Families without a car

[OctoblocksAssemble]

How do you manage?
I'm trying to learn to drive, I really am, but I'm a nervous wreak and sometimes I just don't see it happening. Been having lessons for 14 months now, auto, so I do have reason to be worried!
So, has anyone else managed life with kids and no car? We live in a city suburb, transport is OK but 75% percent of places are 40 minutes on a bus/10 minutes by car.
We have never been on holiday and my kids have never been to a sandy beach (and only once to any beach when Mil took us). The eldest is 7! Kids just seem to need so much stuff, and it's hard to carry without a car.
Sorry for being a bit melodramatic, just trying to convince myself that it won't be the end of the world for my kids if I never manage to pass.

I passed my test when I was 18. I was a good driver, but nerves got the better of me and I failed it many times. (always 1 major fault and no minors)

I had a car for a couple of years, then sold it when I went to live abroad. I came back to the UK and haven't had a car since. I live in London so there is no need for a car because public transport is so good. I'm a train journey away from the beach. Its cheaper, better for the environment & better for my health.

I think it depends on the area you live. Is everything you NEED within walking distance? ie. work, schools, supermarket etc. Is there a well-connected train station? What's public transport like? If you are out in the sticks, then you need a car, but otherwise, it is perfectly manageable. :)

Btw, I live in London now, but I have lived all over the country. The only place I felt like I really needed a car was in Ham, Marlborough. (I hated it and didn't stay there for very long!)

Also, if you don't have a car, insurance, fuel etc to pay for. You should be able to get a train ticket to the beach, or even a plane! From London, you can get a flight to France for £20. (Where I am that's a 30-minute bus journey to the airport + a £20 flight). Bear in mind it's like £80 to fill up a Ford Focus!

That said, passing your test will make you feel accomplished, even if you don't end up getting a car, there is always the option. I would persevere. It will be worth it! Wishing you all the best OP!

I was very nervous about learning to drive but due to circumstances I ended up having to do an intensive course over a week. Turns out the best thing to do, I was in the car for so long each day my anxiety decreased through sheer anxiety-fatigue. If I had done an hour, then had a break, then another, I think I would have really struggled.

Thank you everyone for the different points of view.
I shall take the kids to the beach this summer, by train. There are a couple of options that we could hopefully make work as a day trip. Start small and build up.
I'm not planning to quit driving lessons yet, I just get the fear that I'll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try. I'm prone to catastrophising, so it's helpful to get a sense check here.

It depends where you are obviously but where I am it's soooo expensive to get the train to the seaside.
It works out better to do it on a coach trip.

I’m 37 and I have been driving for 4 years . I managed just fine , my children are older now but I managed with no car ! Yes , it makes life a lot easier with a car but I’ve had times when I’ve had to let my husband use the car because we’ve gone down to one ( at the moment it’s like this - I had to get a taxi to work today and walk back and I have not enjoyed it 🤣 ) but I think that’s because you get lazy when you have a car and very reliant on it! I’ve been with my husband for 8 Years so before that there was no car ! My ex had a car for the last year of our relationship but before that he didn’t and that was when my children were little and we managed fine !

Just to add , I also do auto and it took me a while to pass , with 2 failed tests. I was a nervous wreck and my first car was an old car that I hated driving so I didn’t enjoy driving at all for the first 2 years - a lot of time I would choose to walk instead because I was so nervous . Then I got my newer car ( not really new , 2013 plate ) and for some reason it just made me feel better . I then started going out when it was quiet , just driving around to build my confidence. Now - I’ll drive anywhere , I never walk ! My job means going to different places every day , with unknown routes and parking but I don’t bat an eyelid so it does get easier !

Although parallel parking and motorway are two things I have not done since passing !

I think it's probably not helping you that you're not getting any 'just normal driving' practice in in between lessons. i.e. you can't just nip to the shops with a driver in the passenger seat, so you're building up confidence in doing normal driving without an instructor next to you. I'm not sure there's an obvious solution to this, but I'm mentioning it in case you've got a friend who would insure you on their car or similar.

A day trip to the seaside sounds fab. I can understand the worry that you've only got 2 hands, one for each child. The 7 year old can definitely help to carry some bits (inc bucket and spade), and you'll need a rucksack for yourself, plus probably a bumbag or sling so you've got essentials to hand.

If your instructor is losing patience, I would maybe look for an instructor who specialises in drivers who lack confidence. I just googled to see if this is a thing, and came across a driving school which offers a driving therapist.

Neither DH or I can drive. We live within a 30 minute walk of most the main places we would want to get to in our city, including the railway station, nature reserves etc, and there are several bus stops nearby. The city has good rail links. We cycle a lot. The main problem is family and friends who live in places which are very difficult to access without a car, so for those we tend to host rather than visit, accept lifts when they are offered and just accept that sometimes we will end up taking ridiculously expensive taxi journeys. Internet shopping makes life easier, but I do sometimes wish I could just go to IKEA and buy something mid-sized and eat meatballs, as my nearest one is very hard to get to by public transport

It’s lovely to be able to go places and make memories on sandy beaches etc!

But memories that stick out for me are things like eating dinner in the sun on our picnic bench in the garden. Being treated to fish and chips once a month. Playing football in the garden with my Dad.

My kids are the same. Some of their best memories are the little things.

So don’t worry too much. But believe in yourself! I’m sure you’ll do it! But it’s not the end of the world if you don’t 😊

It's so easy to hop onto trains for holidays it's what I did with the kids before a car. But since driving even better of out for days, nights away etc I love the freedom

Also depends where you live If you are somewhere with no bus or train then you are pretty stuffed without a car. Especially when kids get older and belong to groups clubs etc or want to meet their mates in town. If cubs for example finishes at 7 and last bus is 6pm its a nono

Yes it is true.
But I do think some drivers assume that people who don't drive don't go as many places and that's certainly not the case here.

I did drive for a year and hated it. I find living more centrally is the solution