Why do people feel it's acceptable to talk shit about my kids

[milesmoms]

Seriously this.

I'm sick of getting comments about how my kids are WILD or too much to cope with or mental!

Why do people think it's acceptable to comment on my kids behaviour especially when they don't know them!?

I've had 2 comments this week from people who never spend any time with my children ?

My kids are 2 and 4 so of course they are not easy just like any kid their age!

I really don't get where the comments are coming from?

Next time I get one I've decided to defend my children instead of just getting upset about it.

Does anyone else experience this?

It takes a lot before someone complains. If you have so many complaints it sounds like there is a problem. Correct it or your kids will suffer for it by not bring liked or not invited places.

Thank you for all comments. I feel much better now. I know my children are wonderful and are being brought up the right way.

I will most definitely start questioning negative comments in the future and try not to take things to heart, as this could be part of the problem. I do get very defensive when it comes to my kids.

Nothing more annoying than parents who see their children through rose tinted glasses and can’t see how badly behaved or rude they are.

Ive had to actively stop socialising with friends because of their children who ruin riot, interrupt conversation and just down right don’t behave when we’re together.

lol ok. I'm sure you won't need to start questioning negative comments too frequently as people will spend even less time with your spirited children as they grow 🥰

I often get told my kids are well behaved. But we did once get chucked out of a pub because when they were 1 and 3 they were laughing….in fact the table next to us was making them laugh. They were a big table with about 11 adults who were all amazing and just spent the time making them laugh

we got told to leave after that….I thought he was joking at first and said oh yeah. Hahahaha. He said right off you go then..:.I said what? He said well they’re very loud. I said but they’re laughing. They say down. They didn’t move. They’re not running around. The other table got involved and said no we’re making them laugh but he said no….they’re upsetting all the other tablets and we need you to leave because the adults are coming in now (this was 3.45pm 🤦‍♀️

anyway. That was it. We left and never went back,

so the moral of the story is sometimes people just get it proper fucking wrong!

OP is there any reason why you are so defensive about this, whilst at the same time thinking their behaviour is great?
I had a friend once who had infertility issues and was TTC for 9 years. It understandably left her with a lot of trauma and issues, and when her ds was born she was extremely overprotective.

His behaviour was really bad, he'd lash out at other children in soft play etc and rather than her addressing him, she'd always claim he had been provoked and was just defending himself and this was his right 🤔 She was asked to leave numerous mums and tots groups and fell out with a lot of people because they tried to intervene when he was being rough. He could not cope at all if he didn't get his own way and if someone tried to call him out for bad behaviour he'd say he was being bullied, it wasn't his fault and gave a complete crying match etc. His mum would then make the victim apologise to him and start shouting if anyone tried to reason with her 🙄. She didn't send him to school because "crowds didn't suit him" but any social activities he joined he had to leave as he wouldn't follow instructions and got very upset if he couldn't get his own way. In a 'normal' situation you would be forgiven for thinking that he had ASD or something similar, but he had never been brought up to be accountable for anything or to adhere to any rules. They moved away so I lost touch, so don't know how he got on, but looking back it feels like a form of neglect due to very over protective/indulgent parenting.

The only person I know who regularly received/s comments about her DC's behaviour is my SIL. And she is always outraged and defensive and feels like you do.

But her children are awful. they are disruptive, rude and unkind. I suspect that for every comment she's ever had, there have been 15 people who have managed to bite their tongues.

Sorry.

If someone called my child mental it would be the last time they visited my home.

Home is meant to be a safe place, doesn't matter who they are.

Yes I mean I’m not sure if there’s poor behaviour but it shows a lack of language silks and emotional maturity to use the word mental to describe a child when the parent is there!

@aliasname they aren't playing tag near the tea table! I value them not being scalded more than that. They aren't underfoot near wobbly elderly people either. The drinks & biscuits are served at the side/back of the church. I usually ask for a cup to be out on one side for me to cool while we clear up the children's area, then I let them run around the far side while I have my tea. If DH is with me he'll often take them outside if it's not raining, but he was working today so it was just me and the 4 DC. Perhaps I value my cuppa too much 😂

Just saying that some children do have a LOT of energy at that age. Finding appropriate ways for them to burn that off is sometimes easy, sometimes challenging. And what is considered acceptabke is venue and audience dependent.

I mean, if your child is acting up that much and it's affecting other people then they have a right to say something. If you know you are doing everything within your power to deal with the situation then it shouldn't bother you

My son likes to act like a twat at times when we are out and if I don't keep him in line and he upsets other people, I expect them to tell me. It sucks when they do, but sometimes I need a kick. A lot of people love him, but his ADHD brain can be too much for some

It sounds like it's really upset you! Is there anything you could do to turn it on its head, just for your own wellbeing?

My kids are a lot, especially my eldest. He is energetic and clever, which means he can hold his own in conversations with most adults and hardly ever stops moving. In comparison my best friends kid is suuuuuuper chill, like the most chilled kid I've ever met. She often tells me she couldn't handle my boy/he's exhausting just to watch etc. I've learned firstly to laugh it off, secondly to take it as a compliment because I am handling him, and in my opinion he's an awesome person, and thirdly remember that as an adult I really value people who are energetic, enthusiastic and interested, so that's the kind of human I'm cultivating here. Considering the long game, I have a kind hearted, generous son who is usually up for anything, able to laugh at himself and make the best of situations. That's the kind of person I've wanted to be friends with throughout my life. So yeah, maybe other people in different situations would find that difficult to parent or find it jarring compared to what they're used to, but I don't and as I'm his mother that's essentially all that matters!

wowee that's awful customer service!! I'm so sorry that happened to you!

<3 missed this one! You do you, sounds like you're doing great!

And tbh the handful of times my mum has stood up for me stand out like shining beacons in my memory, so there's something to be said about being a tiger mum from time to time!

Of course people can comment on badly behaved children and bad parenting if it impacts on them.

That's very smug.

What did you say before they made these comments? Surely they were in response to some other information, not just out of the blue.

Calling someone "mental" is not nice.