Bedroom issue and squabbling sisters

[Needaspa]

My girls are 10 and 6 and constantly squabbling in the mornings at weekends about the younger one being in the older one's bedroom. My 10 year old always gets quite fired up and angry about the situation, the 6 year old ends up crying and I've had enough.

The 10 year old is in the biggest bedroom in the house as it's an awkward shape which wouldn't easily take two wardrobes so me and her dad had the smaller of the bigger rooms which is more square. Therefore the bigger toys such as the ridiculously large barbie dream house is in her room. The other two bedrooms are small, but not tiny. My second daughter has everything she needs in her room- midsleeper, wardrobe, drawers and toy box with more toys underneath the midsleeper but no large toys.

Both girls love their barbies. The younger one just wants to be with the older one all the time and the older one just constantly wants to be left alone as she's definitely hormonal. The older one is now saying that the younger daughter can't play in her room in the mornings. Even though she has all the best toys. The room is even split into her area and the "play area" with a door inbetween each area on one side of the wall so it's clearly marked however my eldest daughter now has an issue with my younger daughter being noisy on the play room side each morning as she likes to read in the quiet. I suspect she potentially has some sort of neurodiversity too.

The fourth bedroom is an office which I use most days for work, it also has a single bed and wardrobe in there aswell as a large desk so there is no room to put the larger toys in there either.

I am tired of waking up to screaming and shouting at weekends. I've tried convincing my younger daughter to come into me and watch TV when she first wakes up but all she wants to do is play barbies with the bigger toys in her sister's room. I've now suggested moving my older daughter into the office and having her large room as a playroom/my office to make it equal but my older daughter point blank refuses because she couldn't have a double bed anymore. She also had her room decorated only 9 months ago for her birthday and loves it in there.

What is the solution here? I'm guessing that my older daughter is going to get more grumpy now and eventually won't want to play with her sister. My younger daughter won't play on her own and wants my older daughter to play with her all the time. Does anyone have any solutions? To add, the large barbie toys mostly belong to my older daughter too so it's not easy for me to take them away and put them somewhere else for my younger daughter.

I'd just like a peaceful weekend morning😩

Does anyone have a solution?

At 6 your younger DD is old enough to understand boundaries and let your older daughter have some time to herself. It feels like you lay a lot of the blame for the ruin of your peaceful mornings on your older DD by saying she is hormonal and grumpy. I would not be in the best mood if I am woken up and nagged to play. If you are waking up to screaming, what time is the younger waking the older one?

I think you need to have a sit down with the older DD as ask her to help come up with a plan since they are technically her large toys. I would agree a time that the youngest is allowed into her sister and there would be consequences if she wakes her early.

If both of them love the barbies and are happy to share them apart from first thing in the morning, could the dream house be in the living room?

Can you put your desk into the bigger room and have the smaller one as a playroom?

Do you need the wardrobe and bed in the office? I’d probably try and move one of those out (get rid if not needed?) and put the Barbie house in there.

To answer posts so far:

My younger daughter is waiting until 7.30am to go into her sister. Neither of them want to rush downstairs and eat breakfast at weekends and prefer a slower morning or play/reading upstairs which quite suits me too. I don't think that 7.30 is unreasonable. The older one has all the best things- bigger room, bigger, better toys but won't allow them to go to other rooms either so she is being quite inflexible.

I have suggested moving the dreamhouse but eldest says absolutely not. Also, they would never want to go downstairs to play with it on weekend mornings, both like being upstairs as long as possible I have to drag them down for breakfast.

All furniture in the office is fixed. Fixes desk with cupboard units and built in wardrobe so none of that furniture can be moved. I need the single bed in there as it's where DH sleeps (another story).

The barbie dream house could fit on the landing or downstairs. My eldest refuses either and gets upset about me moving it out of her room which I understand as it's hers. But she won't understand that she has the better deal having the bigger room and bigger better toys and is now reluctant to share anything with her sister.

What have hormones got to do with being left alone?

You are being incredibly unfair why does she have to have her sister around?

They may be related but have their own needs

Why can't the barbie thing go in the sitting room? The younger sister needs to stay out of her room unless invited in

You are the parent
Your older Dd does not dictate where the best toys are kept and when those toys can be played with.
You take control of the situation and parent your children

Can you move your office/single bed into the playroom side of the older ones room? So she keeps her side, but the playroom moves to the office space.

I'd also look at getting the six year old her own Barbie toys. When's her birthday? Maybe she needs her own dream house.

It seems like there is a lot of different issues to unpack.

For the six year old; 7:30am is too early, she shouldn't disturb her sister until at least 9am. She also needs to learn to play by herself and to respect her sister's boundaries.

For the ten year old; she needs to compromise somewhere, she can't have the best room, the best toys and completely refuse to move or share. If she doesn't like the sharing then she can move to the smaller room. If she doesn't want to move then she can suck up the sharing. Give her two clear options and let her choose.

I get where older DD is coming from she is getting older now and will want her own personal space. 7.30 is early and really not fair on your older DD. By the same token older DD can't have it both ways. If older DD does not want younger DD in the room that's fine it's her space. But the dream house will have to go into a communal area .

Your younger DD needs to be told to leave older DD alone. It sounds like older DD is happy to play with younger DD but just not so early in the morning. So maybe it's a time thing more than anything?

I agree with PPs - your elder daughter needs to compromise. She can't insist on keeping the toys, but refuse access to the toys. I completely understand her wanting her own space, but her own space with toys she's not even playing with isn't fair.

I would swap the 'practical' stuff from DD2's room (wardrobe, chest of drawers) into the 'play' part of DD1's room (so it's still demarcated) and move Barbie into DD2's room. I bet DD2 wouldn't have an issue with DD1 coming in to play with it when she wants to.

10 year old needs to compromise. She can't have everything her own way.

If the best toys belong to the 10yo then she shouldn't have to share especially early in the am. Get your 6yo best toys as well.
If they are shared toys, then give your 10y the choice of letting sister come in to play with them when she wants or putting shared toys in an accessible place at night so 6yo can get them early.

The girls have a small room each the large odd shape room becomes playroom/office/spare room

Move eldest into the smaller bedroom so she can read in peace and met the younger one have the bigger room so she can play with the toys. At the moment the eldest one wants everything her own way.

You have a choice you either put your foot down with the ten year old or change the rooms around, which will cost you money. It's not fair to keep toys away from the younger one for no reason, it's also a bit odd to have the younger one's toys in the older's bedroom, and for the term year old to have to get up when the six year old wants to play , you're basically having the ten year old sleep in the playroom

Can the playhouse not go downstairs for a while

I would move dd1 to the office and have a play/office room.

Fwiw i have one child that really needs private space so she has the smallest room (other child fine with her hanging out in his room which is larger).

I also have a rule that "all toys are sharing toys" regardlesss of who received them (small things like a special barbie or train can be for not sharing but big stuff is shared or binned - i dont want 2 x doll houses in my house!) My DD received a dreamhouse for xmas but it's in a communal space to be shared as a batman holiday cottage 🙃

You’re putting a lot on your older DD here. She’s expected to allow access to her ( not shared, her own) toys because they’re the best toys. She’s expected to play with her younger sister at a time you ( not she) deems acceptable. She’s not allowed to want her own room to be her own private space.

Shes growing up, you need to recognise this rather than label her “grumpy and hormonal” You need to focus on supporting both of your daughters in how to negotiate this, rather than your primary concern being that the arguments are annoying to you.

“All toys are sharing toys” is really unfair. How would you feel as an adult if I came you your house and wanted to borrow your car because “sharing” or sleep in your bed because “it’s my turn”.

i totally get not wanting two big items like dream houses, but that should be addressed at the outset ( with it being a joint gift to stay with). In this case, the OP has said that the dream house belongs to DD1.

Well luckily for me it works for our family!

This plus take the bigger room for you and your DH. I would never give my DC a larger room than myself.

I’d buy the younger DC her own big barbie toys, preferably slightly different design if there is one - look for a second hand one on marketplace if it’s not near her birthday. And put them in a different place where there is room.

Why has the oldest one got the best of everything? Can the younger one not have some prized toys of her own?

Bedroom access is by invite only in this house. And you need to ask if you want to use something belonging to your brother.

I agree. If your younger DD wants a dream house then can’t she have one for next birthday/Christmas? You’re pushing for your oldest to share her room, her toys because they’re the “best”. I don’t think many adults would be impressed at being told they have to share all their things with a sibling because they got better stuff. She’s getting older and is wanting her own space which is normal. Work on helping them to negotiate something that works for them both, or get the youngest a dream house. Your older DD probably won’t be playing with it much longer anyway tbh.

Why not ? I would and have in the past . Why does an adult need a bigger room. Just to sleep in . Kids play. Adults just sleep. So kids need more space than adults