Enjoying the newborn days

[S0T1RED]

Hi. I’m looking for some perspective please.

I have a beautiful 10 day old baby. He’s not really been any trouble so far, but I’m already finding myself wishing away the months until he gets to an age when he will be “easier” and more predictable.

I’m trying to establish a feeding and napping routine and am reading sleep training threads on here which are only suitable for much older babies. I’m already struggling with him being in the same room as me all the time and am looking forward to being able to put him down in his own room at 6 months.

I really want to enjoy these early days / weeks and not wish them away, but the more I try to relax the more anxious I get that I should be trying to control the outcome already.

Please talk some sense into me!

Chat away and have the telly on, they sleep through everything at this age! I could hoover near him and my LO wouldn’t wake 😂
Also try to get out in the next couple of weeks to a cafe or a pub when baby is sleeping in the pram. It’s nice to do some of the things you would have normally done before you had them, and they sleep a lot at this age so you can do quite a lot with them in a pram or sling.
To caveat my next sentence- it is against the NHS guidance (but everyone I know who has a baby has done this)- we started putting our baby to bed upstairs (in our room until he moved into his own) at about 4 months for bed time with a monitor and we got our evenings back. So it’s not necessarily a 6 month sentence!

The single, single best thing about having a second baby is realising that, in the early days, routine really doesn’t matter. In fact, its often more of a headache then a cure. I got so tied up in knots with DS1. I was like you, desperate for some control and sense of normality. I thought routine would bring that. It didn’t. Mostly because it was impossible to achieve and newborns change far too frequently.

It is totally fine to wing each day and think ‘thank f**k I don’t have to do that day again’ at the end. That’s how I got through the newborn days with DS2 and I enjoyed it so much more.

DS2 is 6, nearly 7 months and is now relatively predictable. As in, I know he’ll probably need 3 naps and at roughly what time. I know he’ll want to breastfeed every couple of hours. I know he needs to go to bed at 8pm ish so he is up in time and not grumpy for the school run the next day. It’ll come, I promise. Just survive now.

@theduchessofspork I'm not talking about older babies but attempting to build a routine for a ten day old is obviously the route to madness and could be a symptom of not having bonded/fallen in love yet. Maybe not but it could be. I didn't bond straight away, there's no shame in it if this is the case!

My comment was a follow on from my earlier comment.

Sit cuddling on the sofa sniffing their lovely head and drinking tea and eating biscuits. That's the bit I miss the most.

Sorry that was unhelpful. I just meant that eventually you have to be chasing them all over and it's exhausting and the early days can be a lot easier. But it's not for everyone I realise. As others have said their needs are basic (feed, change, sleep) at this point so fulfil them but then allow time for yourself as well whenever you can.

Anyone who enjoys the newborn days is clinically insane, as far as I'm concerned. They're hellish!

I had a really rough time with my newborn. She screamed about 10 hours a day. Whether she was being cuddled, in the pram, car, mat whatever. She screamed. I hated it, and I hated that everyone was telling me to 'enjoy every minute' and in reality I was hating every minute. And I was so sad about that.
Your hormones are doing wild things, you're recovering from whatever birth you had.
It's normal to not love every minute and it's OK if you don't feel the way other mothers seem to feel. I am that person too, pulling my hair out because I'm not loving every minute, even now at 15 months I don't love it. We're managing it but I don't love it.
In regards to sleep, just do what you can. Baby will start to learn the difference between day and night in a few weeks and things will seem easier.
You're doing great x

Brilliant comment from @VivaVivaa I'm in much the same position with my 6 m/o and agree it's so much easier! I still follow my baby except for obviously planning meals, bath etc, but she's established her own little routine with three naps a day and a 7.30 bedtime. It will come! But for now just really try to let go and sort of surrender to it. It's so hard in those early days but it will get easier naturally, you don't have to do anything to make it so.

Thanks again for the very understanding responses. I thought I was going to be eaten alive!

It’s reassuring to hear that a lot of you found it easier at 3-6 months. That sounds manageable. Did you do anything to influence that outcome or did it happen naturally?

Honestly, it happens naturally. They separate day from night and start having slightly longer awake periods in the day, feeding gets more regular and less frequent, everything just settles down a bit.

You don't need to do anything right now except keep the baby fed and clean and yourself fed and rested.

For me it was when she was able to listen to a story, hold things in her hand, talk to her about things. Basically when there was an exchange between us rather than her just being a screaming, pooping, feeding misery

It’s reassuring to hear that a lot of you found it easier at 3-6 months. That sounds manageable. Did you do anything to influence that outcome or did it happen naturally?

DS2 was easier to find a routine with than DS1. As above, he was pretty predictable from
about 5 months. Temperamentally, he is an ‘easier’ baby which I think was the main reason. But, from a few days old, he had to be out of the house every day for 8:15am for the pre school run. We started ‘getting him up’ every day at 6:30am. Obviously at 10 days old, that literally involved feeding him, changing his nappy and DH putting him in the sling as opposed to back in bed with me (we co slept - another sanity saver 2nd time round). But I do think a set wake up time is the most important thing for building your day around. When your DC’s default mode switches from asleep to awake (anything from 1-3 months, depending on the baby) a set start to the day helps naps become more predictable.

All normal. And routines are good too. Even if bub is too young - it's about creating a rhythem/habit/and adapting x

Bit of a mixture in a way. Baby sort of set her own routine by getting sleepy and rubbing eyes etc at certain times of day but then you facilitate that routine by anticipating their sleepiness and planning naps etc. I could roughly anticipate when she'd need a nap by around 2 months old. But the way to do it is follow your baby and help them I think, rather than try to control it.

Didn’t do anything in months 0-3, started a bed time routine at around 4 months once he started being asleep for longer in the evening, rather than napping on and off like the day time until we went to bed.
Another thing to look forward to in the short term is that they start interacting with you at 6 weeks (smiling!) and it comes just when you need it, then you can imagine them not just being a thing that demands things of you.

Read up about touched out. I had an allergy and reflux baby and at her peak she was in my arms not room arms for 23h a day. By Friday evening I would have torn all skin from my body if I could just to shake the feeling of having her touching me. I learnt the phrase and then high needs baby which gave me the explanation of why my daughter needed so much more from me. I learnt that I needed time when she was in my arms and in fact when I wasn't in the room. She was 10 months before dad could reliably soothe her so as far as I got was the bath or the shower but how I loved that 30-60 minutes of not being touched. Unfortunately for my partner it meant that I didn't want to be touched, cuddles and kisses not just sex. I had severe pnd which also didn't help.

My first year is a blur, pnd didn't help. I didn't enjoy it and more endured but I think I have enjoyed every stage since more than my friends. They often talk about being sad about not having their lovely little newborn any more. I enjoy most days with my vibrant preschooler.

You will soon find out that everyone is different and some advice may work great for some but not for others.

Starting with a routine was the best thing I ever did, 'baby led' did nothing but make me feel stressed and miserable. A routine helped me start enjoying my baby and you can absolutely start from very young if it's something you want.

I love Gina Ford and I also took some things from The Baby Whisperer too as well as reading about wake windows. By 8 weeks, I had baby in a good routine sleeping from 7pm-7am.

I'm expecting twins this time and will be doing the same.

Again, it isn't for everyone but it worked wonderfully for me and baby.

You're in limbo between your old life and new, it's totally understandable. You have this new baby who you are supposed to love endlessly but it comes with giving up almost all of yourself. Those days really are just about survival and trying to find nice moments in between, but try not to wish them away. I would love to be able to go back to my DD for a day when she was that age. She's 2 now and I just can't believe how in love with her I am, but at 10 days it definitely wasn't that strong, these things take time.

The baby will dictate the routine for the time being unfortunately but it won't be long before you can input your wants and needs. As others have said, just try and relax and enjoy what you can. If you have support then utilise it as much as possible. Watch tv when they're asleep or feeding - I defo watched more tv when mine was a newborn than I do now! Try and snatch whatever time you can for yourself if that's what you're craving

If you have an 'easy baby' then sure it's 'feed, change, sleep'.
Babies with colic, allergies or high needs aren't like this. My baby would have 4-6 hour wake periods from day 1 and would scream that entire time even if rocked and cuddles. She wouldn't go in a pram without screaming so none of those nice little walks with the bassinet. I DREAMED OF THAT. I was desperate for that 'feed, change, sleep' time but I never had it. I have a toddler now, she's a nightmare but still eternally easier than newborn. It's was hell, pure hell.
I remember my sister in law complaining because her newborn fed for 4 hours straight one night...that sounded like a dream to me...imagine getting to sit down and relax for FOUR HOURS. Anyway rant over, pls don't assume all babies are easy

It will mainly happen by itself as baby develops.
I think you can support this by always keeping things calm and dark at nighttime, and the opposite in the daytime - lots of fresh air and vitamin d! Once you start doing a little bedtime routine it’s lovely.

The very best advice I could give is to follow your baby's lead. I can't remember when we fell into a more predictable sleep routine, but it wasn't for a good few months. She did it by herself naturally as she started to stay awake for longer periods and gradually naps just got longer and more structured.
We would never have achieved this by trying to train her to sleep at certain times, your baby tells you what they need and you basically just have to roll with it and try to enjoy the ride!

You are 10 days into the biggest change of your life. Try not to overthink it , just take each day as it comes. I really struggled with my first the loss of freedom what massive and I think it’s harder the older you are as you become so used to your own time. I always say the day your first baby is born is the start of your new life as nothing will ever be the same again so don’t look back at what you did before as that life is gone now. No matter how much people say having a kid won’t change them they’ll still be able to do this and that it’s not true you need to embrace the new life. Took me a long time to realise it but I look back now and pre babies seems like a different life. Both were and are great just very different.

So I have a 4 week old and I felt like you a couple of weeks ago, but the last few days she’s kinda established her own routine and it’s made it all so much better.

My advice would be to just do what baby wants and a routine will appear which gives you so much more freedom.

Her routine isn’t perfect and it’s completely baby led but it’s like we’ve both suddenly got into the swing of things lately. I’ll add a more rigid routine at 3 plus months but for now it works.