel like sucking on the lime from my drink.

This

They seem to manage it in Spain, usually about 10pm 🤷‍♀️

I think this is just too young to sit nicely for any length of time tbh. For vast majority of children of that age anyway.

My youngest is 2yrs 5 months and only now starting to get easier to eat out with but even then I have very low expectations and will only really go to certain places. It's usually not very enjoyable and we don't have a lot of money so I don't want to waste it on rushed meals out trying to desperately make sure the toddler doesn't disturb anyone else. I agree kids need to be taken places to learn how to behave but that's easier for them as they get a big bigger. DC1 from about 3 was miles easier to take out for a meal, sadly they're a terrible eater though so that also is difficult.

We mostly used to go to restaurants that we knew would be successful, such as ones with playgrounds outside. Think we may have taken the odd thing to do, but we would have to engage with it with them constantly, they wouldn’t just sit and be happily occupied. And walking around, outside or whatever while waiting for the food. It wasn’t relaxing but it worked ok.

This ,the most sensible reply! Any child younger do not understand the environment. Go for MacDonalds where you can eat and introduce sociable eating….small steps…

This is not a fair comparison. In countries like Spain and Italy they still have the mentality of "it takes a village". Their culture and communities are set up to deal with young children eating out with families in this way.

Not that I've seen, families sit at tables with their well behaved children all evening, there's no village involved in that, the children don't create and carry on and need to be removed, by the parent or this 'village'. European children are far much better behaved, from what I see.

From the staff point of view this would drive them nuts. Sit down and keep out of their way or don’t take children to restaurants until they are old enough to stay at the table.

Totally normal OP I’ve done restaurant work and childcare for years and wouldn’t expect to see a mobile 1 year old sitting quietly at the table. They’re always up and about with (exasperated) parents being dragged round the restaurant while grandparents/childless friends sit and dilly dally over coffee/dessert. I don’t even have children and feel annoyed for the parents who clearly just want to eat then leave 😂

@ohdamnitjanet as staff in a restaurant I really do not care as long as the parent/child gets out my way when I’m carrying plates/drinks (which they usually do). I don’t care what they’re doing as long as they’re not screaming or throwing peas all over the floor 😂
Although on that topic, people that choose to push a buggy around the restaurant to get child to sleep does my head in. Go outside!!!

Fair enough! The buggy thing would also drive me insane, but as staff I don’t like dogs in restaurants either so maybe it’s just me 😆

My DD was the same at this age and I'll be honest I just stopped going out for food! She's just over 2 now and suddenly sits well when we go out for a good 20 mins, if food isn't there by then though she starts getting a bit bored but we then get colouring out to distract. Sorry I've been zero help but it will get better!