Families without a car

[OctoblocksAssemble]

How do you manage?
I'm trying to learn to drive, I really am, but I'm a nervous wreak and sometimes I just don't see it happening. Been having lessons for 14 months now, auto, so I do have reason to be worried!
So, has anyone else managed life with kids and no car? We live in a city suburb, transport is OK but 75% percent of places are 40 minutes on a bus/10 minutes by car.
We have never been on holiday and my kids have never been to a sandy beach (and only once to any beach when Mil took us). The eldest is 7! Kids just seem to need so much stuff, and it's hard to carry without a car.
Sorry for being a bit melodramatic, just trying to convince myself that it won't be the end of the world for my kids if I never manage to pass.

We have never had one. Neither of us wanted to drive. We’ve had plenty of lovely holidays in this country by train, been on the Eurostar a couple of times and it really isn’t the end of the world if you don’t drive. Our kids are adults now and neither have shown any interest in driving and both are very independent travellers. And yes it’s sometimes more difficult but we can’t really miss what we’ve never had and there are always ways around it. Get a family railcard and build up to a big journey xx

I think I would separate out the holiday and the learning to drive. There are definitely ways for you to get the kids to the beach without a car (although this does depend a bit on just how many kids we're talking about here). The 7 year old is now old enough to start helping with luggage. You may have to pack v light and hand wash in the sink, but it's doable. Beaches like Bridlington are accessible by train. What about Butlins or similar?

Would your MIL not give you a lift again? If you say MIL does that mean you have a DP as well? So two adults to carry the luggage?

You can spend a lot of money on taxis/trains before it reaches the cost of keeping a car for a year. Are you getting to places that way?

Having a car does make life a lot easier. I mean I need to drive to work so couldn't really do without it but day to day it does give a lot of freedom. But you really don't need to drive to have a holiday to a sandy beach.

We dont have a car, though I can drive (but it makes me sweat buckets with anxiety, so I dont). Dp, ds5 and dd2 all get horrific travel sickness anyway. We live very central in a smallish town, 1 minute walk from the beach, we bought here specifically because we don't drive and don't plan to. We walk or train everywhere. Taxi occasionally for ds many hospital trips. We get tesco deliveries for the non fresh stuff.

It's honestly not the end of the world at all. You can bus/train to the seaside and airports. Cars cost so much to keep, and it's healthy to walk more, especially when most of us have sedentary jobs these days! I'd be getting taxis to random days out if we could, so the travel sickness limits us (kids can usually last less than 5 minutes by car or bus alas).

Yeah, ages , years, eons ago I had to give up my car.
I did the maths and although I dont now remember the numbers, it was a third the cost of the car for as many taxi/bus/train journeys as I could list. Including holidays.

No idea if thats still true, havent been in a taxi or train for a long time.

Still for that period (iirc about 6 years) my kids got a holiday. Often abroad because would you believe it was easier and quicker to get to an airport than somewhere like a butlin's.

The only family I know without a car live in central London-they get shopping delivered, walk/tube everywhere locally and train if they are visiting. They high do drive but say they don’t need a car where they are. They fly on holiday several times a year; it doesn’t seem to have impacted them negatively but they are both on good incomes.

Is your DH in the scene-is he learning to drive as well or just you?

Yeah but the OP seems to be doing none of those trips.

I should admit that we have a car. So it's not the same, but I can tell you what helps with getting my 5y 3y and baby and all the associated clobber around when we don't use the car.

The children help to carry things from when they first walk. At first it's a couple of muslins in their little life backpack. But we build up and it makes a significant difference. Each child now has a small backpack and a large (for them) backpack.

We also have a beach wagon and a granny style shopping trolley, along with a pull along bag for each bear. They love using them and even the 3y wants to pull along the wagon or shopping trolley.

I carefully plan what to take. And we build up from small trips to more adventurous ones or trips further afield.

The hardest to prepare for is variable weather (if it's rainy all day, for example, we won't need anything to carry the waterproofs in so it's easier). I try to do the trips where there's a lot to take on the days when the weather is likely to be similar all day, and make the most of the minimal-luggage trips on the variable days.

Joining some local eco groups informed me about some better public transport options which I wasn't aware of, such as a bus where you can request the journey you want (with approximate timings and certain restrictions).

Building up the children's stamina (and mine!) now means that if it's an hour or less to walk each part of the journey, we walk it. That can get us to lots of bus stops, to a few railway stations, some shops, half our extra-curriculars, a nature reserve, a few local beauty spots and several friends' houses.

Therefore, with train or bus, it can also get us to some beaches and to our nearest really big city.

I'm building up to cycling more in the hope of getting an electric cargo bike (very hilly area). Places which are ten minutes drive to/through town are already walkable for us. With an electric cargo bike we won't need the car for the nature reserve and friends' houses which are ten minutes by car into the countryside either.

I'm not going to pretend I never use the car or that it isn't really useful. But just as we're gradually using the car less and less, I want to encourage you that you could get further and further afield without one, just one new adventure or experiment at a time.

Oh and I keep a note on my phone for each place/activity of what to take, and update it as needed after each trip. But you might not need that if your memory is better than mine!

I don’t drive.
my son has been to the beach plenty of times. We live in Birmingham and go on organised coach trips to the sea side. He’s nearly 4.
we went to butlins last year and got the train.
we use the bus to get around- google maps is your friend for the shortest routes.

I couldn’t afford a car even if I wanted one.

We don't have a car. It's honestly fine (although we live in London - zone 3 rather than central). Do you and your kids cycle? If so, that helps you avoid relying on buses. Holidays to the beach are doable, you just need a plan and decent trains. Also, kids need less "equipment" as they get older, so it's easier to travel light.

Firstly, there are plenty of UK beaches you can get to by train, so you can still do holidays. We’ve done Cromer and Sheringham several times now by train, just choose a holiday park with a washing machine and you don’t need to pack much.

We didn’t have a car for the longest time and I agree with others that it may be more cost effective to get taxis everywhere, so do the maths. We’d get taxis to certain places, trains to others. Other parents sometimes helped with lifts in return for petrol money, babysitting etc (only after a discussion, not expecting!)

A car is helpful, sure, and life is easier now we have one again. But somewhere with taxis and buses and trains is definitely doable and may be cheaper long run.

Coach trips are great.
Also using charity shops to buy cheap buckets, spades etc so if you leave them where you holiday it doesn’t matter as much.
Learning to pack less.
Try and find a seaside town with a train station not too far away, regardless of driving why don’t you aim to go to a beach this year?

I hated driving with a passion
I have a driver's license and thought having a car would be a liberating and freeing thing.
It soon dawned on me that using the roads wasn't for me. I followed the rules, tried to be conscientious etc. but every time I drove, there would be many other people not following the rule and driving selfishly so on and so on.
Well my brain couldn't handle it and it fried me every time I drove.

I got rid of the car in early 2022 and haven't driven since.

DD doesn't seem to mind, we use the local buses to get around locally and a trip to nearest towns and cities is quicker on a train than driving, though it does cost more.
Shopping gets delivered. Things I need that may be too heavy to haul home are ordered via Amazon.

If I wanted to go to the seaside, there's coach trips and trains. When I drove to the seaside, I'd eat mark one day for travelling anyway so it makes little difference in that regard, it's just a day travelling on a train and watching the scenery instead of a day spotting people not doing as they should whilst they drive several tons of a deadly weapon around.

We don’t have a car. We live in London and know quite a few families who don’t. For day-to-day stuff we walk/cycle/take public transport. Shopping gets delivered. If we want to go further afield we get the train; to the seaside, the countryside, to visit family etc. The only thing we can’t do without a car is go camping. Fortunately DH does have driving license so we can just hire one if needs be.

We’ve never had a car, both of us dislike driving. We live in a near city centre neighbourhood. It’s a small city, those travelling in daily have many moans about how bad the traffic is at peak times. The buses are not too bad. Both of us work for the uni. There’s a couple of buses that take routes around and about uni sites that charge £1 per journey to staff and students. We are 15 mins walk from the central railway station and there’s a bus stop right by office. The other bus routes we are on have bus stop 5 mins from our house and run every 15 mins, in theory.

It’s flat and there are good cycle routes. The big Sainsburys is 10 mins walk and is on the bus route.

Regarding holidays, when the DC was little we did more walking and city break hols. A beach day out is possible from here with one change of train or a bus. When he was 6 we did our first trip to Cornwall by train. It’s a 6 hour journey with one change which is a taxi ride between 2 London stations with baggage. Last year we did this with 3 55cm cabin bags, 3 rucksacks, one bodyboard bag and a beach tent in bag. DC is now a teen. It’s surprising how less suitcase space is needed for an adult sized teen. Basically, they don’t drop ice cream down their top every day and they don’t need any cuddly toys or board games. Although we do like a bit of Uno 😂

We don't have a car and we live in a city suburb. We've cycled everywhere since the kids could ride a bike, so 10yrs now, they are 13 and 15. Never need to use a bus locally. They now cycle on their own to activities. Trips to the beach are done on the train as there are plenty of beaches in the UK where there are trains nearby.
Yes, having a car is sometimes useful. We shared a car with my parents for a year or so and it was useful for trips to the skip etc or the occasional trip to the peaks, you do get to the countryside easier.
But it's not worth it for us to own a car as we don't need it during the week for work or taxing the kids around as we all cycle and food shops are also only a few minutes away by bike. The only time we miss a car is when DS has to go for a ,cross country competition far away and even then that's a couple of times a year, he cycles anywhere that's within 40mins or so of cycling and we can hire a car on the other couple of occasions. I think we've saved lots of money over the years not maintaining a car and it has helped us pay off our mortgage already.

I would highly recommend a friends and family railcard if you don’t have one. It’s makes travelling by train much cheaper. And encourage the children to carry as much of their own stuff as possible in backpacks. It’s a good way to convince them they don’t need to bring half their Lego collection and 17 stuffed toys!

I think it's useful to be able to drive at least one person in the family but not necessarily own a car full time. I can't drive but my DH can he has no problem hiring a car here or abroad so we've not been restricted on what type of holiday we can have abroad. Although we much prefer not to have car based holidays as the kids don't like being in a car that much so it's actually more relaxing having a city based holiday. Places like Barcelona and Lisbon have beaches too so you can have a city holiday AND go to the beach, which have been the most successful holidays.

I'm totally dependent on my car.

I use it every day (not just commuting).

For parenting I use it for school, play dates, shopping, after school activities, day trips, longer trips, over night trips away, go visit other people, to run a million errands!

I can't imagine parenting without it and I live in a high amenity area.

But most of the other mums I know don't drive.

They just don't as much?

Same!

I had to stop driving for a year when I had a seizure and it was absolute hell.

It just makes life so much easier. But, of youve never driven I guess you don't miss what you don't have!

I don't drive and have 3 dc. We walk most places within a couple of miles and get the bus or train to places further afield. The beach is 3 trains there, 3 back. We do it regularly in the summer. We are in the north west and travel to London, Oxford, Sheffield, Liverpool, York, peak District, North Wales, Shrewsbury, Buxton, Peak District with no issues. It was easier when ds was in the buggy and I could load it up but now he has his own rucksack and we travel light (ish).

I'm a single parent too so no other adult to help. Just me and the dc.

Single mum here too, and I raised my children in a city without a car. It was not a problem. The only time I really hated it was waiting for school trips to arrive back in the middle of the night, sitting on the pavement outside the school,😂

Other than that, we travelled all over the country, went on holidays to beaches and campsites, all on public transport

My children were used to walking, and as adults are still fitter and more active than many of their friends who grew up in car families. My son used to walk 4 miles to school, and enjoyed it. There was a bus, but he preferred to walk. Now as adults, we still go on walking holidays together all over the world

You can manage without car op and pps have given lots of useful tips. However, you will pass your test and then your life will be much easier, you've got to believe in yourself. Some people sail straight through, others take what feels like a.million years. Perseverance, aim for progress not perfection, and that first self sufficient trip to the beach will feel amazing 😊