5.5m of hell. Losing the will

[NewMomma21]

I don’t know what I’m looking for in this post. Maybe some solidarity or hope from others who’ve been through similar

My son is 5.5m old. He has cried constantly for the entire time and I am barely able to cope anymore. He has been assessed medically and although he has silent reflux, nothing else of concern has been identified. I’ve taken him for a second opinion to rule out CMPA and again nothing out of the ordinary has been noted.

He cries, complains and grumbles from one end of the day to the other. I get max 3 mins out of him in a given position or activity before he cries again.

I have tried everything, meds for reflux, osteopathy, slings and carriers, baby massage, putting him on solids. Nothing works and we lurch from one calamitous day to another.

My previously tidy house is a mess. I barely get time to make dinner. I am just so thoroughly done with listening to him cry all day every day unless in my arms. I am exhausted and consumed with regret over choosing to have a second child and guilt that this is how I feel. I have wonderful help and support from my DM who often comes over to help with him but she can’t be here all the time.

Will this ever get easier?

I’m open to suggestions on routine and tiredness. I do wonder though could he be tired all the fine continuously for almost 6 months?
He wakes between 6.30 and 7. Dressed and bottle
First nap around 8.30-9.30-10 followed by bottle
Lunch at 12.00 then a nap usually until 1.30/2
followed by a bottle
Last nap 4pm for about 45 mins
Dinner at 4.45
Bottle 6.30 and bed shortly after at 7

That’s actually loads of sleep. I don’t think it’s a tiredness issue.

The continuous of the unsettledness to me sounds to me much more like silent reflux or allergies to me rather than tiredness

We didn't get my daughter my daughter's reflux managed until we treated her food allergies and had the maximum medication for her reflux

Hi there. Thanks for your reply. He is on the max dosage of losec for his weight and it is reviewed monthly. Did your daughter have CMPA?

She has a dairy allergy but is also allergic to 19 other foods!

Omperazole on its own isn't enough of my daughter. She needed 3mg/kg omperazole. 9.sachets of gaviscon a day and domperidone 3 times a day. She is 3 now and has 40mg omperazole, gaviscon in any drinks after 3pm and domperidone once a day but that might be going back up to 3 times a day. At 9kg if his omperazole is still being adjusted for weight he is not on the maximum dose. The maximum dose for under 2s is 3mg/kg or 20mg total dose. Once they get passed 6.67kg at the highest dose it can't be increased any further as they reach 20mg.

Divide the dose you give by his weight. That gives you the dosage. It will be between 0.7 and 3. If it's under 3 speak to your prescribing doctor for a medication review as you might be suitable for a higher dose but only a Dr can decide where on the 0.7 to 3 mg/kg you should be.

Are you under a paediatrician? GPs are limited in what they can prescribe, the domperidone can only be prescribed by paediatricians.

Hi @NewMomma21
How’s your little one doing now? I have a 5 month old DS who is so clingy that I can’t her anything done. I cannot leave him with ANYONE not even his dad, he goes ballistic. I just want a magical solution which would make him more easy going and less clingy:-(.

Does he have a dummy? I know some people are very anti-dummy (no idea why!) but I’ve found they really are a god send for grumpy babies. Sucking really soothes babies and can release pain from reflux.

Sorry I see you’ve already answered this. My friend had a baby like this, just cried and cried and cried constantly, was nothing wrong medically. It did settle eventually and he’s a lovely 3 year old now. Huge hand hold for you though it’s tough ❤️

Hi there,

Im so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It’s so intense. I hope you have good support?

My LO is now 8 months and while he has improved in some ways he is still a very high needs baby. He doesn’t like being away from me. Still very cranky and cries more than typical. I think a lot of the time he is frustrated and bored and wants to get going and have some autonomy. I’ve resigned myself to him being a year before things improve significantly. He enjoys being out in the garden and going for walks where there is plenty to look at. He especially enjoys playing alongside his brother now he can sit independently.

it’s so hard, I wish I had better advice but it does get easier. Sending you lots of support

Sorry to hear this. I've been there and it nearly broke me, and the rest of the family. Went through all the reflux/ allergy stuff, Didnt solve anything. Turns out over 10 years later the crier is autistic. In hindsight, I wonder if it was over stimulation/ hyper sensitivity to sensory stuff. No advice except to say, think really carefully about the sensory aspects of life.

Hi OP @NewMomma21 I'm wondering if things got any better for you? I'm in a very similar position with my second DD - currently 2 months old and the reflux is killing us. Constant screaming, DD2 isn't just silent reflux though she also vomits constantly. I'm so exhausted from the constant clothes changes and everything smelling of baby sick!! Our house looks like a bomb has gone off, nothing gets done as she needs holding constantly (not that it cheers her up) and I miss my DD1 so much who I feel gets none of our time and, when she does, we're so short tempered/exhausted and boring for her now. She's such a good girl though and doesn't show it! Have things got any easier? I'm feeling so much guilt and regret, if she'd been our first I don't think we'd have had a second baby!!!

Just to add, she's full term - born 3 days before her due date! So we never thought we'd have so many issues with her tummy/reflux. Currently trialling dairy free as the doctor thinks it's CMPA as she has had bad nappy rash and cradle cap since 3 weeks old too (my eldest was also a CMPA baby but thankfully grown out of it now)

Hi there,

Im sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I also had intense feelings of regret and although I feel really guiltily about it I think it’s normal when you are put so unexpectedly into a traumatic situation. I say that because having a baby that cries all the time is very traumatic!! Good to hear you are trying to get to the bottom of your DDs issues with reflux. It’s so hard to see your DC so unhappy.

For us improvement has been very gradual. DS is 15m now. An improvement came with walking, he is on his way to talking and I imagine he will improve again with that. Honestly there was no magic fix for us. He doesn’t cry all day every day like he used to, but he is still temperamental. For DS I think reflux, hating being a baby and a more challenging temperament produced a perfect storm and one that only time could resolve.

DS first year was the hardest time of my life. It continues to be challenging but not nearly as much as it was. My advice would be to try get a break as much as you can. Personally I think getting out of the house is better, for me if I tried down time at home no matter where I went I could hear his crying. It was a constant sensory overload. As soon as I let go of things improving at x month or y month I was happiest because I didn’t have to experience the intense disappointment of things not improving. It is so so hard and I really think only people who have been through having a high needs baby can understand. I hope things get better for you and DD soon

So pleased to hear things are starting to get better for you and your DS. I agree, a lot of my friends and family don't get it - and there's lots of well meaning, but very unhelpful, comments from them.

I could never have imagined just how hard DD2 would be - with our first I sort of understood why her silent reflux was so bad. She had a very traumatic birth and then was a tiny 5lbs 3ozs, antibiotics, in hospital for a week etc. With DD2 she was born massive, pretty much full term, elective section but no issues. So we really thought we were in for a more chilled start and no issues... Oh how wrong we were!! She has surpassed her big sister with the screaming, reflux, generally grumpiness and being a complete velcro baby!! And I feel awful thinking it and so guilty on the days where I just question why we ever thought two was a good idea 🙈. But then I see my eldest give her a kiss and I think I just want to get to the stage where she's walking or even crawling and hopefully it'll get better.

I'm rambling now, not sure what I'm getting at but it feels nice to know there's light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for the advice, have been trying to make sure I get out each day - still finding it hard when she starts screaming whilst out 🙈 but trying to persevere and keep going as she definitely calms more once we're out. I hope things continue to improve for your DS - I'm sure we'll look back one day and this will all be a distant memory!! 🙈🙏🏼