To want to cancel these play dates

[HR313]

I've got two play dates arranged both on a Sunday one due next week and one in feb. The friends coming in feb we went to theirs the other week and reciprocating. The ones coming next week have invited themselves over and felt obliged as they want to see our new kitchen. Trouble is this family have a child with possible SEN and destroys everything in sight. When we’ve visited theirs the child has flooded the bathroom and has no concept of danger or ‘bad’ behaviour. I’m accepting of their needs but we’ve spent a lot on our new kitchen and don’t want the kids in and out of there where it could potentially be damaged. We are open plan and no way of blocking kitchen off.

I don’t like people coming over and it feels like a massive invasion of privacy, my own parents were the same and never had play dates - I want to be a different parent but struggling massively with this. I hate the mess that’s left behind etc. how do I cancel them without saying the usual ‘I’m so sorry I’m ill’ because they will want to rearrange. I’m not doing very well mentally at the moment and it’s already stressing me out. I realise I haven’t been able to set boundaries and say no but felt compelled that I had to say yes.

I would cancel them. Your mental health comes first.

Cancel. Or give clear boundaries beforehand.

If you want to meet then playground/park/somewhere for the kids to run around. And show them photos of your kitchen.

I would be honest and say your mental health is struggling at the moment so you'll have to cancel. Cancel them and then focus on yourself.

Could you suggest meeting at a play park/ soft play place?

Do people really snoop at new kitchens? How odd!!
Meet at a soft play. Tell them you have spent all week cleaning and need a change of scenery
.

Can you do it on a different day?

Wow. If they read this they’ll want to cancel. They’d be heartbroken. Enjoy your perfect kitchen.

Have you posted this before ?

Just cancel, and don't allow people to invite themselves in future. Nobody has a God given right to nosy round your kitchen.

No I’ve not posted this before…!

both families in question say they’ve got no money after Christmas - which I get but I just don’t want my own home to be used as a soft play!! I also had another friend over the other day which got me down, she never offered to tidy away after playing and her daughter spilt juice on our carpet and never offered to a least put a paper towel down. I know I would have certainly done if I was at their house.

😂😂😂 Why? The kid behaves on Mondays and it's only Sundays when he trashes stuff? Wednesdays are fine but don't risk a Thursday? OP only struggles with MH on a Sunday? Best wait until Tuesday?

Use your noggin.

Park and feed the ducks... Most have a small cafe...they really can't insist they visit you!

Do you think the child will bring a crow bar and start dismantling your kitchen? What damage could be actually be done by a small child.
Close the kitchen door, say nope no children in the kitchen unattended toys are this way. But my guess is you don't want the play date and the new kitchen is an excuse.
Just say sorry I have to cancel and don't rearrange.

Say so sorry we aren’t able to host play dates at the moment - but happy to meet in the park?

Don’t let yourself be a doormat.

Why the fuck do they want to see your new kitchen? Put yourself first, say you're not feeling well and you're not up to visitors. Send them a pic of the kitchen.

What damage could be actually be done by a small child.

Hollow laugh.

Have you ever met a child? Invite one to your home and give them a packet of Wotsits

I struggled with playdates and mental health as well, so I sympathise, but I think if at all possible you need to challenge yourself and make the effort for your children. I used to schedule something nice for myself on the evening after a hectic playdate (like a bubble bath with chocolate and a good book) which helped me get through it. My children are much more confident and socially able than I am despite both being ND.

With regard to the kitchen; kids do make a mess and can be destructive, SEN or not. To a certain extent that's just life with kids, you mitigate it as best you can, but you can't really deprive your children of a normal social life because of it. They are more important than your kitchen - and I don't think excluding people because they have additional needs sets a very good example.

There isn't a door. It's in the OP

as a parent of a SEN child -💔

Have met a toddler ?

I disagree with all the advice to cancel. You didn't like having no playdates as a child, and you don't want your child/children to grow up in a home they can't bring friends to. Bite the bullet and have people in, don't hesitate to say "Stop that Timmy" or ask little Timmy's parents to stop him turning on taps etc, but never having people into your house will have a negative impact on your children (as your parents' behaviour has had on you).

You haven't even mentioned your children, or whether they'd like their friends over for a playdate. It's their house too.
My mother behaved like that when I was a child. It was a very sad and lonely childhood, and I have no relationship with her now. You should get some help with your issues, because you will reap what you sow.

I was quoting a previous poster. I've met many toddlers hence the hollow laugh! 😂

I don't like going to people's houses or people coming to mine. I always arrange to go to the park or soft play. I normally just say I'd live to meet up but I prefer being out and about and then suggest an outside location.

I'd cancel and just say that you'd prefer to meet up at the park.