Please motivate me to continue EBF :(

[Zozoxo]

2.5 weeks in and I am really struggling. DD does not sleep. That’s not an exaggeration she does such short stretches I am on my knees exhausted, this is combined with being a mum to my amazing toddler, c section recovery, and apparently breastfeeding releases sleepy hormones?

I feel I’m in a constant state of being awake but exhausted and dreaming about sleep. Like I’m becoming obsessed with the thought of sleep :/

My DS was formula fed from day 1 and although woke for night feeds, he did sleep stretches so I’d get 3 hours at a time sometimes 4. And of course with him being formula fed dad could help out and I could rest if tired

My midwife and health visitor have said it gets easier/better around 6 weeks. But 3/3.5 weeks seems a lifetime away and this is affecting me. I’m worried I’ll become a lazy mum which up until now I haven’t been I have gotten DS out the park to the shops etc, we’re going to tackle a longer day out/soft play when I’m a bit more recovered. But I’m scared I’ll just not be myself soon

but it’s also so soon to give up I feel :/ :(

(also nothing against formula/pumping & bottle feeding - like I said my DS was formula fed from day 1 and is so happy , healthy and extraordinary! So he has thrived after being formula fed for his first year)

3 weeks is the hardest point with ebf but if you need sleep and rest to recover and want to give the odd bottle of formula or expressed bf do so. Around this point I expressed before going to bed and my partner took out daughter at 7 and I slept until 10 on a Saturday and Sunday. She's 3 and he still takes her. These are my golden hours where I catch up on my sleep as my daughter still doesn't sleep through the night

Why don’t you set a date for a 7 days time and you can make a decision then.

Is your partner around to help? It is just a brutal time. DP did shifts holding DS2 so I could have 10pm-1am and that was essential for me.

In terms of getting out the house, a sling really helped. It also meant I had hands free for DS1.

But it's also ok to stop. Or to combi feed. Or try pumping.

Please don't think you'll become a lazy mum, you are recovering from major surgery. Be kind to yourself. You're doing a good job. Your toddler won't remember these early days.
It will get easier. The first few weeks baby is driving your milk supply up, they feed a LOT. It's normal, it's not easy though, so get your partner or whoever you have for support to do bath nappy etc. Any amount of breast milk is valuable for babies, if you feel like giving some formula would help then do that, but be aware that any supplemental feeds will impact on your milk supply, you could express too. if that's the right thing for you to do then go with it, there's no right or wrong, do what's right for you.

@Zozoxo sending solidarity! I am also 2.5 weeks in and finding breastfeeding challenging. I did breastfeed my older son and it is true it does get easier and I ended up loving it. At the moment I have a sore right boob meaning feeding is painful and my little one is also waking up after short sleep times. Will your baby take full feeds at each breast? Mine won't and think that is contributing to the constant wakings/snackings.

I was exactly the same with my first child: 3-4 weeks away may as well be 3-4 years away when you're at that point. It really does become easier at around six weeks though, so if you decide you want to keep breastfeeding then it won't be like this forever. Is there any way you could get a break? Maybe express some milk so you can get a bit of sleep while someone else feeds your baby? Is she definitely getting a really good feed every time? One of my kids had a shallow latch and was only getting a little bit of milk at a time. I had to make sure he was properly latched on until he got the hang of it.

It gets easier. Breastfeeding means you have to sit still giving you time to recover. When you sleep it's disturbed but you go into a deeper sleep faster - even if it doesn't feel like it.

Being breastfed meant that toddler DD avoided having to have an inpatient stay at hospital following a particularly nasty bout of norovirus. BM is easier to digest so the Dr's were happy for her to stay home as she was clearly getting some as her bowel movements had returned to that of a EBF baby

You want be a lazy mum if you take it easy for a few more weeks. Softplays and parks are relatively new inventions children have survived a long time without them If you can ask someone to take toddler out and baby in the pram for a stroll and get some sleep - dont do any chores

Can you feed lying down? That’s a game changer at this stage, as you can doze while they feed. Get your partner (assuming you have one, a friend or mum if not) to have a look at the safe co-sleeping guidelines and set up the bed for you according to them.

I’d also recommend going to LLL or whatever local breastfeeding support group you have. People will amuse your toddler, coo over your baby, and give a lot of encouragement about breastfeeding.

It's unlikely that swapping to formula will make your baby sleep better, some babies sleep well and some don't. Continuing breastfeeding will avoid all the extra work of sterilising bottles and making up formula. Cheaper too.

I BF my 3 DC for over a year and found things tricky for the first month with all of them. You are both learning how to do this but once you nail it, BF makes life so much easier in many ways. And the more you feed the easier it is - unfortunately milk producing hormones are higher at night so lots of babes are largely nocturnal while you’re establishing BF.

Also their sleep is more about them than how they are fed - my first wouldn’t let me put her down for 3 months, my second woke every 4 hours from birth and my definitely last woke up every 1-2 hours from birth until over a year old (thanks reflux).

None of this is to say you must continue at all costs, but if you are keen to keep BF please know it does get easier and it’s normal to take time to establish. And some babies don’t sleep well!

I think it's fine for your todler to basically go a bit feral in these early weeks - TV and playing at home with just enough activity to avoid him being hyper. A trampoline in the garden helps! I wouldn't be arsed going to the shops etc. Small babies are demanding, it's ok to cocoon.

Quite soon, they get more efficient at feeding and everything is more established and you don't need to feed so much. I used to feed lying down in bed with safe sleep things - you still wake often but it's a lot less effort than getting up and getting baby into cot etc.

Can your partner do more? Get up early to take toddler round the block, play active games when home to tire toddler out a bit?

I stopped bf a week after to much twins and a 1 year single at the time. Made a huge difference. Little steps for the first month I didn't even leave the house just plodded around to the 3 wee ones and that doesn't make anyone lazy

Could you co-sleep? This was a lifesaver for us - it meant I didn't have to fully wake up to feed.

Totally agree with the feeding lying down / cosleeping. That saved us at around the same point and we are still doing that at 5 months (after an initial 5 hour stretch at start of the evening in his own bed). Side sleeping is a complete game changer!

thanks for the support and advice :) will answer some questions

so co sleeping I want to, but DS still creeps into our bed and I read it’s unsafe to with anyone else / other kids in bed :( but she does like to be close she wants to sleep on me but that means I can’t sleep

i have pitched the idea of getting DS his small double bed early (floor one, he’s 2 y 3 mo) and DH sleep with him and I have our bed with DD for a bit. DH said he didn’t really like us splitting beds but I think he might come round to this idea just due to the tiredness and the fact our son likes to be close to us but we can’t all be in the bed

DH has been fantastic, DS is a major mummies boy so of a morning will wait at the top of the stairs calling me unless I go downstairs with them both😂 and I don’t completely want to back off and make DS feel like I’ve abandoned him for baby sis :(

feeding wise she’ll do about 15-30 mins on each boob! Normally more close to 15, 30 mins during the night tbh. I am unsure about shallow latch last time my midwife seen me (4/5 day PP I think) she said the latch was good and she didn’t have tongue tie. But I’m awaiting to be seen for day 14 (appt is late) so I may bring this up then

I think I’d try to express first rather than straight formula as my supply seems quite good from the signs so I’d try to utilise that. But also I feel like pumping is a whole new skill I want to resrsrch

but everyone has told me hold off until 6 weeks? As it could affect my supply :( so I feel like I’m just on a countdown to week 6 :/

It takes about 3-4, then suddenly something clicks and you'll be fine. Use loads of lanolin and/or gel packs. EBF is so much better for your baby, but it's also so much easier than messing around with bottles. You've got this! Also check your position as this can help too when just starting out

In terms of pumping affecting supply the issue is that you'll convince your body to produce more than your baby needs. Then you'll have oversupply, which has its own issues. I had it and it led to mastitis, which wasn't fun!

My midwife recommended starting expressing around 3 weeks for me to get some rest. As long as you are giving the feed you have expressed and not expressing in addition to giving the feed the supply shouldn't be significant increased as no more milk is being produced compared to baby feeding directly. In the early days I used a haakaa which is a gentler form of expressing you can also get little shells to pop in your bra to catch any letdown on the other side or between feeds. Depending on how leaky you are you might get enough for a feed for a 3 week old and this is a passive process so wouldn't increase demand.

I am 14 weeks into EBF and I promise it does get easier. Also a c-section mum, so understand the exhaustion of trying to heal and feed.

At 2.5 weeks I think I was sitting up cluster feeding into the early hours watching netflix and dying of exhaustion. At some points I made up a bottle of formula and was going to give it to DS, but he then finally fell asleep. However, if I was to do this all again I might consider combi feeding or bottle feeding as early as possible. EBF is bloody hard work at first and no one tells you this. DS now refuses to take a bottle, so it is all on me and I can't leave him alone for any length of time until he starts weaning.

For me it got easier around 6-8 weeks I think. Don't beat yourself up and do what is best for yourself and baby, it does get easier but is a big old faff at first.

Take it one day at a time. One feed at a time. Don’t try and look 3/4 weeks ahead.

and if you do introduce a bottle try and do a day time one not a night time (at this point). I know it’s the nights that are hardest though.

it will get easier. and you will suddenly notice that it got easier and you hadn’t noticed. I promise.

Currently 8 months in with my ebf. Not gonna lie, those first few weeks were tough, we struggled with a shallow latch, a nasty bout of mastitis and oversupply on one side/undersupply on the other as a result.

I'd get the tongue tie checked again and check to see if you hear any sort of clicking or lipstick shaped nipples after feeds.

I wouldn't express until about 4 weeks as it can send supply wonky (think it's what caused my mastitis tbh, as I was trying to let DP help). A sling or carrier can work wonders for letting baby rest on you while you do things with your other child during the day.

Also see if you can get other child involved in care so they feel a part of everything and build their own bond with the baby. Things like helping to pass wipes and nappies during changes and singing songs together, reading books together while baby is feeding. It's ok though to rest and take it easy for a while, you've had surgery and you need to recover from that! That doesn't make you lazy

I did this too, with both my children, it was the only way I could continue to BF as I was also beyond it. Keep yourself sane and just get through it

I think I’d try to express first rather than straight formula

Personally, I wouldn't pump. With a small baby who is probably feeding frequently, fitting in time to pump would add to your workload. But you could try a haaka thing to act milk from the other side while your baby is feeding?

It definitely does get easier, and I really wouldn't worry about being "lazy" 2.5 weeks after major surgery and while looking after a newborn!!

Has anyone mentioned cup feeding to you @6strings1song? Your child might take expressed milk from a cup even if he won't take a bottle.

Maybe introduce one bottle so you can get to bed early and have a few unbroken hours whilst dad does a stint? It makes such a difference and is good bonding time for dad too.