Bedroom issue and squabbling sisters

[Needaspa]

My girls are 10 and 6 and constantly squabbling in the mornings at weekends about the younger one being in the older one's bedroom. My 10 year old always gets quite fired up and angry about the situation, the 6 year old ends up crying and I've had enough.

The 10 year old is in the biggest bedroom in the house as it's an awkward shape which wouldn't easily take two wardrobes so me and her dad had the smaller of the bigger rooms which is more square. Therefore the bigger toys such as the ridiculously large barbie dream house is in her room. The other two bedrooms are small, but not tiny. My second daughter has everything she needs in her room- midsleeper, wardrobe, drawers and toy box with more toys underneath the midsleeper but no large toys.

Both girls love their barbies. The younger one just wants to be with the older one all the time and the older one just constantly wants to be left alone as she's definitely hormonal. The older one is now saying that the younger daughter can't play in her room in the mornings. Even though she has all the best toys. The room is even split into her area and the "play area" with a door inbetween each area on one side of the wall so it's clearly marked however my eldest daughter now has an issue with my younger daughter being noisy on the play room side each morning as she likes to read in the quiet. I suspect she potentially has some sort of neurodiversity too.

The fourth bedroom is an office which I use most days for work, it also has a single bed and wardrobe in there aswell as a large desk so there is no room to put the larger toys in there either.

I am tired of waking up to screaming and shouting at weekends. I've tried convincing my younger daughter to come into me and watch TV when she first wakes up but all she wants to do is play barbies with the bigger toys in her sister's room. I've now suggested moving my older daughter into the office and having her large room as a playroom/my office to make it equal but my older daughter point blank refuses because she couldn't have a double bed anymore. She also had her room decorated only 9 months ago for her birthday and loves it in there.

What is the solution here? I'm guessing that my older daughter is going to get more grumpy now and eventually won't want to play with her sister. My younger daughter won't play on her own and wants my older daughter to play with her all the time. Does anyone have any solutions? To add, the large barbie toys mostly belong to my older daughter too so it's not easy for me to take them away and put them somewhere else for my younger daughter.

I'd just like a peaceful weekend morning😩

Does anyone have a solution?

So the 10 yo gets told 'tough luck' you can lose your bed or your toys? Its not fair on the 6yo not getting to play on her demand so the 10yo gets upheaval?
That's a great way to create a horrible sibling dynamic!

In a year or so, she will need a quiet study space, not trying to do homework in the playroom. Its nit a sustainable solution for either of thdm

Is a stud wall, or just a room divider an option?

He bed and her decorated room which was her last birthday gift.

I agree that who has which bedroom is an adult decision, but the OP said that DD1 was originally put there to suit her and DH. As this has now changed the OP needs to find a way to balance DD losing her decoration if she goes down that route.

Switch bedrooms younger one gets bigger bedroom but has all the toys.

Your 10 year old needs to learn to compromise. If she doesn’t want to be woken at 7:30 on a Saturday then it’s in her best interests for the dream house to move to a communal area. She’s not losing the toy or giving it away, she still gets to play with it.

Why can’t the six year old learn that she doesn’t always get what she wants when she wants? Why can’t the six year old learn to compromise - the compromise to wanting to play with her sister’s toy in her sister’s room being that she has to wait until her sister is awake?

7.30 is too early for young DC to go in. I would change that to 9 or 9.30. I would let younger DC have control of the TV downstairs for that time so they wouldn't be too unhappy hopefully. Later in the day older DC will have to compromise on sharing. Sounds like they have the best room and the best toys so a little compromise wouldn't hurt.

Put older DD in the smaller bedroom as Nd you get DD in the larger room with toys. That way elder DD can choose when to go into her younger sister's room to access the toys or to stay in her own smaller room quietly reading.

Why don't you give your younger DD toys of equal value/appeal? Why do you give the "best" toys always to your elder DD? I think you are causing the issues by not giving your younger DD nicer/bigger toys.

They’re not “the” toys, they’re DD1’s toys that she has already said she wants to keep in her own room She shouldn’t have to give them up just to keep the peaceful weekend mornings that OP values.

Yes, lots of people seem to be missing this bit. And if the 10 year old is going to secondary this September, she could rapidly lose interest in Barbie anyway.

I think this is an unfair situation for the elder sister. She should be able to have her space and things. Until she's ready to give up the dream house I'd say younger sister plays in her own room with her own Barbie's or buy a second dream house

That really is not fair though. The dream house belongs to the older child. Yes it is nice for her to share, but it is wrong to take it off her.

All toys are sharing toys? That is awful. Children are entitled to their own personal property. Especially things that were gifted to them. They are not yours, you have no right to make that rule.

Leave her be and tell your six year old that mornings are a no go and to respect other people's space. Being forced to share your own space and possessions with a younger sibling only breeds resentment.

I’d swap the old DD into a smaller room, either swap the girls’ rooms or swap the olde one into your office.

So because the younger one can't respect her sisters need for privacy and quiet in her own bedroom and insists on playing with her sisters toys early in the morning, the older sister gets punished by both her bedroom and her personal toys being removed from her?

I mean, that's one way to bring a daughter up to believe her needs have to come last and that it's okay for her to be punished as a consequence for others poor behaviour...

Put the older child in the smaller bedroom.

She won't be interested in the Barbies much longer, and the younger one can have free access to the dream house, friends can come over and play in her bedroom, etc.

Teach your older child that there are better ways to manage her communication with irritating people than resorting to shouting and screaming.

@Needaspa
Older daughter doesn't get to fold her arms and refuse all reasonable compromise.

She either engages with the sensible suggestions or you make an executive decision, and she sucks up whatever you decide.

Do not let her behave like this at age 10 or you will have eight long years (minimum) to regret bitterly your inability to lay down the law.

7:30? I would be very annoyed. Shared toys moves downstairs and older daughter regains her boundaries. If the toys are owned by older dd then she shouldn't have to share, they isn't fair to her.

Why hasn't the younger daughter got similar toys?

I would not want a younger sibling waking me each weekend morning that is reasonable expectation.

@Needaspa I would also never have given a 10 year old a double bed!!! easier washing a single bedding! get her a single bed and just move her out if she is not going to be toy sharing with wee sis

@dimllaishebiaith 'punished' for having a smaller room?

It is good enough for the youngest so hardly a punishment.

Either keep the large bedroom and play nicely with your sister or you can have you own private space in the smaller bedroom.

In even one year, the now 10 year old will not be interested in the Barbies, but the younger child will still love them. Older girl will be starting secondary, after all.

OP needs to see beyond the current ages and can easily present a move to the smaller bedroom as a move to a tween den where she and her friends can hang out with the door shut and no embarrassing evidence of childish interests visible or 6 yo sister knocking and asking to come in and play with the dream house, room for a desk for the homework she will be getting, etc.

I thought this too but then saw OP's update that the elder DD birthday gift was having her bedroom decorated. So making her give up the larger room now seems to be taking away her birthday gift she's just been given.

No punished by being moved out of the bedroom she loves because it was specifically decorated for her birthday and simultaneously being expected to leave behind multiple presents that she isn't ready to part with yet just because her sister can't wait until after 7:30am to barge into her room

Would you not feel like having multiple presents removed from you was a punishment?