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Original poster

Daughter reaction to my pregnancy

56 replies

no1babyno1 · 23/02/2024 23:14

Hey, I just need some advice. Sorry it's a bit long.

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant
I already have a daughter she has just turned 5 years old.
All she has asked for the last two years is a sibling as all her friend have one apparently.

Well we told her I was pregnant around the 18weeks mark.
She was/is so happy and excited. She can't wait to meet her new baby.

But even though she is very happy and excited and it's all she wants as she keeps telling me. I know some children's behaviour changes or can go backwards a little.

We have tried to include her into everything. We asked her advice on names. We went to a 4d scan and she came. we tried to make it all about her and say the baby wanted her to see it as the baby loves her so much already and can't wait to meet her. Even brought her the teddy of the baby's heart beat.

I have even been trying to make a bigger deal of us doing things together like mummy daughter day. We went and got her nails done and we had a shopping spree. Which she spent most of the time thinking of the baby. Making me go to the baby area to look for clothes. When I'm encouraging us to look for her more than the baby.

But.......
she has been a nightmare for behaviour. I hate to say it but she was an angel before. I couldn't ask for a better child. But now she's being rude and horrible to not only myself but other children.
Shes writing and drawing on everything. Shes been clean since she was 1 years old and shes gone back to wetting herself. But even worse she goes to the bathroom and just stands next to the toilet to just wet herself.

She was really into doing homework and learning and now she asks to do the work and then cry's because she doesn't what to do it. But then also cry's when I tell her she doesn't have to.

We try are best to talk about feeling and emotions with her which she was really good at. Rather than getting upset and crying. She would come and say this has upset me and I would like to change it. She's acted very grown up. But now she just bursts into tears with everything and anything. I'm not saying crying is bad but it just wasn't like her to cry for anything.

She keeps saying to people you don't love me anymore.
These are just some of the things she's is doing.

How do I help her? She is obviously happy but also anxious about the new baby coming.
At first I tried to not tell her off exactly. I would say that's not good or do we think that's a good thing to do. Next time we can trying to not blah blah....
But it's getting to the point now where all I'm doing is saying no or stop that, be nice.

Any advice would be great. Even if it's a just stick it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 23:21

I think you've gone massively overboard making such a huge thing about the new baby. All of that faff was anxiety-driven and I think your daughter has totally picked up on it. It's just all too much, almost as though you've dragged out Christmas Eve for weeks. It's just too much for a kid to handle.

I would dial it all way back and try to just be normal. There's really no reason to go on about the baby at all. Hopefully, she can decompress and work through her anxiety.

Restinggoddess · 23/02/2024 23:26

I men this kindly …. She is five. I felt overwhelmed reading all the stuff you are doing. No wonder she is feeling anxious

When the new baby comes she gets to be big sister and has attention for being helpful etc etc but in the run up you don’t need to micro manage her.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and please chill out

Meadowy · 23/02/2024 23:32

What the others have said. Don’t make such a big deal about it. And also she’s 5, too young to go to scans! And she probably realises that it isn’t true that the baby can’t wait to meet her so she’ll subconsciously be wondering what else isn’t true.

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SirChenjins · 23/02/2024 23:33

Agree with the pp’s - that’s a heck of a lot of build up for a five year old, who seems to have picked up on your anxieties about what this is going to mean for her and your family and run with it. The baby has been centred in everything you’re doing from the sounds of it.

I would just try and relax. No need to talk about feelings or involve her so much, just keep things as routine and as normal as possible and hopefully the behaviour will settle down in the coming weeks.

Ruffpuff · 23/02/2024 23:35

Maybe things have become a bit too much about the new baby?

I would do everything you’ve done with my 5 year old too, it’s not a criticism. I’m just wondering if the ‘new baby’ theme has taken over a little bit? A few months is a long time for a 5 year old, and since the baby isn’t physically here yet maybe it’s kind of becoming harm for her to understand? I would give talk about the new baby a test for a while until much closer to the due date.

Heather37231 · 23/02/2024 23:36

Stop calling it “her” baby for a start!

I bet you wouldn’t be saying that if your child was a boy.

adriftinadenofvipers · 23/02/2024 23:37

Dial it right back! That's too intense for a 5 year old!

ChateauMargaux · 23/02/2024 23:38

Tell her you love her and that nothing about your love for her will change when the new baby comes, that the baby comes with it's own love and there is just more love, it is not shared.

PassMeTheCookies · 23/02/2024 23:39

It might not be all about the baby. It sounds like she's Reception age. My son's behaviour has definitely changed since starting school. I think he's really testing boundaries and much cheekier than he's ever been!

DaughterNo2 · 23/02/2024 23:41

Is the baby with a different father to your daughter’s dad?

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2024 23:54

You took a five-year-old to have her nails done? Is that a thing now?

houseydncf · 24/02/2024 00:15

You sound very intense.

scoobysnaxx · 24/02/2024 00:17

This is all so ridiculously overboard and intense. No wonder she is playing up.

Congratulations OP and how wonderful for your daughter.

But this is so over the top.

It's exciting but all of this is too much for a 5 year old! Nails done? Honestly!

JadeandGreen · 24/02/2024 00:18

She's been clean since she was 1! Really! 😂

WallaceinAnderland · 24/02/2024 00:19

Including her in 'everything' is too overwhelming. It's putting a lot of adult pressure on a little child. She needs to feel safe. She needs to know that the adults are in charge and in control. Don't ask her opinion so much such as naming the baby. Just choose a name you like and tell her what it is when the baby is born.

You are going overboard in spending special time with her now which is likely to backfire when the baby arrives and you can't do that so often. Just be more casual about everything and take the pressure off her.

InWalksBarberalla · 24/02/2024 00:24

Possibly all this baby talk and adult like expectations and behaviours (nails done, choosing names) is causing her anxiety. She's only 5 and needs to know she is still your child. I'd stop talking about the baby and do activities she enjoyed when she was a little younger.

FabFebHalfTerm · 24/02/2024 00:26

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2024 23:54

You took a five-year-old to have her nails done? Is that a thing now?

@determinedtomakethiswork

no, reputable places don't even let young children go in because of the chemicals.

im assuming they just made a fuss of her & put some nail polish on.

children's nails are too thin & nail beds are soft. Adult nail polish isn't suitable.

Ridiculous 'treat' for a 4/5 year old.

Tiddlywinks63 · 24/02/2024 01:14

She’s 5 for heaven’s sake and you’re going completely OTT about being pregnant so that the poor child is being dragged into your excitement. No wonder she’s completely overwhelmed. She’s seeing this baby as being the centre of your life already, and isn’t coping at all, which is hardly surprising at her age.

fairymary87 · 24/02/2024 01:19

Think everyone is being a bit harsh on OP. She's only tried to do what she thinks is best, which is all any of us do. Kindly I do think you're making a LOT of things about the new baby and her feelings are going to be mixed. Eldest sibling here, when I found out my dad was having another girl, I felt my world crush a little. I was 15 (he remarried) and I knew I was feeling so much excitement but how I was feeling about another girl after being the only one with 2 brothers surprised me. I was old enough to understand my emotions, she's not. So has much as she can be excited about but she'll need reassurance she's your number 1 girl. I would kindly tone things down and try and fall into things you used to do while removing the pressure. She wants her mum. It's about her wanting a sibling. I'm sure you'll experience ways of emotions with going from 1-2.

Meadowfinch · 24/02/2024 01:27

Stop making such a fuss over the pregnancy. Kindly OP, she doesn't need that.

You've told her the news, now drop it, until she asks questions, go back to acting normally, and she will be reassured. Let her be a 5yo again. Stop asking for her input as if she were an adult, Stop doing things like taking her to a nail parlour. Let her play and be a little girl again. She needs you to be her mum, not a grown up friend.

She'll be fine. 🙂

LilyofftheValley · 24/02/2024 01:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2024 23:54

You took a five-year-old to have her nails done? Is that a thing now?

This. It's not great. Teach her better values.

Geppili · 24/02/2024 01:33

You have made the baby all about the baby! Just spend more time with her doing childish activities, not adult stuff like nails or shopping! She needs lots of craft activities etc done with you. She probably feels hugely anxious.

SingingSands · 24/02/2024 01:50

She wants to be your baby. "The baby" isn't here yet, she's into five and can't really think that far ahead and isn't able to visualise what it will be like to have a baby in her world. You've created a stressful situation for her by celebrating all things "baby". She's five. Five year olds don't need all that change and hype and over excitement, she needs her life to be exactly the same as much as possible so she feels secure. And you don't need a special mummy and daughter day because the baby isn't here yet so every day is mummy and daughter day. Poor wee thing is probably exhausted from all the emotion.

Benicebenicebenice · 24/02/2024 01:56

What everyone else has said. OTT. Also, please don't take name advice from a 5 year old, I knew a guy called Spike, for real. His parents let his big brother name him.

HoHoHoliday · 24/02/2024 02:59

I agree with everyone else. You will have had good intentions but you've gone way over the top and overwhelmed your child. She's only 5, she doesn't need all of these adult activities, she needs 5-year-old fun. You've also swamped her with so much excess attention that she will likely struggle when your attention is inevitably divided once the baby arrives! Would be better to get into a sensible routine now.
Also, I understand the idea behind making the older child think the baby can't wait to meet them, etc. But always try to remember this new baby is a person in their own right, not just a younger sibling, not just someone to fit in with their older sibling. Your older child should not be choosing names or whatever else, that's for the parents to do.

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