Why do people feel it's acceptable to talk shit about my kids

[milesmoms]

Seriously this.

I'm sick of getting comments about how my kids are WILD or too much to cope with or mental!

Why do people think it's acceptable to comment on my kids behaviour especially when they don't know them!?

I've had 2 comments this week from people who never spend any time with my children ?

My kids are 2 and 4 so of course they are not easy just like any kid their age!

I really don't get where the comments are coming from?

Next time I get one I've decided to defend my children instead of just getting upset about it.

Does anyone else experience this?

Yes it's instinctive. What annoys me though is when you get parents who are critical of other children's behaviour , don't hesitate to point it out , but can't see it in their own and get angry and defensive when it's pointed out to them !

Not really enough context to go on, but I guess only you know if you they have a point or not. Looking inwards and accepting their behaviour might not be great is difficult for any parent, but sometimes we see our kids through rose tinted glasses and a lot can be gained by truthfully reflecting on what others say. Maybe if there is a grain of truth to it, rather than spending your efforts blinding defending your kids, work on how you could help them improve their behaviour and be their best selves.

Yes, who is making the comments, when?

It sounds like they are talking shit about your parenting.

I dont remember anyone making a comment like that to me, I'd it's happened more than once and you're already planning for the next time then maybe there's some validity to the comments but who knows as you've given next to no details

As others have said - a bit of context would help us give a better answer. What are they commenting on?

I’ve never had anyone comment negatively about my 1 and 4 year olds behaviour
(except one horrible old lady who said my dd was bad tempered just because dd didn’t say hello back to her- I politely told her that dd is only 3 and” it’s not very nice or mature to call a 3 year old bad tempered is it”)
It’s only been positive remarks usually!

Need more context! My first thought is that if a lot of people are saying it (and assuming they aren't all connected and gossiping between themselves), I'd assume maybe they are a bit of a handful.

Fwiw my eldest was a WILD WOMAN from birth till about 7yo. Didn't mean she wasn't wonderful. She is a wonderful, intelligent child and always has been, but she was just wild when she was little. She bolted and just did mad stuff with no fear. She's mellowed a lot now.

On the other hand, my youngest who is pretty chilled and always has been was playing up in a restaurant once and my dad was extremely twatty about it. "I mean...is there something WRONG with him? <sneery face>". I found that appalling. He was 3yo and bored of grown up chat. He truly isn't a difficult to handle child.

My dad is not a nice man though so we see him extremely rarely and never initiate a meet up.

So I do see both sides

Normal behaviour from little kids that age can seem wild to people who aren't used to it - we had this with DNs as we were going and happily child free when they were little. Now they're teenagers and ours are little and it's BIL and SIL who leave our house tired and over stimulated rather than the other way round

But if the people saying this are used to little kids or see other little kids then perhaps there is something in it.

The older mine got the less i liked or wanted to be around younger ones.
They become irritating and annoying.

Never had this with mine either. People usually said they were "busy" and they were but they were supervised and guided.

You definitely need to give more context @milesmoms

My kids are 2 and 4 so of course they are not easy just like any kid their age!

Not all kids that age are wild. Maybe you're not tough enough on them.

Definitely need my context. I had a 2 and 4 year old and no one ever said that when they had the odd tantrum or bad behaviour. I had high expectations of them and came down hard on poor behaviour at all ages which helped I think.

Parental responsibility encompasses two separate strands: the parent's responsibility towards her children and the parent's responsibility towards the society the children will become part of. Some parents don't realise the second strand even exists, or don't think it's important-if you are getting a lot of critical comments, you may be one of those parents.

Most people say nothing to parents about their children's behaviour , so to get two lots of comments in a week suggests that maybe your children's behaviour is a bit concerning.

Are they 'wild?'

Are they too difficult to cope with?

My SIL gets very upset when people refer to her 4 year old as wild the first time they meet him. The truth is he has very little discipline, so he hits, grabs at food/toys, throws tantrums constantly, throws things etc. SIL just repeats "gentle hands" or "listening ears" and it does absolutely nothing. So yes, he does come across as wild, as most 4 year olds would if they have no consequences. The ironic thing is that SIL is a specialist social worker for children with behavioural issues!

Sounds like they're making judgements about your parenting rather than your kids.

People don't tend to make that sort of comment unless behaviour is extreme.

My 3yo DTwins got called "energetic" and "boisterous" in church this morning. The first comment was friendly, the second rather judgemental. I had kept them quiet and relatively still (not running around, but standing up/sitting down/generally fidgetting) during the service but I let them play tag afterwards while I'm having a cuppa. Some of the older ladies don't think it's appropriate to let them run at all, so I'm sure they would consider it wild behaviour! You have to decide whether you are going to let it bother you Do you think they may have a point? Is their behaviour (or perhaps the location the behaviour is occuring?) Not appropriate?

It can be tough when you have energetic young children. My eldest was much easier! My twins need to blow off steam after sitting still for so long. Different people have different standards and different experiences with children.

Why do you think people are making the comments? No-one has ever said any of thoss things about my four year old son and I've never said or thought it about any of the others kids his age I've met, or heard others say it. So I don't think it's something that gets said about all children.

Do you think there's something in what they're saying?

Not enough info, OP.

I never received comments like this about my dc, so if you're getting a lot of negative observations about their behaviour, you need to be asking yourself why that is.

Are the comments coming primarily from one single person? In which case, they might be toxic and you should consider distancing yourself from them.

Are they coming from multiple different people? In which case, you need to consider whether their behaviour is actually unacceptable, and then look into the reasons for that. E.g. could there be neurodiversity involved? Are they bored and in need of more stimulation? Is it your parenting that's at fault, and could you do a better job of managing their behaviour etc?

@Bladwdoda

Next time your brother comments about your children bring unruly or something

Remind him what a shit deadbeat father he is abandoning his child and how 🤔 it could have a detrimental effect on his child welfare,
bring this subject up whenever he is judgemental about your children.

You need to tell your brother any loser can become a father
It takes a lot more, a real man to be a dad,

See how likes it when you say that.

@Queijo your DD is what is fondly described as a 'street angel, house devil' in Ireland.
I too had one of those 😁

I don't know how we can be expected to answer this with no context.
I would say that the 4 yrae old at least shouldn't be wild or uncontrollable.