Please motivate me to continue EBF :(

[Zozoxo]

2.5 weeks in and I am really struggling. DD does not sleep. That’s not an exaggeration she does such short stretches I am on my knees exhausted, this is combined with being a mum to my amazing toddler, c section recovery, and apparently breastfeeding releases sleepy hormones?

I feel I’m in a constant state of being awake but exhausted and dreaming about sleep. Like I’m becoming obsessed with the thought of sleep :/

My DS was formula fed from day 1 and although woke for night feeds, he did sleep stretches so I’d get 3 hours at a time sometimes 4. And of course with him being formula fed dad could help out and I could rest if tired

My midwife and health visitor have said it gets easier/better around 6 weeks. But 3/3.5 weeks seems a lifetime away and this is affecting me. I’m worried I’ll become a lazy mum which up until now I haven’t been I have gotten DS out the park to the shops etc, we’re going to tackle a longer day out/soft play when I’m a bit more recovered. But I’m scared I’ll just not be myself soon

but it’s also so soon to give up I feel :/ :(

(also nothing against formula/pumping & bottle feeding - like I said my DS was formula fed from day 1 and is so happy , healthy and extraordinary! So he has thrived after being formula fed for his first year)

@Zozoxo if she's attaching and coming off it sounds like you might have a fast let down (totally normal), hand express some to let the pressure out and then baby should be able to attach. Imagine trying to drink straight from the tap at full flow compared to half flow.

If you do find you have mastitis you'll feel painful hot lumps on your breast, unfortunately the best way to break them down is for babys chin to work on it whilst feeding, or massage it with your knuckles, it hurts like hell though so take some meds

Also if you do think it's mastitis don't give formula a go right now because it'll get worse even expressing isn't as efficient as baby at emptying the breast and breaking down the lumps

Another vote for passive expressing! The 'Hakkaa' type manual suction devices you can get are brilliant. I got NatureBond ones with a strap so it didn't get kicked off when baby was on the other side. I had two in the end, so when DP took the baby out I could express both sides when they needed it, rigged up with double straps, and I'd just get about the house like that until they were full.

I found to use the expressing cups without a baby, you sometimes have to start the oxytocin off yourself by looking at pictures of them and thinking about how much you love them. Also... You might find if you and your partner are in the mood for sexytime, your breasts are going to start leaking! A lot! If you want to get a few additional feeds in the fridge, then this is one way to do it quickly... get yourself rigged up and let things get steamy! 😂 Use those hormones to your advantage.

You can use the cups in the shower too, which is useful if there's any early signs of mastitis.

The Lansinoh bottles are good for switching between bottle and breast. Their milk storage pouches are good too.

I expressed, breastfed and also combi-fed with formula. I kept a chart with amounts and times, so we could keep things equal. In the end DS was getting over fed, so I slowly weaned him off the formula and stopped all the bottle feeds at around 4/5 months. He stayed in the 97th percentile and there was no difference to his sleep. It was always terrible no matter how much of which milk he had.

I found breastfeeding really useful once he was a toddler, also. It was an immediate pain killer if he ever seriously hurt himself. I also offered it if I ever just needed him to chill out for 10 minutes and have a cuddle of the sofa! We did that a lot tbf. He's still really cuddly even though we've stopped now.

We nursed for 2 years and 3 months. I started sleeping better then. He still likes to be close to me at night, he's just not physically attached to me anymore.

I'm really glad I carried on with it. It does really come in handy when they're toddlers.

For the record, I'd like to add that breastfeeding DS through injuries has not damaged his resilience in the slightest now that we've stopped 😂 he's well 'ard!

With the third I had awful mastitis, 20 years later the consultant showed me the damage on my mammogram. I did give aptamil at night for a bit.

Honestly one of the main things I enjoyed about breastfeeding was that I didn’t have to make a bottle in the middle of the night! My son loved to cluster feed and I managed it (barely) by feeding him lying down so it felt like I got some rest even though I wasn’t sleeping. My partner changed his nappy and brought him to me every time he woke up, which really helped.

You’re not a lazy mum! I’m pregnant now and not planning on doing anything more exciting than a wee walk around the neighbourhood for at least a month after having my baby, I tried to do way too much too quickly with my son and it led to my stitches opening and my recovery taking much longer :( I think resting is so important!

Don't try to EBF, do pump and combo with formula. I tried to go the whole hog with my first and ended up going cold Turkey at 3 weeks. Second time around I took the pressure off completely and got some help from DH with formula and pumping when needed and we fed that way until my son was 22 months and weaned himself.

This, with bells on!!

I don’t think swapping to formula will help sleep. I bf both of mine and first was an awful sleeper, second was great

I did feed laying down with baby on once side of me and toddler on the other.

It really does get easier. I’d only had a 10 week break from bf between my two and it was really hard to feed a new born after a super efficient toddler.

She’s had normal wet and dirty nappies today her usual amount!

she is getting so angry now and I’ve squeezed both my boobs and only slow drops seem to be coming out is my supply drying?

im scared for the night she seems hungry like she’s not getting anything 😭 and seems to struggle to latch I’ve tried diff positions nothings working she’s been feeding for ages

She's probably trying to put her order in for tomorrow... That's what they told me when I went through my first crazy cluster feedinf session. I remember my newborn seeming like an angry little demon, kicking away at my C section stitches, and frantically sucking away... Looking back I think it's possible he was largely tired and needed extra comforting, but at that point I was still doing everything with the big light on, having full volume conversations with his dad around him, and trying to put him down in his moses basket all the time. He wasn't one of those babies who was down with that.

Once I clicked that he might want a skin to skin nap in the dark with the white noise going, it eased up a bit. It's not always milk related, but it's so hard to rule out when you can't see what's going in!

You can see what's coming out though. If the nappies are wet, she's getting enough. The HV will come weigh her again at some point soon so you know for definite everything's okay.

Hope she is able to settle for you tonight at some point 💐

100% try skin to skin cuddle in a dimly lit room, lots of stroking and shushing.

What you can do is hand express into a little cup (the little water jug for an iron is perfect) hold it up to her mouth and she'll lap it up like a cat, that way you can be reassured she's getting some although plenty of wet nappies is obviously a sign all is well.

Babies put in an order about 3 days before they need it so she may well be doing this, it sounds like she's done a great job emptying you, so you need sometime to produce more. Make sure that you are drinking plenty of water

Breastfeeding is about so much more than the nutritional side of it, she could be attached for comfort, pain relief if a very early teether and all sorts. I'm not a fan of dummies but you could try that to give yourself a rest if she's attached for comfort. I'd probably try skin to skin with her so she ca hear your heart like in the womb first.

With wet and dirty nappies as normal it's not likely your supply is drying - good to be aware of the possibility but it's much more likely she's cluster feeding to increase your supply. I think it's so clever how they know how to do this and your body responds! Continuing to monitor the nappies is a good idea. Also I second (third?) The white noise/dark/cuddle/shhh in case it's crazy over tiredness

Also, and I mean this respectfully, if my DH had objections to leaving our bed and sleeping in DS bed for a couple of weeks so we could all get some sleep and I didn't lose my mind with tiredness, and I had recently and in fairly quick succession made not one but two of his children and had them painfully exit my body, I would be pointing out it was his chance to suck it up and take one for the team. I understand not wanting it to be long term. But just do whatever you can to get everyone the most sleep (within safe sleep guidelines)

Ps OP, are you still taking your pregnancy vitamins? The ones with DHA are still important to take if you're breastfeeding.

Also you may want to get vitamin D drops as breastmilk doesn't have high levels of this. It is recommended.

A bit of an out there suggestion but you could ask your local sling library for help. It's possible to breastfeed in some types of sling which would give you more time with your son.

@Zozoxo The latching on and off could also be wind. I found my DS would do that repeatedly if he had a trapped burp. With all the clustering they take in a lot of air.

The "angry" clustering behaviour is also what we had. I think as previous poster mentioned, they get tired but still have the urge to feed, resulting in frantic overtired feeding. I would indulge the behaviour for only so long and then try to rock, sooth, cuddle to sleep to end the cycle. One time (after a particularly overstimulating day) I remember rocking for 40 minutes and DS eventually fell asleep, this was after he clustered from 5pm until midnight.

I find that whenever someone tells me they have had issues with their baby latching on and off there has been something about the feed causing discomfort. They want a feed they latch, it doesn't feel right they pull off.

With my daughter it was a combination of a fast letdown reflux and allergies. It got better with leaned back positions but it took adequate treatment of her reflux and starting an allergy free diet for it to go. It started at 10days old and was worse at the 3am feed which the midwife said was due to a slow and then a fast letdown, i didn't think she wss sure tbh

A friend had a boy with a tongue tie which reattached

Another friend thought it might reflux and cmpa but it was combination of a mild reflux and baby having a small mouth and get overwhelmed quite quickly.

There are probably a dozen other reasons. It might be worth getting a feeding assessment and get yourself checked out too.