Please motivate me to continue EBF :(

[Zozoxo]

2.5 weeks in and I am really struggling. DD does not sleep. That’s not an exaggeration she does such short stretches I am on my knees exhausted, this is combined with being a mum to my amazing toddler, c section recovery, and apparently breastfeeding releases sleepy hormones?

I feel I’m in a constant state of being awake but exhausted and dreaming about sleep. Like I’m becoming obsessed with the thought of sleep :/

My DS was formula fed from day 1 and although woke for night feeds, he did sleep stretches so I’d get 3 hours at a time sometimes 4. And of course with him being formula fed dad could help out and I could rest if tired

My midwife and health visitor have said it gets easier/better around 6 weeks. But 3/3.5 weeks seems a lifetime away and this is affecting me. I’m worried I’ll become a lazy mum which up until now I haven’t been I have gotten DS out the park to the shops etc, we’re going to tackle a longer day out/soft play when I’m a bit more recovered. But I’m scared I’ll just not be myself soon

but it’s also so soon to give up I feel :/ :(

(also nothing against formula/pumping & bottle feeding - like I said my DS was formula fed from day 1 and is so happy , healthy and extraordinary! So he has thrived after being formula fed for his first year)

This is what we did from around 4 weeks and it worked really well for us. We kept that 'bedtime' bottle of formula, and Dad gave this whilst I went to bed. I couldn't have survived ebf as also had a non sleeping baby. I've recently given up breastfeeding and dd is 17 months...she has self weaned. There's no way I could have carried on so long without combi feeding, so I think overall it was the best option. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Calling LLL was one of the best things I did. Good luck.

@StuntNun That will be my next tactic I think. I read on here about people using doidy cups. I would just really like him to take a bottle of some description to just give us options. Though at the moment we have no options, so perhaps I should try it sooner rather than later and just shrug off the attempts at bottle feeding altogether.

OP I think its worth asking your DH if he’ll do a night or two with your older DC, just so you can try feeding lying down and catch up on sleep a little. Just as a temporary thing, and then re-evaluate whether its working.

I never liked co-sleeping (found it hard to sleep knowing the baby was right there, and I need to be really hot to sleep and couldn’t be cosy) so I fed lying down, dozed, and then put the baby back in the Moses basket. Often the baby cried and wanted to be cuddled again at that age, but just to say that it didn’t set us off on a path of co-sleeping, it was just feeding lying down with a bit of dozing.

Before you make any decision, I’d suggest going (or better, getting someone to drive you to) a breastfeeding support meeting. LLL do some online, if that’s easier (though I think in person support works better if it could be about the latch). It’s really personal what works in terms of expressing or not, bottles or not etc, and needs to be tailored to you and your baby.

I did a mo of bottle and breast feeding so my husband could feed my kids not just me. Why make it harder for yourself if you don’t have to

Just to add, the OP has asked explicitly for support and motivation to continue EBF. I wouldn’t go on to a thread which explicitly asked for help on formula feeding to talk about breastfeeding, other posters would rightly slam me if I did. People coming on to this thread to suggest the odd bottle of formula is similarly unhelpful, however well meant.

Honestly, stopping breastfeeding might not help with the sleep. Some babies sleep stretches, some wake more often irregardless of how fed. You could stop and the change to formula could make baby more unsettled for a week or two as their digestive system adjusts to the change.

If breastfeeding is making you unhappy stop. So much better if you're happy. If you are fine with feeding but you're struggling with sleep that's what you need to work on. Be it expressing so dad can take over a feed or two, or shifts so you feed (maybe even side lying so you can doze) then hand to dad to burp/resettle during his shift.

OP, it gets so much easier at the four week mark and then easier again at 6 weeks. Hang in there, you're doing amazingly.

PS I would be careful expressing or pumping so early if I were you. Of my friends, the ones who had mastitis were usually the ones who pumped or expressed.

It is very early days. Just take it one feed at a time. It will get better, baby is building up your supply. As baby gets bigger it all gets easier and you will be so glad you carried on. And try to be gentle on yourself re expectations of everything else... I know it's not for everyone but co-sleeping really helped me with both my EBF babies, learning to feed lying down etc (again gets much easier as baby gets a bit bigger and knows what they're doing!)... hang on in there!!

thank you all again. Having a bit of a down day hence this post! I think I’m getting a bug as I have a temp and my boob is sore and my back is so I’m just a bit rundown hence being emotional and struggling

I am heavily considering pumping just so dh can give a bottle or two. I think I’m struggling with it all falling on me and sometimes not being able to do things for DS (aka bed time - takes 30-40 mins and DD is unpredictable with feeds as she’s a newborn etc) and I want to spend 1-2-1 with my 2yo but she wants to be on me so much naturally and only I can feed her

if I got a bottle or two - DH could give her bottles now and then and I could spend 1-2-1 with DS

I really would give expressing ago. I would express more than a bottle a day until your supply is more settled and if possible use the haakaa or collection shells if you can. My daughter stopped accepting a bottle after a few weeks due to reflux and allergies and it was so hard knowing I didn't have the option of dad taking her without popping back now and then for a feed.
You can read all the recommendations for everything but you have to make a holistic decision that works for the whole family. If that involves a bottle of expressed milk by dad, you get a break and quality with with DS whilst being cautious about over supplying that's ok.

If your boob is sore and have temp be careful you don't have mastitis!

Yes agreed re: co-sleeping and/or feeding lying down making things much easier. My baby struggled to feed on the side until a month old or so but it makes a massive difference when you're tired.

Do whatever you need to do for your sanity.

I'm on my own with a 3 year old and a 3 month old who is EBF.

The sleep deprivation was getting me to the point of hallucinating. And baby's Dad was only staying over on odd nights so he couldn't (wouldn't) help and he won't be staying any more.

I found if I was struggling to stay awake on the night feeds I'd put baby down and go drink a glass of cold water and eat some dried fruit, and maybe even open the back door to get some cold air on my face. All that would wake me up enough to get me through the feed and get baby settled again but without resorting to caffeine and not being able to get back to sleep.

It's fucking hard but it does get better.

Just lie in bed and eat and drink and the second you are able to then attempt to sleep. Repeat until you feel human.

think I’m getting a bug as I have a temp and my boob is sore

Could easily be a bug but also keep in mind the possibility of mastitis.

I can't even feed lying down as I have an over supply and literally everything gets soaked in milk 😂 il be feeding and then all of a sudden there's 3 jets of milk spraying 50 feet out my boob 😂 so I have to sit up and lean back

Your at prime time for mastitis so keep an eye on your symptoms it hurts like hell if it is.

Witchily a cabbage leaf in the bra helps as cooling and has some sort of antibacterial effect.

Oh goodness younooor thing ... look, have some pre made milk in both the cupboard (formula) and if at all
Possible have frozen breast milk - sounds like you're suffering so get DH h
To help with bottles, whatever they look like. Get some sleep and don't fret - fed baby = happy baby but also happy mum =happy mum .... don't break ... bend in the wind and get through this, it'll soon be good sleep, weaning, GCSE's 😋 ... just keep sane x

If you think back to your first child, I bet you weren't at the park with them 3 weeks after they were born. You need time to rest and recover. We are not designed to be doing this by ourselves, get any help you can with your toddler. Any days that you have them to yourself, just remember that a few days with tv and toys indoors won't harm the toddler. At 6 weeks after c section, you should be fine to drive and the weather will hopefully start improving. Be kind to yourself and take an opportunity to nap if you can. Breastfeeding once established is easier as you have no washing and sterilising and it is always available. The first few weeks are almost certainly harder.

Massage your boob in the shower incase you have a blocked duct, and probably avoid too much pumping until it settles

There is loads of pressure to keep going with EBFing but you don't have to, or you can introduce some bottles so you can have a break.

Some women do find it gets easier after a certain point. I'm a long term BFer (with a lot of formula in the first year!) but it's not something I ever enjoyed and I do regret putting myself through that. I did go from outright loathing it to "meh boring chore" over time.

One of the ways I coped was by limiting BFs and doing more bottles as I did enjoy those and it also meant being able to share feeds with DH.

I ebf both of mine and i wouldnt bother if i could go back.
Too much hassle.
Neither slept well nfor years (though probably unrelated)

Would mastitis cause her feeding to be funny? Since about 4.30 she’s been on and off struggling to latch (we’ve never had this issue)

Fussy and not satisified. Hasn’t slept and like I say will start a feed then pull off and be angry and it seems like she can’t latch as well?

If you're engorged maybe? If so you can express a little to lessen it.
Otherwise maybe she is gassy and uncomfortable but it's hard to say. Do you have any support helplines locally eg NHS or midwives?

Mine goes through stages like that. Usually growth spurt, cluster feeding or (most commonly) overtired. Won't sleep so gets too tired and angry to latch, finally latches but so tired falls asleep before full feed, then wakes up early still tired because hungry and cycle starts again! I tend to find rugby ball position helps, but no guarantee will help you or if thats why fussing. Plenty wet and dirty nappies?