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Original poster

I think I f’d up and I’m scared.

62 replies

Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:13

Two of my children were having a fight. The 10 year old was on top of my 4 year old and had hold of her face and was pushing it down, the 4 year old was screaming. I ran in and my immediate reaction was to shout stop and try to push and lift the 10 year old off. As I went to push she turns around and I hit her in the side of the face.
i feel absolutely horrendous and I am ashamed of myself for effectively hitting her. She started screaming- you hit me and locked herself in the bathroom. I was comforting the 4 year old and trying to apologise to the 10 year old. It was all so fast and then we all sat and cried, I apologised over and over, I feel like the shittest mother on the planet and I’m so scared I’m going to lose my children.
It is completely my fault for putting my hands on her, I should have dealt with the situation better and I deserve to lose the kids for what has happened.
I love them so much and I just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Justkeepswimmingswimming · 26/02/2024 14:14

No it isn’t. Your oldest crossed a line and you needed to remove her from your youngest to keep them safe.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 26/02/2024 14:15

Why was a 10 year old fighting a 4 year old?!
Yours was an accident; her behaviour is really alarming!

Beamur · 26/02/2024 14:16

You struck her by accident? You're not going to have your kids taken away for that.
Wait until everyone calms down. Reassure your kids you love them and didn't mean to hit them. But also point out to the 10 year old that they were being unnecessarily physical with their much younger sibling - that's not acceptable and has to stop. Hitting anyone isn't ok.

RoadToPlants · 26/02/2024 14:18

You did nothing wrong.

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/02/2024 14:19

If my 10 year old was attacking their 4 year old sibling they would have been dragged off and given a slapped backside. You did nothing wrong.

Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:21

It’s illegal to smack children in Scotland. Even. Pat on the hand or backside

OP posts:
Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:22

It was an accident but I still reacted badly. I didnt mean to hit her face I just wanted to get her off of her sibling.

OP posts:
CarousingPeasants · 26/02/2024 14:23

Sorry, but you think you deserve to lose your children for accidentally hitting one of them? You need to calm down and chalk it up to the fact nobody is perfect

PeggySooo · 26/02/2024 14:24

Even if you'd hit her on purpose, your kids aren't going anywhere for that

CryptoFascist · 26/02/2024 14:24

Completely understandable.

Type2c · 26/02/2024 14:25

Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:21

It’s illegal to smack children in Scotland. Even. Pat on the hand or backside

Doesn't mean it doesn't happen/isn't warranted at times. (I'm not interested in getting into the smacking debate).

You would have to do A LOT more than hit your child by accident to have them removed from your care!

Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:25

They will in Scotland, it is completely illegal under any circumstances.

OP posts:
PeggySooo · 26/02/2024 14:27

Illegal does not equal removal of children for one incident, else the rates of children in care would be astronomical

kikisparks · 26/02/2024 14:27

Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:25

They will in Scotland, it is completely illegal under any circumstances.

An accident/ self defence (defence of your four your old) would I assume be an exception. Do you think your 10 year old is likely to tell people that you hit her and misrepresent the situation?

Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:28

Thankyou for replying. I guess I just need a wee hand hold for feeling like complete shit.

OP posts:
SomethingDifferentt · 26/02/2024 14:28

If my 10 year old was attacking their 4 year old sibling they would have been dragged off and given a slapped backside

This exactly. And please don't bother coming at with the 'but it's illegal' gubbins. I really don't care.

In the op's situation, an accidental hit to the face of a dc...I'd apologise (once) for hitting them in the face - but also be very upfront that the accidental injury was effectively caused by their own appalling behaviour. And they'd be punished for that.

All this apologising over and over and begging forgiveness and crying...good lord.

PeggySooo · 26/02/2024 14:29

What you need to do is give your child time to calm down then talk to her quietly later and explain what happened. Not now whilst she's still upset as it won't be as effective. Explain it was an accident, explain that what she was doing can make someone stop breathing, and you panicked. That you didn't intend to hit her and you're sorry she was frightened.

Type2c · 26/02/2024 14:29

Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:25

They will in Scotland, it is completely illegal under any circumstances.

I'm also Scottish. There's NO CHANCE they'd be removed from your care. Your anxiety is running away with you.

fourelementary · 26/02/2024 14:30

Once things calm down you need a firm talk with your 10 year old that it is NEVER okay to be so physical towards their sibling. That you apologise for hurting them- but it was necessary for you to physically get her off of her sibling and that should never have happened full stop.

Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:30

I don’t know, she has been really challenging since her dad and I separated last year. When I send her to her room for whatever reason she just shouts no and refuses to go. I’m so scared to touch her and make her go upstairs because if I try to take her hand or walk her up stairs etc. she shouts ‘your hurting me, your not allowed to touch me’ and I just back off.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/02/2024 14:32

Stop allowing a 10 year old child to run the house. You need to take control.

Original poster
Scaredmummyhelp · 26/02/2024 14:34

Type2c · 26/02/2024 14:29

I'm also Scottish. There's NO CHANCE they'd be removed from your care. Your anxiety is running away with you.

Show quote history

Thank-you, I’m just petrified she will say something to someone and social service will take the kids or I will be arrested or something.
I honestly don’t know what to do, she is very angry with everyone since our separation and nothing I do or say seems to pacify the situation. I refuse to get into a screaming match with her so I end up walking away until she calms down or take her iPad away.
if I so much as try to pick her up and physically take her away from a situation she just screams that I can’t touch her.

OP posts:
Tel12 · 26/02/2024 14:34

You definitely need to get back in control. Otherwise you are going to be in for a very difficult time.

Dotdashdottinghell · 26/02/2024 14:36

Aw love, I don't agree with hitting children either, but if a 10 year old gets accidentally whacked in the course of hitting a 4 year old they deserve it!
You've apologised and that's great, but you need to sit down with the 10 year old and have a serious talk about them hitting a 4 year old, it's completely unacceptable no matter how annoying the younger one is.

Mischance · 26/02/2024 14:36

I think you are overreacting about what you did, and underreacting about what your 10 year old did. You accidentally struck your 10 year old whilst rescuing your 4 year old from her aggression.

Stop apologising and be the adult here. Explain to your 10 year old that SHE was absolutely out of order. Talk to her about how violence breeds violence, as she can now clearly see. Stop grovelling and start sorting out her behaviour! Let her know exactly what her punishment will be if she every behaves so aggressively again.