Enjoying the newborn days

[S0T1RED]

Hi. I’m looking for some perspective please.

I have a beautiful 10 day old baby. He’s not really been any trouble so far, but I’m already finding myself wishing away the months until he gets to an age when he will be “easier” and more predictable.

I’m trying to establish a feeding and napping routine and am reading sleep training threads on here which are only suitable for much older babies. I’m already struggling with him being in the same room as me all the time and am looking forward to being able to put him down in his own room at 6 months.

I really want to enjoy these early days / weeks and not wish them away, but the more I try to relax the more anxious I get that I should be trying to control the outcome already.

Please talk some sense into me!

A routine at 10 days? Crikey. DS2 didn’t fall into a routine until he was 10 months! And no you certainly cannot sleep train a 10 day old. They are in the fourth trimester. They don’t understand that they are separate to you. You are all they know and they need to be near you. The 6 month guide on sleeping in their own room is for their own safety too.

If you want to enjoy your baby my advice will be to snuggle them and try and soak it all in and forget about routines for a while. If your anxiety continues to increase I would definitely speak to a GP about that though.

Relax. Stop thinking about routines and sleep training! They're 10 days old. Google 'the fourth trimester' and just enjoy the moments.

My advice - don’t worry if you’re not enjoying it. I got fed up with people telling me to “enjoy it” when to me, having a newborn was a mixture of boring, stressful and completely exhausting.

I agree with don’t insist on a routine though, at 10 days the main thing is to get them sleeping and feeding enough no matter how or when that happens.

Accept that you are tied to the sofa for huge amounts of the day and catch up on Netflix/MN.

By the way you won’t be able to put them in the cot for most of the day at 6 months… you’ll get one long nap at that age if you are lucky!

Honestly you're going to break if you don't try to relax.

My babies slept on me, and fed as and when they needed for about 12 weeks until they were a bit more with it. You really have to just give in to the neediness initially.

I'm intrigued to find out what you thought a newborn baby would be like?

What others have said is chill. Get away from
Mumsnet. Away from Facebook. Don't worry about sleep (yet), just respond on demand. Watch tv, go for nice walks, read books. Ignore housework, get your partner (if you have one) to cook. Join free baby clubs, go for coffees with other mums and enjoy your leave.

Yes, you will be very tired - but I'm afraid to say it doesn't get better at 6 months. They go through regressions. And most babies (not all) tend to need fed during the night for a while. My first didn't sleep through until 2 but it's not easier, as it's now about playing and bedtimes instead.

Also if you need a break - I pumped milk and got my husband to do half the feeds. Introduced a bottle from day one. When he went back to work I did the sleep/feeds during the week, he did Friday & Saturday night. Other friends their partners took the baby in the morning. My friend who is a single mum had their mother visit every second weekend and they did the night feeds. Make sure you take a break if you need it!

It’s all well and good being told to relax, but this is quite possibly the most intense period of your life! It’s not very relaxing at all. Keeping a tiny baby safe and well is a huge pressure, and of course, YOU need to be thriving too, to enable you to care for baby. You are allowed to do things which make this difficult period easier for you, so think about what you would be comfortable changing, and maybe try and do some things differently.

And also… CONGRATULATIONS!

OP don’t feel bad for looking forward to a bit more predictability, newborns are like a little chaos bomb and everyone finds it hard at times.

Might be tricky to get into a routine at this age. I used to track things to help me start to feel that there was a bit of a rhythm which helped (huckleberry app). Once baby is 3-4 months (which will honestly fly by) if you still feel the same you could start to do a bit more of a routine and put baby down in their own room and see how you go. I wish I’d moved my first before 6 months as we were just disturbing each other, I did move my second gradually from four months as he started sleeping through so didn’t need to come in with us after he’d gone to bed.

Ps. Make sure you get out as much as poss if you feel this way - even if it’s just for a walk to nowhere

Thank you for the very kind responses. I haven’t done this before and I just feel out of control. The more I try to get him to do what I want, the more he rebels! I wasn’t expecting it.

I miss my old life and freedom to even just watch TV and chat to my husband without worrying about disturbing the baby. I don’t know how to get through 6+ months of this with him constantly here.

I hated every second of the newborn days. It gets better and it’s fine to hate it ! My dd is a teenager now and we are very close. For the first month I couldn’t understand why anyone would ever have a baby! I loved her but I hated the life - she had colic so that didn’t help.

10 days PP was when my baby blues peaked. Could it be that you're experiencing the same and it's manifesting itself in a desire to control things/wish time away? You may feel very different in a few days. Also, it sounds like you haven't bonded with your baby yet. It will come, I am sure , but I really think you have to do your best to go easy on yourself and baby to allow those feelings to come. Lots of cuddles, lots of pictures of baby in cute outfits, lots of snuggles etc and lots of talking to your baby while looking into their eyes might help. It sounds like you need to sort of get into the zone of seeing them as a proper little person rather than a thing you can control or train etc, and reach the point of acceptance that your life has changed. Do you have much support?

@S0T1RED definitely watch TV during this phase!! They can sleep on you/cuddle you/feed and you should watch all the TV, have all the chats and all the snacks.

What I would do differently is to ignore ALL the advice. Just do what works. What worked for me was keeping her in a sling all of the time and sleeping next to her. I did this eventually and learnt to make my own decisions and do what she needed. We coslept for ages and it meant I got sleep.

you also adjust and the life change gets easier and more natural.

I didn’t really enjoy the newborn days of my first DC, it’s a big adjustment Fremont being able to do what you want whenever you want to having to prioritise the needs of a baby instead of yourself. L, and of course. It getting much sleep. But I have a newborn again now and am very much enjoying it, it’s a lot easier than the toddler years so the days my dd is in nursery and it’s just me and the baby at home are way more relaxing and feel like a break.

You just need to chill. This baby literally doesn't know it's been born yet!

You cannot control the baby. Please don't try. The baby needs what it needs when it needs it and you can neither predict it nor reason with it.

Don't put pressure on yourself to enjoy it. I don't "enjoy" having a newborn. It's about survival. You just have to pretty much surrender to it and get through each day.

I think as soon as you really fall in love with your baby these feelings will start to fade as it'll feel more natural to put them first and you won't be able to imagine wanting to try to 'sleep train' a tiny dependent being. And sometimes it does take a few weeks or a little while to really fall for your baby. For now just try to be kind to him and yourself and it'll come.

So it’s fine to not enjoy the newborn days! They are relentless and I personally have found age 4 months plus much ‘better’ in a lot of ways (my baby is 7.5 months now).

However you are onto a hiding to nothing if you are looking for routine/predictability in any form for a while. Try to ‘lean in’, this is one time in your life where it’s ok to achieve nothing but feeding and clothing your baby. Watch loads of TV (you soon won’t be able to once they’re not a sleepy potato!), feed and cuddle. Get your partner and family to help you with housework etc.

Things you can control at the moment: your health, recovery and who supports you and how! Get out for a walk once a day and have a long bath/shower every day (good for dad to have alone time with the baby). Try to eat well (see my comment re family help- they can feed you!).

And finally: you will miss them when they go in their own room.

I really felt like you OP. I really did. It gets better. Forget about a routine. This is exactly what I mean about ignoring advice. Just feed and sleep and try and go for walks, and eventually you’ll find out you are in a routine. I did one day of Gina Ford. DO NOT READ GINA FORD.

I would focus on you and relaxing, his needs are pretty basic. Watch TV, listen to music and books, chat to your husband. It’s not going to disturb him, babies like noise.

Get out to do something everyday.

It’s not the interesting phase, and I think lots of people don’t bond till 3 months or more, so give yourself time to get to know him. You may have a bit of PND so keep an eye on that.

Encourage your partner and parents to sit with him if you want a break. Try mix feeding if you are BF.

I wouldn’t get him into the habit of being held all the time, as it sounds like that’s not for you. If you want the beginnings of a routine (you can’t really start that till 3 months) have a look at the baby whisperer - she just encourages you to become aware of the feed/activity/sleep pattern, and eventually that pattern builds into a routine.

But mainly, relax - and chat to HV / partner if you feel yourself feeling down.

OP it’s okay not to love it. Very few people actually enjoy this phase. You’re sleep deprived, recovering from pregnancy and delivery, can’t do anything but look after your baby… what is there to enjoy? But, the reality is you will get through it because you have to. Please share how you are feeling with your partner / friends / family. Take care

I hate to break it to you but many people who love their babies just as much as you do indeed want to build routines.

I was the same as you. Don't worry it does get more predictable very soon. It will be ok. Mine have both started going to bed at 8sh from about 3 months with a couple of night wake ups. Once you know they have a bed time it might be easier x