Cancel child maintenance?

[CherryPiePiePie]

Wasn’t sure where to post this and didn’t want to post in Aibu. But is it wrong to cancel a child maintenance case when it’s literally pennies? Just had the annual review through and it’s £6.72 a week for my children, just seems like an insult more than anything. It’s been this way since we split but the reminders make me angry how pathetic it is. I see posts saying it’s the children’s money and they have a right to the money, but £6.72 a week? Who really needs that it pays for nothing.

No I wouldn’t cancel it if it was £300 but that’s because that’s a pretty good contribution, I would actually be happy with that. But that’s a big difference. I doubt he is surviving off benefits I suspect he is doing things on the side but I can’t prove that, he certainly isn’t hard up he has the latest phone last time I saw him which must have cost a lot or taken it out on contract but I can’t prove anything like that and cms aren’t interested. I’m not “bitter” by the way I would much rather he saw the kids than paid for them but I also don’t want him going round pretending he pays for them to people.

They won’t send debt collectors and whilst he is on benefits he doesn’t have to pay off the debts they aren’t allowed to make him pay off debts if he is on benefits he is exempt.

No, but he will have to keep paying it back for years after your DC turn 18. That's what mine had to do. Who was laughing then? Me. I was laughing my arse off knowing it killed him to pay it

Honestly not sure how I’ve been called bitter seems far more bitter to me to claim it to spite him or wind him up/ annoy him. Also if he has another child again in future which I suspect he will it will then be halved. Once they’ve grown up I will let them write off any arrears I am not going to chase maintenance when they have grown up I will let it go and not even give it any headspace.

Realistically, you can't win. I do understand why you want to write it off and move on. I spent several years regularly crying on the phone to CSA because I was struggling and he was able to work the system.
These days I tend not to think about it until I get the annual review letter but perhaps that's because he rarely pays so I'm not seeing the minimal payments.

I know my child will never see the money but I also know what a good manipulator my ex is and without the proof in black and white, he will say whatever he needs to to twist the narrative. He will claim he paid me cash and I'm lying etc. I just prefer to know that the evidence is there.

Once your children are adults they don’t chase it anymore.

it just sits on the books as a debt against him until something happens like he dies, someone else puts in a claim against him or there’s a politicsl push to clear some arrears.

Ohh that makes even less sense to leave it open than hoping to ever see any of it!

In some ways it does.

In others it hangs over his head. I had a raging phone call once from a guy whose new wife had discovered his debt when they went for a bank loan.

If he stops getting benefits they’ll be notified so if he tries the common stunt of “I’ll get a proper non-cash-in-hand job now the kids are adults” he’ll get a shock when the bill hits him. So so many men do this and they do not realise it’s doesn’t go away. It’s not even a debt they can write off in a bankruptcy!

They won’t chase it on a weekly basis, but if they’re notified of a change they’ll look into it.

Being exempt from paying off debts whilst on benefits is bollocks. There are schemes that maybe certain companies will wipe off debts for low income people otherwise you get an iva I think it's called where all debts are lumped together and you just pay the iva, or you get citizens advice to negotiate an affordable minimum payment to each debt. Or companies apply to have payment payed directly from benefits.
Regarding child maintenance, as far as I am aware, payments continue after the child has reached adulthood until the arrears have been paid. I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong.
So what if he wants to pretend that he pays for his children. You have proof of what he pays and the only opinions that matter are those of your children. When they are older and find out that you stopped him from paying anything, they will wonder if your ex is also telling the truth when he tells them that you stopped him from seeing them.

@Myusernameisrubbish ylu are correct.

Up to you but why ask if you're just going to close it anyway. I think you're best off putting it into savings for your children and not even thinking about it. Yes it's "only" £6 but what's that over 10 years. Or, it doesn't have to be a big thing and think of it as a slightly reduced "nectar price" etc in the shop. You'd be ridiculous to turn it down for a sense of pride or whatever. You don't need the money but think cold hard facts, it might as well be in your pocket than his.

I don't think it's that you should be grateful for it. I just think that you might as well have it than him.

CMS do regularly wipe arrears they view as uncollectible. This mostly includes people on benefits. that is what the Op was referring to I believe.

Once a child becomes an adult arrears are seen as low priority. If someone agrees to continue paying that’s what happens. However if they don’t agree they won’t be chased from an earning payment and they won’t take them from benefits as they’re not a current claim anymore.

The debt just sits on record until there’s a workable change or a push on wiping old outstanding debts.

Fair enough, I don't have any personal experience with child maintenance.
Still ridiculous to cancel when she doesn't know what the future will bring and even the pittance that he pays at the moment will add up over the years. Most kids would be over the moon if they were handed £6 to spend

Tbh if you don’t have any experience of it then it’s probably hard to understand just how insulting it feels in the OPs shoes

Thank you. Most kids would be over the moon with £6 would they really? Well try £1.50 because I have 4 children so it’s divided by 4, and they are teens/ preteens so not they wouldn’t be delighted at being handed £1.50! Also maintenance isn’t pocket money it’s a contribution towards food, clothes, gas, electric, uniform, school trips, hair cuts, clubs, school lunches, hobbies..

We know that OP, but as you say £24/month won't go far towards raising four children. Hence why you could consider spending it on fripperies. Or put it in savings, buy lottery tickets etc.

But £24/month might at least go towards some of your electric bill even if it's peanuts.

I'd always like for women in your situation to be able hold the fuckers to account even if the sums are paltry. And if he does win the lottery you can screw him over.

Exactly!

I never claimed CM was offered it by jobcenter a few times told them where to shove it.

I don't have experience with the technicalities of how child maintenance works but I do know that it's a payment towards support for a child/ren. Every child deserves to be supported by both parents and if 1 parent feels that they don't need that money then no matter how little the amount is, the money is for the children whether spent or saved.
Also I have already said that she has a right to feel resentful towards her ex but it isn't her money to cancel.

It is her money to cancel. It's a payment from her ex to her to go toward the costs she has for their children. He has a legal obligation to make it if it's claimed - she doesn't have a legal obligation to claim it.

Absolutely this.

But her children have a right to be supported by both parents and any parent that refuses to claim support for them is just as bad as a parent that refuses to pay support for them

To claim that someone who is singlehandedly feeding, clothing and caring for their children is as bad as someone who refuses to pay is just silly talk.

Absolute nonsense. While I don't understand why OP is so keen to cancel it, if she can afford not to have it, and the DC aren't going without then she's nothing like a parent who refuses to pay.