What is the realm of normal when it comes to toddlers in restaurants?

[Ginspirational]

Every time we take DD who is 20 months to a restaurant, it doesn’t matter if we ply her with stickers, YouTube, travel connect 4(!) she just can’t sit still for more than 2 minutes. Within 5 minutes of us arriving she’s asking to get down and wants to run around, which obviously we don’t allow but we do take her outside if we’ve exhausted all options.

I seem to be surrounded by similar aged kids that sit so lovely and quietly whilst the adults around them sit and chat and think where have I gone wrong?! We continue to take her out to eat in the hope that it’s sort of teaching her how to act in those situations, but honestly should I just give up and try again in a years time? 😂

She does sit and eat nicely once food arrives! It’s just the in between bits that are painful.

Maybe we're the exception not the norm but my DD who is just over 2 years old managed a 60th birthday meal, 3 courses and 2.5 hours in length the other week.

We just had various toys and stickers for her. Some Peppa Pig on silent (to not annoy other customers) may have been a last resort on our mobile but that wasn't needed.

We have been eating at home at the table for meals since she was old enough to sit in a high chair and i go out with 2 other ladies and their same aged children every Monday to various cafes and restaurants so i suppose she's just used to it. Plus it may also be her temperament.

It’s survivorship bias !

You only see the toddlers who are placid enough for their parents to brave a restaurant trip - the rest of us swear off taking our kids out!

It's her temperament

20 months is still very little and she is still learning. Keep going and it will gradually get better, you are doing everything right 😊 just don't expect to have relaxed meals out for a while!

Mine are well behaved in restaurants but we run it with military precision and they’ve been eating out weekly since babies, except during covid with DD1 and actually it was hard to get back into afterwards so I really think doing it more helps.

So before we go to the restaurant it’s always fresh air and exercise, even it the weather isn’t great it’s still waterproofs on and jumping in puddles, them home for a change! When we arrive order something snacky like a bread basket to come immediately and an apple juice. They don’t normally get juice so this a big treat, and combined with the bread, plus some colouring they’re happy. I have a special set of pens and books only for restaurants such they’re excited. They have mains when we have starters, they have pudding (again something they don’t usually get at home) whilst we have mains. Usually we skip desert but if it’s a big family thing and they’re expecting to stay longer then I don’t mind them playing a silent game on the ipad but it’s never ever before or during food and only if we’re hitting the 2 hour mark.

Also yours is still a bit young but 2+ and I find going out to eat with others who have kids around the same age really helps as they copy each other and play together so you can relax a bit more whilst they entertain each other.

Oh wow, thank you everyone - some amazing tips.

I guess for those saying just engage her etc - I don't just chuck some colouring at her and hope for the best. We chat to her (she can only say about 70 words at the moment), talk to her about the stickers 'oh which one shall we choose - where do you want to put it etc' and the same with games/colouring.

She does sit in her high chair for meals at home but this isn't a problem as we pop her in when food is on the table and she gets down with us when we're finished.

I also definitely don't let her run riot! If we're at 'get me out of this chair or I'm going to blow' stage, DH or I will take her outside to run off some steam. I can't wait for beer garden season so that she can at least run around outside!

And yes - I also think it's very much down to her temperament. She's been an 'on the go' child since very little, so maybe we just need to be a bit more accepting of that too :)

Thanks everyone, definitely made me feel better!

Normal. Waste of time and money, more exhausting than being home too

This is why I only recently started taking my kids out for food regularly (7 and 10)

We had similar - in the end we had to just avoid restaurants until they hit 4 and it was a lot easier.

Whatever you do, don't be one of these twats who blares out YouTube for surrounding tables to hear - we always had the 'headphones or no volume' rule but it's a shame others weren't so considerate.

Dh and I have ate out at least once a week since dd was born. She's been used to it. She's always been generally well behaved but we did bring activities and just engaged with her. As she got older we'd bring a pack of cards.

You need to firmly manage the grandparents' expectations.

Tell them well ahead of the meal - not when you're all at the restaurant - that you won't be having dessert or coffee, it's completely out of the question, so sorry, etc., and you're sure they understand, having been parents themselves/ it's so hard for LO when she's getting tired.

I wouldn't walk around a restaurant with a toddler (even carrying them). It's not considerate to other patrons or to the staff to have someone walking around.

Similar to what others say, we’ve got a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old and we always go to eat at a family pub/bistro place after we’ve exhausted her first, I go and order whilst DH gets them settled and our food is usually out quickly. She will get testy if the wait is too long so it’s a fine line between hungry and HANGRY for us. Give her a snack whilst we are waiting!

and honestly, sometimes we let her watch something on our phone (volume off) or we will read a story etc.

I remember my girls being a nightmare at that age in restaurants.

I would say it got better when they get to around 3 years olds.

We used to take colours, stickers, play-doh, chocolate/treats. It occasionally worked, but on the whole was just a nightmare.

I also agree with the advice to leave the stickers and crayons and all the rest of the entertaining/ distracting activities at home.

Feeding a perceived need for constant entertainment or distraction is a terrible habit to get into. Toddlers are not little beings who just need to burn off energy, eat, sleep, and run. They have five senses, and outings can engage them all.

At 20 months, your DD will be able to find her environment interesting - most environments are new and exciting to a toddler - and you can chat together.

You're not going to have a pleasant grown-up dinner when out with a toddler. It's a teaching experience for parents. If you want dinner on your own as a couple, hire a babysitter.

If you start out with the expectation that your LO sits and chats and takes an interest in her surroundings, it will get easier as time goes on. If you start with the distraction/ entertainment, you'll find it much more difficult to train her to engage with you and with her surroundings later.

Yeah this!! I only started braving meals out recently. My children are 5 and almost 2. We have done it for family gatherings a handful of times when there are an army of adults and cousins to help, but I couldn't call it relaxing.

I agree with others, some of it I think is temperament. My DS will mostly behave if we go out to eat, but we try to manage the environment as much as possible. Ie we eat at very family friendly places.

However at Christmas my sister booked a family meal at the most un kid friendly pub. I was very stressed, but we managed. We got my parents to just order mains and have them come out with our starters (as they eat so slow), we ordered my DS a meal as soon as we got to the table, and gave him some snacks till it arrived. We had some exciting new toys for him - including one of those water colouring books. We also took him for a walk between courses, although keeping him away from the open fire was tough!

Honestly I was prepped to bail out if he started kicking off, it was a posh pub and I could feel the judgemental stares of the surrounding tables, but he behaved so much better than I expected! I have however said that I’ll pick the next restaurant!

My daughter was a waitress and said there's nothing worse than kids running around when you're carrying hot food to a table, especially in the Mexican restaurant where she worked and was carrying sizzling platters.
People seemed to think that it was her job to avoid their kids, not the other way around.

Take them swimming in the morning before going out for lunch. Be there as service opens (12pm) so the wait for food isn't too bad and not far off when they normally eat. Be prepared to bail after one course.

Maybe offer her a light snack before the meal comes so she stays seated for some time
But overall lower your expectations

I think some people think their parenting allows them to take a 20 month old to a restaurant but I think that is hilarious! My DS has been taken to restaurants since birth, like lots of parents I found that easy because he was a tiny baby who slept a lot. As an 18 month old however he cannot be in a restaurant. He will rock his high chair back and forth, throw anything in reach and screech until we let him out. He couldn't care less about sticker books and colouring 😂or snacks or the food. He just will not do it. My friends have toddlers the same age that they are taking on 4 hour train journeys and out for 2 hour Sunday roasts. We live in totally different worlds! My DH and I love our toddler just as he is and if that means grabbing a sandwich and taking out that's what we do. It's just for a couple years.

I think the parents who can take their toddlers out for a meal but still call them a whirlwind are kinda off. You can't take whirlwinds for a restaurant meal!