Cancel child maintenance?

[CherryPiePiePie]

Wasn’t sure where to post this and didn’t want to post in Aibu. But is it wrong to cancel a child maintenance case when it’s literally pennies? Just had the annual review through and it’s £6.72 a week for my children, just seems like an insult more than anything. It’s been this way since we split but the reminders make me angry how pathetic it is. I see posts saying it’s the children’s money and they have a right to the money, but £6.72 a week? Who really needs that it pays for nothing.

Yes, great idea!

You mustn’t cancel it. Save it up. Incrementally - it will eventually pay for a great birthday night out when they hit 18. or something. It’s not nothing.

Don’t give it up!
As others have said, find something to do with it that you know would piss him off.
Or save it for your children. Even just a few hundred pounds over the next few years is a little bonus that might help them in the future- a washing machine for their first flat? A small holiday in the sun?
Or it’s just enough for a bottle of wine a week! 😉

It’s insulting and it’s downright child neglect

imagine if a resident mother only provided £6 a week of food etc to her own kids. She’d be done for child neglect. Why isn’t it the same for non resident parents who do this?! The system needs a complete overhaul

No joke.
Obviously you don't need the money and can financially support yourself and children without it.
Obviously not in a position where you are having to go without food for a couple of days so that your kids can eat, otherwise you would be glad that £6 has hit your account so you can buy a loaf of bread.
Obviously £6 is a pittance and doesn't put a roof over the children's head or pay for bills. Nevertheless, it is still not payed to you for you to do what you want with. It's for your children and as their parent it's your responsibility to spend it on what is in their best interests.
You say that he thinks it's funny how little he pays. Imagine how funny he will find it when you let him off paying it at all. You are just giving him a get out of jail free card.
It's not much but is more than nothing so either spend it on the children or save it for them.

He wouldn’t find it funny he would see I don’t need his measly £6, which I don’t. I think he would find it more funny thinking I needed it.

That's genius.

This isn't about you or him.

He pays that for the children however pathetic an amount it is.

You need to use it so either buy scratch cards, put it in savings or use it for a family trip out.

But it's just as bad to refuse the money for your children out of your own personal anger and opinions is it is he gets away with paying so little.

If you don’t want to spent it , Put it into premium bonds for the kids.

It's not about whether you need it or not. It's about him being made to take responsibility for paying something to his children (even though it's a pittance).
Depending on the status of his debts, next year it could be £50 or £300 for the year. It will all add up and when the children are 18, it can go towards something.
I am not saying that you don't have the right to feel resentful that it's such a small amount but if as you say, he would find it funny that you need it, then that won't change if he was paying more.
The only ones that miss out if you cancel it, are your children.

They are not missing out on £6? Also he has debts but whilst remaining on benefits he doesn’t have to ever pay them. I’ve previously had the cms write them off because they decided they would never get them. That’s what will happen when it reaches a certain amount but either way if someone is on benefits they don’t have to pay back any of the debts. Trust me they are not missing out on £6 and I’m surprised anyone would think they are.

I'm going to go against the grain. Your mental health is worth a hell of a lot more than £6 a week and their mum not being stressed over this is more important than your DC getting the tiny amount he sometimes contributes. Your their mum, you know how things are for you and them in a way no one here can. If it's better to let this money go then let it go.

How does an adult of working age manage to stay on benefits for years these days? I didn't think that was possible anymore. Doesn't he have to prove he's looking for work full time/attends so many interviews etc or face sanctions?
Anyway I guess it's up to you OP whether to close the claim. My DC have an absent parent. Maintenance has gone up and down over the years, self employed, usually claims he earns less than minimum wage despite being an electrician and earning £25 per hour 15 years ago when we were together. Always without fail raises a mandatory reconsideration every year at renewal time claiming poverty, usually gets nowhere. I keep my claim open to remind him he has DC in the world and that he is a shit human being.

I don't know the ages of your children but by the time they are 18, at £80 or more or less a year, that could be £500 or more or less that they are missing out on. That could be a nice birthday gift, driving lessons, a weekend away.
The children have a right to be supported by both parents and you have no right to take that away from them just because you don't think that it's enough.
You need to separate in your mind your resentment towards your ex and the rights of your children.

Just so people know - CMS cannot write off the debts if you disagree with it

I always advise people to disagree for two reasons - first it stops them massaging the figures of money owed by writing lots off and secondly sometimes circumstances do change. I dealt with a case when I worked with CMS where the chap died and the debt was taken from his estate. He’d inherited his mothers house so the lady who’d got nothing for years got a lump sum from the estate as it was his asset.

I would do as a previous poster said, buy scratch cards and think of ex’s face, when scratching away. A friend of mine ex actually gave up work as a lorry driver, saying he had a bad back, so went on sick benefits. My friend struggled with 4 children whilst he had a new partner, council house and 3 more children and he stayed at home to look after them.

Another vote for buying scratch cards with it. You may not need £6 but imagine if you won a decent amount!

@CherryPiePiePie Why did you bother creating this thread if you're not going to listen to what anyone says? You've already decided to cut your nose off to spite your face.

Because I was mulling it over and that was my decision, hardly cutting my nose off though. I do find it interesting though when people try to make out £6 is better than nothing but on threads where the op is receiving £600 they get told it isn’t anywhere near enough but I’m suppose to be grateful for £6. My sons school trousers replacement just cost me £25 for one pair of trousers, kids aren’t cheap and £6 is laughable.

£6 is laughable, absolutely, but if he comes into any money in the future you'll get a share of that.

It will also piss him off to pay any money to you at all. On that basis alone it's worth maintaining the claim and making the fucker pay up. Keep pushing for the CMS debts to be acknowledged and held against him for the future. Just in case he wins on the lottery or similar.

See it as you taking the money away from him and using it for whatever the hell you like.

Donate it to a women's charity every month, buy a subscription to Private Eye, invest in Premium Bonds, buy lottery tickets, buy pasta and rice, give it to the kids to put in their piggy banks at home - anything at all except leave it in his bank account.

It costs you nothing to get it. £312 a year is fuck all, but it could pay a bill.

It is laughable of course but if you cancel it your child is receiving even less.
I just think you should take it and put it to good use. It’s still £6 less in your ex’s pockets.
I also think it’s not really your money to refuse. It’s your child’s.

I spent 19 years fighting to get a paltry £5 (later raised to £6.42 or something) a week from DS1s Dad. CMS tried to write it all off loads of times. I refused, the CFs!!

Everytime I didn't get any money because he had a debt to pay, they added it onto what he owed me. He ended up paying me until DS was 22 to pay it all back.

Yes the amount is a piss take, yes he may laugh at you, but my DS had a trust fund with a few grand in it when he hit 18 because I put it all into it for him. Plus his next girlfriend, who he also beat the crap out of, told me that he would laugh about how little he was paying me, but that it also ate him up inside that I wouldn't give up insisting that it was paid.

I take great satisfaction in that! It's good for my MH!! 🤣

Scratch cards or a charity he really hates. A women’s charity escaping abusive men maybe.

I would claim it - even though he laughs if it’s collect and pay he gives more to CMS. Plus better in someone else’s pocket than his. Surely he must suffer a bit not having that money -how on earth can he afford bills and food?

Is he the type to claim benefits just because he doesn’t want to pay CMS? if so I would claim just to keep him on benefits.

I don't think anyone thinks you should be grateful for £6. It's a pittance and it's pathetic. Even people who are fortunate enough to receive a fair amount of CMS shouldn't need to be grateful. It should be the standard and therefore expected. Not something to be grateful for.
Whilst i understand and agree that the money you're getting is close to useless (especially
If you don't actually see the £6 a week), imagine how much the calls and letters must bug him.
CMS recently started enforcement action against my ex. I don't expect them to get anywhere with the arrears but I do get some satisfaction out of knowing he will be being chased and it will realistically become another debt that he has debt collectors chasing him for. Harder to convince your new partners you're the innocent party when there's debt collectors at your door.

You want to cancel it to prove to him that you don't need his measly contribution because it's a pittance and doesn't make a difference to you financially. If he was giving you £300 a month, would you want to cancel it to prove that you don't need it? Or would you need it then to have a more comfortable lifestyle for yourself and children?
You are bitter because he isn't paying enough so want to let him pay nothing. Think about that logic and realise that is the definition of cutting your nose off.
It's only £6 to you but to him, being on benefits, that £6 is a lot of money, it's a pack of lagers or a takeaway. He laughs that it's such a small amount but I bet you anything that it eats him up inside every time he sees it has come out of his money.
Don't let him off Scott free. Like others have said he will be paying arrears off for years to come and if he hasn't got other caring responsibilities or disabilities, universal credit will force him into work and the amount he pays will be reassessed.